I use to hate when people who made goodbye posts on message boards. Why would they think that just because you no longer post on a Chevy Truck forum or a Los Angeles Lakers forum the world would crumble around those still left there. This place is definitely different. Because of what many people who are/were Jehovahs Witnesses went through we often tend to think the very worst when we no longer hear from them. Many times we wonder if they have harmed themselves, maybe they have been harmed! Have they returned to the group have they moved on. Without knowing specifics it can often times cause people to worry either necessarily or unnecessarily.
Sooooooooooo, I have decided to say farewell to this board and thank everyone for the time we spent here. Looking back on the last 4 years of my life I realized that although I was attending meetings and an elder I was not really a JW anymore. I had stopped going out in service and lied about my time. I didn't study and didn't really care for the so-called spiritual needs of my family (as if those useless books were a real indicator of ones desire to upbuild their family). I wanted to get out but just didn't have the co-sign from anyone or anything to validate my feelings and to help me take that step.
When I stumbled across this board I found just what I needed... validation. All those points in the literature I thought were insane were spelled out right here as well as freeminds. I gravitated here because there was much more chatter than any other board or site I attended. I also began to open my mind to new ways of thinking that made me feel very uncomfortable but ultimately led me to accept the very thing that I always knew... I was not a believer in the bible. I really did not want to be the only Black Atheist/Agnostic/heathen (lol) in my family or community. In the black community it is really really really looked down upon. Coming here and discussing things with certain people made me realize that I need to just accept my true feelings/beliefs and start living my life.
I had the initial fear of losing my wife and my kids and my aging parents and my brother and my sister and all of my friends. However I was willing to accept that because with only 80 years of life and at the time 36 of them gone, I would rather be true to myself, accept the consequences and start over if necessary. Fortunately I was able to keep my wife and kids and my sister. I have lost the rest, but it no longer hurts and I have made a and continue to make new friends. More importantly , after giving Watchtower the finger and leaving I feel as if that stigma of being a JW is something I shed and they have no hold over me. It feels great and it is time to move on.
FOR ME, moving on means leaving here, in the sense that constant posting is no longer an option. In the beginning I needed to mentally vomit all of my previous beliefs and thoughts etc... here so that I could lay them out on the table and see and display who I really was so that I could see where I was going and where I wanted to go. Then came the day when posting here became a detriment to me. Not just the time spent here, but once Iwas mentally free and physically free from Watchtower bonds - spending so much time here reading and posting about the Watchtower began to pull me back into meditating on the bad they had done. Really, why do I care about the latest release, or videos of the International Convenntions etc... when I know I will never go back. It was as if I was just reliving the pain and anger and my life was moving backwards. This brought to mind the words of a poster here whose example has encouraged me beyond compare (MYTHREESONS). He said to me on facebook about a year ago "One day at a time...let go a little bit everyday. I know since I haven't been on the forums...I've moved on even more."
The time has come for me to really just let go of what is my last connection to the JWs, www.jehovahs-witness.net . I would like top thank you all for listening to my ramblings and for challenging me when I needed it. In particular:
Cofty - I literally hated you and if I could have found you in my first few months here I would have run you over with my car then backed up over you and but it in drive andparked my front tire on top of your head. I hated your science and reasoning, your were a prick. Yet, it was the same stuff that caused me to finally accept what I felt but due to y cultural constraints I was afraid to voice. I still say If you are ever in Florida please swing by and I promise not to run you over.
Terry - Your insightful posts helped me, but more importantly I printed out a number of them and left them around for my wife to see. They were the key in helping her breakaway and I am forever grateful.
Lisa Rose - At a time that I was extremely angry and felt that no one would ever understand what I was feeling... you did and the comfort was truly appreciated.
LoisLane - I really appreciated speaking to you about the things we spoke about ROFL. You have my email so I hope it continues!
Snakeface - You are the coolest! Nuff said!
OntheWayOut - Your story really helped me more than you know. Not to mention the fact you are just a nice guy.
villagegirl - you may not remember the things we discussed, but you also wher ethere at a time that I needed it
TD - You slapped me around in my thread about the apostle Paul being a failed Jew. Your words in that thread made me go to the library and I spent about 3 weeks involved in research the likes of which I have not engaged in since my time in school. That venture also made me realize I am ready to finish my degree and helped lead to me re-enrolling to finish my degree. Thanks ( http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/266373/1/IS-it-possible-that-Paul-was-just-a-failed-Pharisee-that )
There are a few more people that I would like to thank but I feel this has rambled long enough.
Thanks to all of you for the past year and a half. I wish you all the best and may you all truly find the freedom you deserve.
CONFUSEDandALONE signing off