by startingover13 24 Replies latest social physical
Loyalty or integrity, which is first?
That question came up 30 years ago in my Book Study group...after the meeting, when we were out for coffee, of course.
Now it's your turn to answer, and to live with your choice.
I can only tell you that it's rough either way.
Heartfelt empathy and love from AnneB
Cutting ties for now may do us both some good. I'm just in a bad sport because my entire network of friends and even my father are still in. I hate to be in this position. Thanks to all for the advice.
I have been doing this dance for basically 3 years. For the past year I have arrived at being an Agnostic. I would rather be physically alone than mentally and emotionally alone while being surrounded by physical bodies. It sucks being married to someone you CANNOT be honest or open with, nor share the way you feel without them going on the defensive/freaking out. Its a lonely place to be. My friends names are Jim, Jack, and Jose.
I'm so sorry for your heartache...that is a tough decision and I can give no good advise....I hope that you will make the right decision for you. You seem like you have learned alot since being thrown out of the organization, I hope you can use some of those critical thinking skills you have picked up!!
I wish you the best!!
CHG
Give her your own ultimatum:
Love me and be with me regardless of whether or not I go to a kingdom hall, or walk away.
My advice is run away; I know someone who just left a long marriage after years of hearing if it's a choice between you and 'Jehovah', I choose Jehovah.
Why stay in a relationship where your partner lets others interfere between the two of you???
If you stay, you are trapped.
"My local elders have been loving, understanding, and have encouraged me to do the right thing and get married. Not extreme views, no battering, just sound advise. At this point, I plan on moving forward. I almost feel betrayed. At the same time, though, I'm happy for her in her course. Part of loving someone is wanting to see them happy. I just wish it wasn't such a complete and total mindf*ck."
How do the elders know that is the right thing for you?
It is what they want you to do, what will give them warm fuzzines, but what about you?
Elders are NOT loving and understanding; they are judgemental gate keepers who are keeping you out, and making demands before they allow anyone to talk to you.
Sack up, and walk away.
SO13, This has given you a perfect opportunity to see things how they really are.
"She said that she still loves me, and will be wait for me. "
That's the baited hook that would drag you back into the cult. She's made her choice. She has chosen slavery to a cult.
Your set of elders are encouraging you to marry and her set of elders are telling her to seperate. It couldn't be more obvious that this organization has no idea how to be guided by Holy Spirit. The fact that your girlfriend still wants to follow these guys isn't because she is putting God first but for some other reason.
Even if she let you "come back," you will still have to deal with:
"The organization, the elders, the WT, the AW" will always be telling you what to think, what not to do, what to do, how to do it, how to feel, how to breathe.... The Borg creates a terrible extra burden on any marriage. Guilt is a prime ingredient in any WT recipe.
I have seen the grandmother of an abused child fight for the Society one day, yell at the Society the next, go back the day after, and smile and breathe and then shun her sons because... now she gets to 'be a pioneer' again. Quite sad, but quite true. My point is that the Society has an uneasy, uncanny power over people, and they don't even show natural affection any more...
It's better you start over younger, than go thru all kinds of MORE misery, and have to start over older. Number one, find out who you are. Love yourself, find things you really really enjoy doing. Move, get a different job that you can get to know different people at. Get a different perspective. For as much as people think that there is "only one person" that is your ideal match, that just could not be true! If your ideal match is in the same town you were born in, and mine too, etc, etc.... Well, what would be the odds that it is simply looking for a person, getting to know a person, then coming to appreciate and love them? There are many other great people, allow yourself the chance to live. :-)
Hang in there.... life changes one step at a time.
stto13,
Am sorry for your plight. Here's how I see it. I'm a worldly guy and came into the fold briefly. She may, at the moment genuinely feel, she loves you and would "wait" for you. If this was not the borg. I would say say she's giving you the raspberry. But...how long before the elders brainwash her completely into forgetting you? She has already been brainwashed into going back -turning her back on her one love. If she is in the pinup class it won't be long until some elder encourages her to accept another arrow from cupid. It is my understanding that you guys did not discuss the borg being a false prophet. If she has been praying for reinstatement and it has happened...good luck with trying to convince her otherwise. Her prayers have been answered.
I want to digress a bit to make a point. A gentleman in a congregation, was without a job for the last 3 years as he got laid off during this eco. downturn. He prayed for three years and "waited on J" and now bingo! four weeks ago, he got a govt. job with excellent benefits. Do you think this guy will ever turn his back on the org. Not even if you hit him with the most convincing truth about the borgs doings.
Here's my five cents. You have two choices. You could get reinstated too- once in - try and make her see the real truth about this org. and hopefully both of you will be out. The Q is How long is that going to take? Another Q ? will she ever be convinced?
Its a gamble one way or another.
If it were me I would take BU2B's option.
