Divorcing my husband of 13 years... (page 3)

jgnat

Get solid information on the bank accounts and split the joint accounts ASAP.Make sure he can't freeze you out of the money or squander your joint assets on a spending spree.

My best friend adopted and fostered many special needs children and her husband kept up with it all; a real team. Your instincts are right about your ex.

My friend was a teacher's aide for many years. She specialized in autism and later deaf children. I think your talents are pretty obvious and be assured a career can be made of it. My step sisters both trained to foster high needs children. Their homes are lively for sure! And they are good at it.

Please, please get an education on your finances first. That will save you a world of pain later. Go to the bank directly if you need to.

KateWild

Divorce is rarely amicable. Brace yourself for a fight. I have been through the mill with custody and contact issues that are still unresolved after four years.

Get all your ducks in a row. Know what you need and prepare for it well and be methodical not emotional.

Here is wishing you a swift and clean break.

Kate xx

Gustv Cintrn

Ohhh dear.......

"Born ins", huh? But, definitely not practicing what taught as "he's an alcoholic". Hmmm......

"Three of our kids are adopted, special needs", huh? Hmmm....... Ever gave any thought about the consequences of complicating you life/adding this kind of stress to your life/marriage?

Ohhh, the difficult situations/problems we create for ourselves......

Well, you've come to the right place to vent and blame; this board will surely help you put the blame wrongly on the Org and its people.

GC

LisaRose

I thought you were not going to be posting anymore Gustv. Too bad you don't let your yes mean yes and your no mean no as the bible says.

definitely not practicing what taught

And if you are a Jehovah's Witness in good standing, you aren't supposed to be here with us evil apostates. Pot, meet kettle.

This woman is taking care of children other people didn't want, obviously when she took that on her situation was different. She isn't asking for anything other than ideas on how to support herself and her children. I have an idea, why don't you drop the JW judgemental attitude and try a little Christian kindness? Obviously they don't teach that down at the Kingdom Hall, so you wouldn't know anything about it, but you might find you like being nice for a change.

Gustv Cintrn

LisaRose,

You all are not 'evil apostates'; just disobedient runaways that make their existance an otter mess and then come here to unjustly vent and blame the very people that would've saved you a whole lot of problems should you have followed their biblical counsel.

Then, of course, I must admit that among this group there are a few that were truly victims of predators. Well, the predator kind exists in every group, even in many families regardless of their religious affiliation. It's a humanity problem, really.

The truth often hurts, this is way we tend to avoid it even if it's for our own good.

GC

rebel8

I am sorry to hear you're going through this. I have no idea about being a parent, but I've reinvented myself from nothing a few times too. It feels awful and terrifying. I guess one good thing is you know it's possible, having done it before. I hope you'll continue to post here for support.

One thing I do know about is addiction. Here is a resource that may be of use to you as you go forward. It can be important to get help for yourself, even if there is no goal to reconcile.

It's interesting, isn't it, that fundie xian groups tend to push marriage so young. That tends to just subjugate the woman--she hasn't built a career or sense of self as an adult, so she tends to not leave bad relationships. Getting married when you're so young and brainwashed seems to skip over several of te steps needed to make a relationship successful (not always, of course).

LisaRose

You all are not 'evil apostates'; just disobedient runaways that make their existance an otter mess and then come here to unjustly vent and blame the very people that would've saved you a whole lot of problems should you have followed their biblical counsel.

Assume much? I am not a disobedient runaway, I simply chose to not to be a Jehovah's Witness, I didn't run from anything but lies and deceit. You can't deny that you are disobeying the instructions of this organization you think is so wonderful, so what does that say about you? They say not to mix with those who have left, yet here you are. If they truly are God's organization, then you are disobeying Jehovah by being here, you cannot deny that. Do you think you know better than the "faithful and discrete slave"? Do you wonder why they are so afraid of people going to so called apostate web sites? After all, truth should stand up to scrutiny, right?

Yes, many were hurt by the lies of the Watchtower, and yes, some come here to vent, so what? We all made life changing decision based on the lies and manipulations of the Watchtower. I was told that I would never have time for a career in this system of things. I will be sixty in November, so my decision to skip college was a bad one, based on the wrong predictions of people who claimed to have special direction from God. It is hard for some to realize how many years they wasted. They vent, they get it out, and the vast majority move on with their (new and better) lives. A few of us die hards stick around, not because we are still hurting, but because we want to help those who have just left or who are thinking of leaving. I was nee of the lucky ones, I did waste thirty years to this organization, but my life since then has been pretty great. Others have not been so fortunate. When you come here with you assumptions about us you make me laugh, you obviously don't know anything about us, and you sure don't know anything about the organization you think is so great.

PaintedToeNail

As much as I hate to admit it, Gustv has a point. Adopting 3 kids with special needs is exhausting in and of itself, much less while having a spouse who is an alcoholic. Didn't the authorities do a background check to see if it would be a good idea to give one family so many disabled kiddies? What about your natural born child are they being relegated to the sidelines because the squeeky wheels are getting all the time and attention? Maybe you could return a child or two to the state admitting it is too much for you now circumstances have changed to the worse. Sounds horrid but...You can't do everything yourself, something will have to be sacrificed, it always does.

FlyingHighNow

Are you sure you want to do this? Unless there is severe neglect, drug or severe alcohol abuse or physical or abuse, think very twice about doing this while you have kids in the home.

My ex and I separated when my son was 16. It proved disasterous for him. This is an understatement.

What would I do differently? Go back in time to my stay at home mom status. I'd go to school while the kids were at school. Once they were both over 18, I'd have gone to work and saved, saved, saved money.

FlyingHighNow

Unless he is falling down, stinking drunk, driving drunk with the kids in the car, beating on you guys and yelling at you when he is drunk, depriving you of food, necessities and medical care, it might be better to live in the same home, but have an understanding. I am still hollow inside from my dad leaving our home when I was 9. Our family was disentigrated by my parent's divorce. Having Dad around would have kept my mother happier and we would not have felt abandoned and unimportant to him. We kids are still hurting and we are all over 50. My oldest brother dropped out of his senior year in high school with straight A's after my parent's divorce. He backpacked and hitchhiked all over the USA and he died at 22, feeling very lost and wandering.

There are situations where divorce is necessary though: sexual abuse being one reason.

Divorcing my husband of 13 years...

Share this