Sirona, don't give up hope. Let me tell you what happened to me.
I was married to a real bastard; married him at age 17 (like a typical JW) and he was domineering, selfish, unloving, and emotionally abusive. By the time I was nearing 30, I was at the end of my rope. I knew I couldn't live with that man any longer, but I had two young children and had never worked. Fortunately, I got a job and that gave me the courage to leave, because I realized I *could* support myself and my children.
He made it extremely hard to leave, though, and in the end I decided that *nothing* was worth staying. I left him with the house, our business (a sideline in addition to his regular job that brought in quite a bit of money), half our possessions, and one of the two cars. I had absolutely nothing. I was making $4.75 an hour, had no benefits, was paying rent, and struggling to feed and clothe two kids. It was rough as hell.
I ended up going to school. That was difficult, too, but I qualified for financial aid. I also had to take out student loans--$18,000 total--which was a lot of money back in the 80s. I was poor as a church mouse the whole time I was in college, and by my last year in college I'd married my second husband, who turned out to be a total loser. I ended up supporting him, too, even while I was still in college. After I graduated, we bought a house (which I paid for). When we eventually broke up, he got half the equity (we sold the house) and we split our belongings down the middle. Once again, I owned a small business with this husband, which I had paid for myself. He got the business when we split up. My friends were horrified. They couldn't understand why I'd let him have half the equity and a business I paid for. But I was afraid that if we went to court, I'd end up having to pay him alimony!! Pretty screwed up, huh?
My half of the equity lasted nine months--that's how long it took me to find a job after I moved to another state. So I was starting out again with absolutely nothing.
Flash forward to today. I'm happily remarried, live in a lovely house, have plenty of money. And my first husband? He still lives in the same house (it's not much, believe me). He started a business for which he's in hawk up to his eyeballs. Even then, he's barely making enough to pay his overhead. He has virtually no money to live on. As you can see, the tables have really turned.
I don't have a single regret that I left those marriages, especially the first one, with nothing. What I have now I've earned myself, the hard way. And I'm proud of that. You might have some rough years ahead, but in the end you'll come out just fine, and you'll be a stronger person for it.
My husband, Alan, lost a LOT of money when he got divorced. He'd been married for nearly 20 years, and she got 75% of their net worth, including the house. Plus, he had to pay her $1600 a month for alimony and child support for one child. When we met, we were both starting out again, and Alan had big debts from his first marriage. But within just a few years, the circumstances had changed. We're doing very well financially. Alan's daughter has come to live with us and we no longer pay alimony and child support. We paid all of Alan's debts off. At first, Alan was really unhappy about his financial situation and the way his ex-wife bled him dry. But it all turned out for the best in the long run. And I think it will turn out fine for you, too. Just take it one day at a time, and concentrate on the future. You can do amazing things with your life, even if it takes a while. Two years might seem like a long time to you right now, but it will pass more quickly than you could imagine. I left my first marriage in 1984, and here it is now 2002. I can't believe how quickly those years went by, even the five difficult years I was in school.
Good luck to you. Hang in there, and keep your chin up.
Julie F
