If you were leaving your partner... (page 3)

LDH

((((Julie F))))

Sirona, it isn't just the unmarried couples who have money problems.....

Money troubles account for *most* of the arguments in *most* marriages.

You have had a glimpse of what this person will do to you financially, he will shipwreck you.

Please don't fall for his line again. You don't love him, you only think you do.

Find a real man, yep one who helps pay the bills. Pull a credit report or at least do some closer observation of his money habits.

Now that we know that Paradise Real Soon isn't going to rescue any of us from our money troubles, we have to take responsibility for savings, investment, retirement and such.

The decisions you make today you will have to live with tomorrow.

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Lisa

lydia

Sirona,

I am going to be a bit blunt honey - but please realize I have your best intrests at heart.....

1. the first thing I would do is to call your creditors...see if they will allow you to only be responcible for YOUR HALF of the bills accumulated.
-and even thought it will still show up on your credit report..
ask them to give you a letter stating that you have
fulfilled your part of the dept when it is fulfilled.
These letters will better help you to establish your credit again.

2. Call a Lawyer... You need to be very careful with this man
- he knows he has you over a barrel and this is due to your
feelings for him...( have been there too...)

3. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM!!!!!!
- Read the books Marilyn (mulan) has recomended...
I'm not an expert
- but it sounds like this relationship has some
serious problems..and you need to addres them BEFORE
you let yourself open for more hurt and pain..

4. Take the time you need to get free of the financial burden
of him..
and get a divorce if needed...
That way you are in control of your destiny - not him!!

5. Sit down and really look at the relationship
- if he has done this once
- chances are he will do it again.
...and again.
....and again....
You need to make a realistic assesment of the relationship
- be objective
- look at it as if some one was realting the story to you
..what would you recomend they do????

6. Take a deep breath and do what yu would recomend - the first step is always the hardest...
Be brave..
and you will suceed in finding someone who
would be worthy of your love...

Hugs!!!!!
Lyd

BeautifulGarbage

Hi Sirona,

Red flags were all over your post on my screen. I can sense the extreme conflict you have. Your head and your heart are really duking it out.

The "man" offers no apologies for the damage inflicted on you? If you decide you may have a future with him, I only see more pain coming your way. He has already handed you a heaping bowl of what he is capable of doing.

I'm sure your head knows that. However, when you are with him, the heart feels so good. Romance aside, money is HUGE in a relationship as you have so painfully found out.

My Mom went through something similiar to JulieF. I have to tell you, I have never seen a man that was financial "cad" ever get better.

Please be careful. I know you have had much fall on your head lately and your are vulnerable. However, I don't think this guy is going to make a stressful situation better.

Take Care,

Andee

SPAZnik

Just one more cent...

It bothers me that you seem to be letting him call all the shots.

A relationship is a TWO-way street, no?

Like, if a guy left me high and dry with debts
then came back after living the high life
(not that i'd accept him back, but if i did)
and he said come live with me i'll only charge
you 100/month.....

pshaw! not bloody likely.

He has made it crystal clear to you
that he values himself and will look out for himself.

Perhaps you now need some practise at
sending some messages back.

Starting with...
sure i'll move in, but i won't be able
to pay you rent until such and such a debt
of "ours" is paid off.

:)

SPAZ

rmayer32

I would think the "higher" income person would still have to provide financial support at least until the divorce would be finalized and assets completely divided, house sold etc...

-Rick

Sirona

Hi All,

Thanks for your comments, today seems much brighter.

I need to clear up a few things here. I don't have bad credit and I have seen a copy of my credit file. We halved the debt and I'm still paying off my half...but I feel that he is responsible for all the debt due to his job hopping and time off habits while we were together. He didn't help me when I explained that I'd lose the house. The house was rented, so it was never a bad credit problem, I simply moved out and paid whatever bills were outstanding. It was more a case of me not being *able* to then have my own place, rented or otherwise.

Also, we ARE divorced. I divorced him! I was so angry that he'd left and was going abroad that I did it.

Heres GOOD news... The problem I had yesterday where I thought my attempt at getting my own place had fallen through is now SORTED! I'm so happy, last night I managed to clear up the problem and this means that I can go ahead and get my own place.

Yesterday I'd panicked when I hit this problem and got angry at how hard I'd been trying without getting anywhere.

After I'd sorted things out last night, I told him that I felt that when we split it was unfair with regards to money. He said he disagreed. We've arranged to talk it out. He was upset that I haven't mentioned it before. I'm going to see if he accepts any responsibility, and listen to his side of the story. He reminded me of things he *did* help me out with when we split, things that I'd forgotten about.

Lisa

Find a real man, yep one who helps pay the bills

You have a point here. He has always helped to pay the bills, but has been unreliable in doing so. Excuses about why he needs to leave this job or (more recently) why he bought something he didn't need and then didn't have enough to pay a bill.

Lydia, I'm not going to move in with him, I'm getting my own place now. I think this is a good step to being really independent.

Andee, he has apologised for hurting me when we split. He simply doesn't think that financially he should have helped me...he thinks that I should have paid half. Some people would say that we were in a partnership and if you have a debt then each pays half.

Spaznik - good points. He does value himself and has looked out for no. 1.

Rmayer, I earn more than he does. I always have because I've stuck at my job for 6.5 years. That doesn't mean that I carry him by paying off what he should pay off.

Sirona

** http://www.religioustolerance.org **

Sirona

Rmayer, I've just realised I need to make a correction. I've earned more than him, but when we split, he was able to work more hours (nights etc.) which allowed him to get lots of extra money with which to pay off his half. I could not do this because my job doesnt offer overtime and I had other responsibilities that he didn't have. He could pay per week the same amount that I could only pay per month.

Sirona

** http://www.religioustolerance.org **

Sirona

I thought I'd bring this to the top so that those who have advised me are aware of the points above etc.

Thanks
Sirona

** http://www.religioustolerance.org **

If you were leaving your partner...

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