by Fernando 22 Replies latest jw friends
Quite a few here on JWN seem to have grown and developed in leaps and bounds, sometimes beyond their wildest dreams.
Others seem to still be struggling.
What do you think makes it possible to flourish?
The degree to which our mind has been liberated from Watchtower thinking?
If so, this seems to happen in many different ways, so what is the secret?
I believe that it depends on whether we are inherently happy positive people or not. Are we inclined to be bitter or negative?
Fernando, I like this OP. I'm interested to see where it goes. I don't know if there are any secrets, and like most complicated issues there are likely a variety of reasons and causes. But as it is with most things there are likely a few things which show up routinely in the more successful, the happiest, etc.
So I will prime the pump. Many studies suggest there is a strong correlation between the happiest - and most functional economically and socially- countries in the world and the least religious countries in the world. The same correlation exists between the happiest and most functional and the least religious states. Many studies suggest there is a strong correlation between IQ and religion; the 'smartest' countries in the world tend to be the least religious.
So whether the measuring stick is happiness or success, maximizing one's brain power and energy towards achievable, realistic life goals seems to be a primary component. It isn't my goal to turn your OP into yet another us against them, theist/atheist OP, but the data seems clear, especially in the developed world.
As for me, I'm one of those on this site who has to pinch themselves from time to time to remind myself of all the things I have experienced and accomplished since exiting the Borg. None of those things would have occurred if I had kept my brain and energy wrapped up in a religious belief system. You can google the tenets for success. A focused mindset with vision and creativity and positive energy are near the top of all of the lists. When we were in the Borg, our focus and energy were on a fairy tale paradise. IMHO too many are still meandering around attempting to replace the fairy tale with yet another.
Maybe how much you get to know yourself has something to do with it, as well as support from family and that. Also having the ability to set your own standards rather than needing to have it set for you. This also has to do with gaining confidence in yourself and your ability to develop judgement.
Some people are more naturally confident and fun to be around, so they make friends more easily. This is common in all groups, not just ExJWs.
i don't know any exJW's enough to know whether they are flourishing or not and some people may have different veiws as to what flourishing is.
Some were healing before physically leaving; others didn't start until they day they walked away; others have experienced more abuse in their lives; others have family interfering; others are left alone by jw "helpers"; don't judge others by your unique personal experience; or judge others you have never met by the few posts they put on here.
Flourishing in what way?
I think it depends on family circumstances too. I am going through a difficult court case that's been going on for 3 years. My ex keeps taking me to court over stupid things. So moving on with my life has been challenging.
But on the flip side he is a JW, so he is doing something unscriptural by taking me to court as far as WT is concerned, so I have deprogrammed from the cult quite quickly. I was able to stop going because my kids stopped believing too, and my parents were never JWs. They always told me it was a cult, they were right.
Moving on and flourishing can be defined in different ways, there are a lot of factors involved with leaving such a dangerous cult.
Kate xx
Yes, I would agree with Kate. It really depends on each individual. If you have family in, lot's of close friends, business connections or a vindictive ex. Or even a combination of several factors.
I was lucky.
Many things are involved. I do think knowing TTATT means work. Just leaving doesn't do it. Support helps, my hubby helped and than I went to therapy. It also helps to be able to break free. I am thinking of one poster that killed himself. I think the stress of having all his family IN was just too much. Some ex-JW's take the freedom to areas that are not healthy. Drinking, drugs, sex.
