What my mother should have done.

by LovelyEunie 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jgnat

  Your mom was following the best advice the WTS offers. Sad. Sad she did not trust her own motherly instincts.
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  UFCFan

  I sort of feel the same as you. Unlike you I'm not old enough to live on my own yet so I haven't escaped the borg but I'm always depressed or upset and part of it is from not having real friends. Theres the other teenagers at the kingdom hall but it's not like I can tell them anything about how I really feel because they're all brainwashed and they'll tell the elders if I tell them something questionable. There's a girl I like that goes to my hall but I know I'll never be able to be with her because by the time I'm old enough to date by the watchtower's standards, I'll have moved away.

  The worst thing is I can't even fake everything well enough to fit in with the other teens at the hall. I'm always the outcast and if I talk sometimes the so called 'friends' will straight ignore me, even the ones that say they're my best friends. And if everyone is standing in a circle and talking they seem to think it's ok to literally push me out the way and take my spot.

  So yeah, this sounds like a rant, but just wanted to tell you you're not alone.
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  rebel8

  It was prohibited to switch halls for personality conflicts.

  Besides, doing so would have deprived her of what sounds like the main thing she gets from being a dub--a gossipy, judgy, petty social network. It sounds like that meets some emotional need of hers.
  
  Parents were brainwashed repeatedly to regard children as animals who just need a good beating and deprivation of fun to learn that life is unpleasant and Jah offers the only hope that the future will be less unpleasant.

  Children are basically one step above pigs in that religion. As a lower form of life, your emotional needs did not come first.

  I'm sorry but I don't like your mother very much.
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  LP97

  Your story resonates with me a lot. I am in my last year of school and although I have school friends, they find it strange that I do not really associate with them outside of school.

  Instead, my mother wants me to have "good association" like some fellow male JW teenagers from another congregation who I play football (soccer) with weekly and they use profanity amongst themselves and can be quite aggressive - it's OK though, their parents drag them along to meetings, so therefore they are automatically "good association" even though their moral standards are probably lower than some of my "worldly" school friends. The old line is constantly cranked out "they don't live under Bible standards", even though most of the so-called "good association" don't.

  The whole thing is just inane logic from the WTBTS because they want everything to be JW, JW, JW. Keep the JW kids in their own circle, it doesn't matter if they don't like each other or don't want to be friends, we can't risk them getting some "worldly" friends and being influenced by them. Another cult-like feature from the organisation.
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  CaptainSchmideo

  In recent years, I have felt a lot of resentment to my parents for sentencing me to the situation I find myself in today-Trapped in a religion that I no longer believe in, with family members that would be distressed if I was honest and left it.
  
  Yes, I suffered the humiliation of being a JW kid that was not with the "in" crowd at the Hall, but wasn't allowed close friendships outside the hall. Gave up opportunities to better my future because Armageddon was so close.

  In the end, what for? My parents are divorced, neither one goes to meetings anymore (even though my Mom believes it's "The Truth"). Mom in particular is so full of spite and anger toward all the so-called friends from the hall, that bring any one of them up by name, and she can recite chapter and verse all the wrongs they ever did to her, or the slights she got from them. This is what 50 years as a Witness results in, apparently.
  
  I decided the cycle stopped with me.

  My kids were allowed to be "normal". They played in the school band, even during Holidays and Patriotic Events (oh MY!). I have insisted that both of them go to and complete at least at Bachelor Degree in College. We keep it low-key, but we celebrate their birthdays with dinner and a gift. Life is tough enough without hobbling down with weights and bullshit that are meaningless.
  I live vicariously through my kids now. But I fell like those characters in stories that get to live to see their kids cross over into better lives, the lives that they themselves were denied.
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  Apognophos

  I was raised in a pretty lenient manner because it was felt that raising kids strictly made them more likely to run away from the truth as soon as they got old enough. I have to say, it may have worked. I only learned TTATT in my 30s. If I had felt more restricted before then, I probably would have started thinking for myself sooner. But for me being raised as a JW was not a bad experience. I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything, so I didn't bother thinking about what the world offered or whether I wanted to actually do something with my life, until I started to feel like I was aging for the first time.