Perfect Relationship, He Still Broke Up With Me (page 2)

innerpeace

So sorry Tiff, there's some good comments and advice on here. I agree that he is prob having inner turmoil cause that is the witness way, guilt and more guilt, all topped off with fear. The conventions have a way of making those feelings worse, they get everyone in a frenzy.

I would not be married to my wonderful non jw husband had I listened to some people. I wasn't about to let him go after throwing away almost 10 yrs of my life with a so called witness with a ton of issues. I knew that in order to be happy and to have the things I wanted in life, which included having kids, I would need to follow my heart and leave religion out of it.

I agree taking a step back from it all is a good idea, and to get busy doing other things and meeting new people. I wish you all the best

breakfast of champions

Thanks for sharing your story, sad as it is.

What immediately came to mind when you said "This wasn't my best friend. . . . this wasn't the man. . . ." is that you came face-to-face with his reacitvated cult personality which is a real and separate personality from the person you fell in love with.

Read Hassan's Combatting Cult Mind Control for a better understanding of what happened, and go from there.

Best of luck,

BOC

kneehighmiah

Sorry tiff, this guy is a fraud. I'll PM you because I have a similar story. were you the first girl he slept with? If so, it's definitely over. He won't confess to the elders either. For him it's all about appearances. His world will crumble if he acknowledges you as his girlfriend. It took me a long time and many failed girlfriends to realize how messed up many JWs are in relationships. Of course there are even more messed up people from all walks of life, but JWs have unique issues. They will choose the cult over you. The cult makes their life easy, especially if they still believe it. your ex is still a believer. He just wants to have sex, grow a beard, party and not go to meetings. Ask him to read crisis of conscience. If he declines because he believes it's apostate material, then he is still a believer and a huge phony.

JWdaughter

I have been in relationships that had too many parties to them before. Your ex needed to decide and he still hasn't-and you are the one who has been paying the price.

You are well rid of him, as sad as that seems to you now. Because of the romantic and emotional complications and agony, you need to go cold turkey and cut it off. NO, you cannot be friends. You can't invite him to your wedding someday, you can't call him if you are in jail or a car accident. This is not to be cruel to either of you, but to protect you from his emotionally jacking you around. Which is what he has been doing. Its not perfect and you need to understand that it never was. He has a double life and you were his dirty little secret. Been there, done that. Don't demean yourself in that way now that you found him out.

If HE goes to jail and calls you, it would be mean to leave him hanging, so of course, you would call his nearest spiritual leader to offer him the support he needs in a crisis.

KateWild

I am sorry to hear what this JW did to you over years and years. He lied to you and gained your trust, but he was never going to commit to you. I am so sorry you have been hurt and used by this monster who lied to you about who he was. He will be isolated and lonely as he is a hypocrite. But you have us.

Take care and keep posting

Kate xx

cultBgone

Dear Tiff --

Truly sorry you have experienced such heart- and gut-wrenching emotional issues with this person. This may sound cruel, but be thankful you did NOT marry and have children in this environment. I made the mistake of marrying a jw who didn't allow all the rules control him until something didn't go the way he wanted, and BAM he turned full-cult-personality on me. I was stuck. My kids were stuck. We were all emotionally traumatized by having him control our world. It was awful and we are scarred, but better, and have moved on. But that pain will never be forgotten and my kids were changed forever.

I've read many posts here about men who have been inactive jws for years, even decades, who come to some crisis point in their lives and decide, Hey I'm Going To The Convention! And the cult persona comes back 110% and their families are fractured. All the promises and plans made with their spouses turn to dust and seem to mean nothing to them. That's the danger of ever, ever dating or marrying even an ex-cult member...if they have not 100% embraced TTATT, they are in danger of returning at any time in the future and the relationship is always at risk.

You sound like a thoughtful, kind and generous spirit. You deserve the same and sorry to say, it won't be with him unless he walks away from his family and religion. It doesn't sound like that's in the cards, though, and I wouldn't wait for it to happen. At this point, if he left them, it would always be YOUR fault and your marriage would always be under a dark grey cloud.

Please take time to heal your wounds and move on to the future you deserve. Please continue to visit us here as you will get nothing but honest support and friendship and love.

(((tiff)))

blondie

I didn't read all the comments but...better you find out now that the jw religion comes first, not after you have had a child. People here have told about marrying a disfellowshipped (shunned) jw, one who has not been going for years and suddenly gets the call. While other things will change the worst is that they will not allow your child to have a blood transfusion, would rather let them die.

Blondie

tiff21390

Thank you all for the new comments. I woke up feeling discouraged and these comments have truly helped. Dis-Member, I am 24 and he is 27. Kneehighmiah, I'm not the first girl he slept with. He was disfellowshiped as a teen for doing that which was probably the catalyst experience that started his fraudulent lifestyle. I do feel that he's in turmoil. It must be agonizing trying to deny your true self, but he just won't acknowledge that he doesn't align himself with the JW lifestyle.

Witness My Fury

Please at the very least make sure you dont get sucked into the cult yourself in a desperate measure to be with him. Run, run away.

jgnat

Four years is a big chunk. You deserve to have a good cry over the loss. Lots of good advice above.

Perfect Relationship, He Still Broke Up With Me

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