My First Year of Posting and How I Have Changed

by James Jackson 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  James Jackson

  I lurked for 2 years on this site before I joined in July 2013. What a roller coaster ride it has been.

  First of all, I was a very active JW for those unfamilar with my story having been a Longtime Elder(21 years), Regular Pioneer (14 years), Convention & Assembly Speaker, etc. I am still an active Witness because I am older now, with close to 40 years in the Borg with some longtime friends. Boy how I have changed! I used to have that gleam in the eye, enthusiastic smile on my face, "drinking the koolaid" to the max, " all the meetings are so good", volunteering for canceled talks, you get the point.

  Now I can barely stay awake at the meetings. My wife says it seems that she is nugging me at every meeting. I told her they need to change their format, it is so boring there (she just nodded her head). I told her I can guess ahead of time what is going to be in the next KM. She agrees that alot now seems to be just repeated material. I asked her, "When was the last good Public Talk", she admitted, "It's been awhile". I told one Elder that "some of our Public Talks have been lacking in substance or praticality for Christians today. He said tell the Talk Coordinator (i didn't, for this would be a sign of rebellion).

  Another change is "Taking Counsel". I have always been a Humble person. Various Sisters knew the could come to me and say anything they wanted and I would politely listen and not counsel them for having hateful thoughts or a rebellious attitude. Now I have been counseled 3 times in the past year for frivolus things like "Football, drinking alcohol". Then 2 Elders wanted to talk to me about my teenage daughter watching a PG movie with another sister that had Spiritistic overtones. I told them; "You Know, I am tired of being Counseled", and I walked out of the Kingdom Hall. Later that evening, one of the Elders call me to apologize and he pegged me not to change congregations.

  Next, my speech. You can say I cuss a heck of alot more. Not the vulgar type, just He.l, Sh.t, Da.n, you get it! Also, my dreams. Oh I still sleep good at night (because I work my Ass off every day), but I used to have vivid realistic dreams about "Armageddon, Life on the Paradise Earth, The Ressurection,etc". Now, none of that, nada, ziltch.

  Thanks for letting me vent a bit!

  JJ
• 

  Magnum

  Your story sounds somewhat like mine, except that I just can't go to meetings anymore. They are supremely boring. When I did go, the last few years I would read the Bible or something else during them because I felt that I was wasting my life. You might be around my age. How can you stand to waste so much time? We don't have that much time left. One meeting can easily kill four hours when you consider the time to get dresssed, drive to the hall, etc.

  The public talks have been horrific where I'm from. I completely lost my desire to invite new ones to meetings because of the low quality of the talks. And the situation's getting worse for several reasons: 1) The material is not as exciting as it was back in the Frreddy days when we thought exciting things were about to happen on the world scene. 2) People now have so much info available to them through the internet, TV channels, etc., that they're accustomed to acquiring info in an entirely different way now. They want their info rapidly. If they get bored, they leave the website, channel, etc. Their attention spans are shorter. They couldn't stand to sit and listen to some guy in a cheap suit ramble incoherently and boringly for 30 minutes.
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  quellycatface

  I enjoyed reading your post.

  The talks are so bland now, compared to, say 10 years ago. I noticed that when I was still in last year, after an absence of 4 years. They have no real message, no content or inspiration.

  I much prefer the sermons at my local church. Today it was about Peter being released from prison by the angel. The key point was when he went to the house and no one believed the girl that said Peter was at the door because they lacked faith in God. Then it went on to talk about praying with faith, rather than by routine. I really enjoyed it. I have a lady vicar, who's really kind and caring but enjoys a joke too.

  I never felt I was learning anything at the KH.
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  Magnum

  And another point: I don't know what to believe anymore about whether God exists. I want to believe in a god, but I'm not sure anymore. I began to feel that if there is a God that I was wasting time at JW meetings in getting to know that god and what he wants of us humans. I started to feel that I could use my time better by reading the Bible and researching on my own. The meetings are such an inefficient use of time. There is so little valuable material for all the time consumed. I actually began to feel that I might be displeasing God by going to meetings. Many of the Scriptures that I/we used to use against "Christendom" and others seemed to start applying to JWs to me. For example, "let him that thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall." As a JW, I always thought I was standing, but I began to question that. How crazy would it be if all those years that I applied that to others, it actually applied to me (and JWs as a whole). JWs certainly think they're "standing". Could that verse apply to them?

