Too funny!
Caleb asks his Dad a question.
by LogCon 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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ohnightdivine
Dad: We wrestle with the demons, son. What were you thinking?!
Caleb: Oh, I thought you had something else in mind.
Dad: Something in my mind? What is that?
Caleb: It's the element of a person that enables them to be aware of their world and their experiences. But, that's not important right now..
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hamsterbait
Caleb: Dad, I am worried.
Dad: Why is that, son?
Caleb: Weeel, you know how everything in the Witchtower is TRUE TRUE TRUE?
Dad: Are you getting apostate leanings, son?
Caleb: No no no - please dont beat me again for asking questions.
Dad: Okay - but only if you ask the right ones...
Caleb: Well, you know how in Sundays study the footnote said that if you go away from home for a few days you can become a queer or a child molestor?
Dad: Where is this going you little filthy manwhore?
Caleb: Nonono! All I am worried about is if I go to summer camp, will it turn me queer, or become a pedo?
Dad: ABSOLUTELY!! Everything the Witchtower Babble and Trash Sick-ciety prints is da troof from jehoobie's mouth!!!
Caleb: So that must be what happened to you after you went away to elduhs school for two weeks! Thanks Dad, I am soo happy to know the Witchtower printed da troof...
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SuperBoy
Dad : Caleb, two of the elders are here to see you.
Caleb : Oh hai Brother Narrow and Brother Frost. How are you.
Brother Narrow : We are well and we hope you are too. Isn't it wonderful that the organisation has given us so many tools to help us?
Caleb : Yeah, I guess so. So you're here to see me? Is it for the baptism questions? I thought I was too young.
Dad : Well Caleb, nothing would make us happier than seeing you get dunked, I mean baptised, but at the minute we need to have a chat about all your questions.
Brother Frost : It's .... important... that ... we ... use... our... mental... faculties... as... described... here... in.... Paul's... ... .... letter... to ... the .... Corinthians...
Dad : Caleb, wake up!
Caleb : Sorry Dad. I'm tired. It's after 9!
Brother Frost: ...so ... do... you... see... Caleb... that... you... don't... have... to... question... the... authority... of... the... organisation...
Brother Narrow : In fact Caleb, remember we learnt about the wide road? The wide road is full of people asking questions. They can't see the truth right before their eyes.
Caleb : Yeaaaaaaaah....
Brother Narrow : And Caleb, we all want to see you in the Paradise Earth. Where you'll be able to see your brother again.
Caleb : Yes.
Dad : And Caleb, do you remember what thing caused all the pain in the world?
Caleb : Oh yes it was when Eve ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and bad. We learnt about that in My Book of Bible Stories.
Dad : No, it wasn't that. Think more.
Caleb : Was it Satan the Devil lying to Eve?
Dad : He certainly did, but it wasn't that.
Caleb : I thought it was eating the fruit.
Dad : Let's be modern-day Boreans, just for a moment. Examine the scriptures.
Brother Narrow : Wow. What a spiritual education you're getting young man!
Caleb : So it wasn't Satan telling a lie, and it wasn't Eve eating the fruit. Oh I know. It was Adam! He ate it. Eve was deceived but it was Adam.
Dad : That was part of the problem, yes. But that's not the answer we're looking for.
Caleb : I dunno Dad. What was it? What was it that caused them to sin and condemn mankind to sinful condition?
Dad : It was a question, Caleb. A question. Satan asked 'Is it really so..." do you remember?
Caleb : Wow! I had no idea that a question could be so dangerous.
Brother Frost : We... all... have... a god... given... curiosity... but we also have... given by god... his organisation. It will never let you down Caleb.
Caleb : I never thought about it like that! Wow. I will listen to the organisation from now on. I'm sorry Dad.
Dad : Good boy. Now you don't have to apologise to me. For your prayers, maybe you should apologise to Jehovah for doubting his organisation.
Caleb : I can't wait for the New System!
Brother Frost : Well... I... remember... when... I... was... your...age... Caleb... it... was... just... around... the... corner... then... ... ... so... how... much... closer... must... it... be... now....
Brother Narrow : That's why you should draw close to Jehovah's organisation.
Dad : The organisation, yes! -
phats
Caleb: Thank you brother Narrow, So when I'm your age & I'm still waiting for the new system I can tell a little boy like me that it must be even closer now & then he can do the same when he is old like you & he is still waiting.
Caleb" Wow I can't wait to get old now.
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stuckinarut2
Caleb "dad, why are all my friends 'conditional'?"
Dad: "because your best friends are ones who love Jehovah , I mean the organization"
Caleb "but isnt that kinda f#c&ed up??"
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phats
Dad: No Caleb it isn't. What you must never forget is that WHATEVER our Loving Organization asks of us we must do it. Do you remember what we were told in that WT the other week? We were told that even if what we are told makes no sense to us or we even think that it is wrong we MUST do it. Now we can't be doing that if we think for ourselves now can we?
Caleb: No Dad. I would not do anything horrible unless I was told that it wasn't horrible by our Loving organization. Like what you did to Uncle Charley.
Dad: I'm proud of you son. So proud.
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ohnightdivine
And they held hands as they walked into the... wherever.
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AndDontCallMeShirley
OND:
Dad: We wrestle with the demons, son. What were you thinking?!
Caleb: Oh, I thought you had something else in mind.
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Dad: "On second thought, Caleb, I'll wrestle with your sister another time. I am reminded of what "Mother" (not your real mother, your mother that is in reality seven fathers in Brooklyn) has said about "two witnesses", so let's keep today's "wrestling" to just you and me. How does that sound, champ?"
Caleb: "Since you've become an elder, Dad, you sure are knowledgable about WT rules and policies."
Dad: "CYA, son...CYA. Now go get the baby oil".
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stuckinarut2
Caleb: "dad, you know how we have been told by Jehovahs loving organization never to worship idols or images?"
Dad: "yes Caleb that is correct. That's why we don't have any images etc in our lovely Kingdom Halls"
Caleb: "but Dad, why the do all the stadiums we have our awesome international conventions this year around the world have massive banners with the logo JW.ORG hanging all over the place like some nazi style rally?"
Dad: " no son, that's just to help us keep close before our minds and eyes who it is we worship. They are there as a kind of aid to drawing closer to the loving organisation"
Caleb: (walks off thinking, but keeping the thoughts to himself of course until he is old enough to leave home) "Dad, you really are messed up! I resent you so much for raising me in a f#ckEd up cult and ruining my life so much"