A few months ago I posted about the dilemna I was facing with my girlfriend and getting reinstated. A little under a year ago, both of us were disfellowshipped for sexual immorality. While it was difficult, we promised to stick together through it, work our way toward marraige, and eventually return. As time went on, however, I was able to see life outside of the organization for the first time in my life. While I do believe in a God, I took time to examine some of the teachings that I was raised to believe. I also was able to start to see people for what they are. Muslim, Baptist, Catholic, Jew, Hindu, it doesn't matter. We all mostly want the same things. I was also hired to work in a public service job, and really got to make a difference in my local community, as well as earn the trust and friendship of my brother firefighters.
While we've both been out, we've battled with this whole loyaly concept. The idea that if someone is disfellowshipped, they are no longer worthy of your association. What's more, if you pass them on the street or incidentally see them, to shun them completely. While I was growing up, that never sat well with me. But the thing that changed my way of seeing things was the way my father and select few friends treated me after my disfellowshipping. Instead of coldly turning their backs on me, they continued to have upbuilding and encouraging association with me. Things with my girlfriend went well until she decided to turn in her letter of reinstatement. That's when things changed.
After every meeting, like clockwork, I would be bombarded with feelings of guilt and "could have", "should have", "would haves". It was then that she began to tell me what her elders were counseling her to do. They beat around the bush for about a month and a half until finally, last night, she was given an ultimatum; break all contact with me and be reinstated, or continue in a disfellowshipped state. The only woman that I've loved decided to break off the relationship. What's more, she regurgitated the counsel she received saying that she loves me, but loves Jehovah, her God, more. She even went as far as to say that the ball is in my court, and that' she'll wait for me "in the organization." Now, I'm as patient as the next guy, but doesn't it seem convenient that while she had absolutely no one to talk to, she was gung ho about staying together and that she'd never leave my side? How about the fact that just Friday night she was talking about how I was the one that stood by her side through it all. One comforting point, though. She said that she still loves me, and will be wait for me.
This cold, calculating treatment is exactly what I feared. The organization, not Jehovah takes precedent every time. A set of rules, regulations, and proceedings supersede common sense at times. My local elders have been loving, understanding, and have encouraged me to do the right thing and get married. Not extreme views, no battering, just sound advise. At this point, I plan on moving forward. I almost feel betrayed. At the same time, though, I'm happy for her in her course. Part of loving someone is wanting to see them happy. I just wish it wasn't such a complete and total mindf*ck.