  Also this (Mt 7:21-23): "Not everyone saying to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the kingdom of the heavens, but the one doing the will of my Father who is in the heavens will. Many will say to me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and expel demons in your name, and perform many powerful works in your name?’ And yet then I will confess to them: I never knew YOU! Get away from me, YOU workers of lawlessness." I began to think, my God, could that apply to JWs??? I certainly thought I was doing great things in the name of God or Jesus, but could I be guilty of not doing God's will? Could that passage apply to me and JWs as a whole??? Think about it that passage. The ones who are being referred to express real shock that they're found to be not doing God's will. JWs would certainly be shocked. They think they are it - the one and only chosen people of God - God's only representatatives on earth. Wouldn't they be shocked to have God or Jesus say to them: "get away from me"?

  Anyway, the above just shows what/how I started thinking and why I actually wondered whether I might be displeasing God by going to meetings.
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  J.C.

  Hmmm. Sounds like you a growing tired and weary. What happened to those who endure to the end will be saved ? Actually. Why not be concerned about the renovation ponzi money making machine. Now changed because it was found out. How about the lack of love in the congregation. Identifying Mark of a true Christian congragation. It's now like the Pharisees who made rules. Enforced them and held people down. Constant judging of each other as to what you do instead of being happy with who you are. Didn't Jesus want to get rid of that ? How about the constart changing generation ? 100 years now. And how about the sexual abuse cover ups ? The meetings are the same. Over n over. I always wondered why new publications. It's always the same. Oh ... New publications. Inspires donations. Jesus said you received free. Give free.
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  designs

  I thought this was about cross-dressing Ooops
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  millie210

  LOL designs, good one~

  James Jackson, your story is very similar to mine other than I am a woman married to an elder instead of being an elder.

  That is a curious thing you mentioned about your speech habits changing.

  I have noticed the same thing! I was never exposed much to "colorful" language growing up and so I cant use that as a reason. So what is that all about? Curious!

  Thanks for posting your analysis of your first year. It was helpful to read.
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  clarity

  James Jackson ...... enjoyed your rant, were there

  overtones of grieving ?.........or is that just me.

  This whole process is a bit like having a bucket of

  cold water dropped over your head!!!

  .

  During my last few years ...the thought of actually

  inviting an 'interested person' to the meeting, was

  a huge source of frustration for me. As single woman

  I felt pretty much ignored. So I just couldn't imagine

  subjecting a stranger to this depressing situation and

  calling it 'gods happy people', with love so great they

  wouldn't even be invited out for a cup of coffee!!!

  .

  Because life at the KH for me was so awful...the house

  of cards came down very quickly...........

  For someone else who has a goodbuddy or partner at

  their side and a lot of 'pull' in the congregation their

  comfort level at the meetings would probably keep

  them sitting in their places a bit longer.

  .

  Love that you are here James Jackson. I wish you

  and your wife the happiness & the freedom that you so

  deserve.

  clarity
• 

  tornapart

  Like you I'm still 'in' (so to speak) JJ. I know exactly what you mean about the meetings. Years ago there used to be some kind of substance. Now it's all the same regurgitated stuff. I don't go to the mid week meeting anymore. Can't stomach them and I make sure I know what's in the WT before I go on Sunday in case it makes me want to be sick.

  Think there are a lot of us on here that are still trying to endure it for the sake of our loved ones!
• 

  jgnat

  I suggest finding new ways to entertain yourselves rather than "endure". Witnesses spend far too much of their lives simply enduring. It is like a little death. Here are some games to try.

  Blank notebook, fresh pencil. Write a poem or a play. Play BS bingo every time you hear a pat phrase. Practice flipping your fellow Witnesses out of cult mode by bringing up their special interests. See how long you can keep them flipped on natural. Practice switching the conversation back on them. Cultivate new personal boundaries and practice enforcing them either rudely or not. Get an iPad and load it up with subversive but apparently innocuous apps. There are more ideas but I would like to hear yours.