YEP!! Anything "Orwellian" applies to JWs. That particular phrase struck me, because all the kids love those books and movies. I drop that quote whenever I can.
DD
BEING SHUNNED
by JOHNROSS93 25 Replies latest jw experiences
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tenyearsafter
I am in agreement with two-way shunning...why would shunners feel you still have an obligation to them even though they reject you? They have no shame in approaching you for money or help, but if the shoe were on the other foot, you would not hear a peep from them. Pure hypocrites!
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Xanthippe
Johnross I'm sorry your family are treating you like this, I know it hurts. My family have shunned me for twenty-five years. How am I dealing with it? Well like you I used to send my mother things. When my dad who was never a witness told me she had her purse stolen in a shop I posted her a new leather purse. No phone call and I found it in her things, unused, after she'd gone.
One thing that really hurt was that when my daughter was born I took her to see my parents and my mother acted as though she was just tolerating the visit for the sake of her unbelieving mate and his granddaughter.
Just before we left she picked my daughter up for the first time and brought her to our car. I put my arms out to my mother so I could put my daughter in her car seat and my mother was so desperate not to touch me she nearly dropped my baby on the drive. Her head would have smashed on the concrete.
After a while I stopped trying to phone my siblings, that's how I deal with it now. I wont accept their attitude that possibly I can phone them and maybe they will speak to me if they feel like it or they might put the phone down as has happened.
That is very wrong so I don't contact them now. It's hard but I refuse to let them abuse me and treat me as if I am evil. I wont play by their rules. In the real world if people repeatedly treat you badly you avoid them as toxic. As I now live in the real world that is what I do.
I hope you find a way to cope with your family. I suppose I would advise you to choose whom you love and find new 'family' who value you for who you are rather than just where you were born.
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Quendi
I know the pain you feel, JOHNROSS93. I am disfellowshipped myself with some family still in the cult: an aunt and three cousins. They live on the other side of the country and I haven't seen them face-to-face in many years, certainly not since I was disfellowshipped nine years ago. the separation is painful but tolerable. It is the shunning by former friends here in Colorado which has been more difficult to endure. One of them in particular was my closest friend. We have spoken several times in the intervening years, but he won't do anything to rekindle our friendship. He won't return phone calls, emails or text messages.
My partner has urged me not to give up on this man as doing so would mean ending a close friendship of more than thirty years. And today, during church, our pastor gave a message that encouraged all his listeners to keep lines of communication open with one another. But while I still believe that communication is the lifeblood of every relationship we have, I am at a loss about how to communicate with those who no longer wish to love us as they once did but would rather treat us as if we are dead. The evil power of the WTS cult is no better demonstrated than in the shunning its members heartlessly practice against other people.
I agree with tenyearsafter and zeb about two-way shunning in that I will not force my affection on those unwilling even to acknowledge my existence. I have had little contact with JWs since I stopped attending meetings four years ago nor will I go out of my way to show them any special consideration. I won't approach those I used to know if I see them in a public place or some other venue because I also don't believe in putting people on the spot like that. There are a few Witnesses who have maintained contact with me, some who have responded to overtures from me with occasional talk and others who have made it clear they want nothing more to do with me. I have tried to react to individuals rather than to the organization when it comes to personal contact, but I have learned that unlike the WTS I cannot use a one-size-fits-all approach in this matter.
Shunning is both very painful and very powerful, a fact the WTS knows quite well. Cherry-picked scriptures are the basis for this policy and the organization has used it to maintain iron-clad control over its membership. The Governing Body has made it harsher with nary a peep from the rank-and-file, more's the pity. I suppose we can't expect any better given that we're dealing with a cult. What I find most disquieting is the way lives of people both inside and outside the cult's reaches are being negatively impacted. Like the ancient prophet of old, all I can do is cry out, "How long, O Jehovah?"
Quendi
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CaramelQueen
That's one of many reasons that I relocated to another state when I "woke-up" The only blood relative I have is my sister and if she knew that I was inactive, and bascially just do NOT beieve the WT society anymore she would in all probability shun me. I know I'm gonna have to 'bite the bullet' eventualty, but for right now...well...sometmes ignorance (on her part) is bliss (for me)
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Crazyguy
I never saw the other side to it with Df'd or DA'd ones not like this. I never did like the DF'd arrangement and thought it was cruel but again you don't know until you walk in another's shoes.. A friend of about 18 was DF'd for getting date raped and then pregnant and she delayed telling the elders so she was kicked out. (no love)... Since being on this site one really gets a view of the other side. And then you realize how arrogant the JW religion is! Jesus if there was a guy would not tolerate this kind of actions. He was a teacher of love and love was his overriding gospel.. Theres no way in Hell that the JW religion would ever be god's true religion.....If there's anyway to get his message of love and show the scriptures about love being what its all about thats what I'm trying to do. Today on facebook i posted Matt 5:43-48 which talks about this very thing!!! Im sure most JW's won't even think about it in this contacts but if I can wake up just one....
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kaik
I have my own family, and they made their choice. Over past 20 years, my sibling emailed me couple times, and I had only ONE phone call. It got bit better lately as they do see the flip flop, but the time gone cannot be changed. I grew up without knowing much my nieces and nephews. At least I have close relationship with mom, but she was not talking to me for couple years. Sometimes people have to accept the fact that they will never get their family back. My aunt shunned my DF cousin until she died 25 years later. One woman in KH that I knew since I was a toddler never dealt with any of her grandchildren once her son was DF for sexual conduct with another woman and made her pregnant. She until her death would not even say a word to her several grandchildren who were living in vey small town and often would call grandma on the street. She would just turn her head away and pretended she would not know them. She is dead. WT will destroy relationship among family and they do not get repeared. I know it is painfull, but I have my family and friends who were there for me when I needed them. I realize that blood relationship are sometimes disfunctional, but while I could not choose my birth family, I did choose my in-law one.
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Focus
JOHNROSS93, I really feel for you.
Do you think being part of a class action where your share of the damages done to you by this evil Society that programmed your own mother and other family members to hate you and shun you for 40 years would help assuage the pain?
Would you say $10,000,000 paid to you might go a little way to compensate you?
Most of all, you'd have the satisfaction of knowing that your part in a legal action would have helped bankrupt the Filthy, Diseased Whore aka the WTS that is responsible.
Think about it.
I don't belong to the "yap-yap-yap" and "moan-moan-moan" Class which predominates here.
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Focus
("Sue! Sue! Sue!" Class)
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outforever
yep understand!! my little sister (left the truth but not DF) phoned me this morning to let me know that my mom's best friend died: she was 88. I got a little sad / or a moment or two because my mom could have turned to me or had me in her life: but shunned for 10 years now.
Did tell on another post that my bif sister (elders wife) asked my little sister for help from me (money) to have my mom put into a old age home. Said I would if she asked me face to face: so no that did not happen: so I did not help.
Would be lovely to sue / sue / sue but goodness all the paper work that would go into that / all the time / and who know especially in South Africa how long that would take.
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cha ching
I feel so bad for all that are shunned.
The WT is a cruel, cold hearted, calculating organization... period.
When people are DF'd, shunned, wait a year, are welcomed back with "love", you are "paying" people to "come back to Jehovah", it is a payoff. When you are shunned, does that make you love Jehovah? No.
"Shun them so that they will come back to Jehovah" = Blackmail. It is not love, it does not make people love, it only makes hate.