Katie: I hope you will take some of the people up on their offers here to call and talk - it really will help to vent your feelings to someone.
I know what pain you are going through - my heart hurts just thinking about your situation right now. I, like many others here, suffered a terrible heart break and loss in my past and I wanted so badly to kill myself so I wouldn't hurt any more. Please take my advice - I've been there!! E-mail someone on this board that you feel compelled to talk to and let them call you. Talking DOES help you through until time starts to heal.