How Cancer Gave Me My Life Back

by patio34 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  waiting

  Yo Pat!

  Thanks TR! I'm glad as hell

  i'm here too! - Aunt PattyHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa...........I'm sending this by email pronto to ALL 3 of my kids!!!!!!! They'll NEVER believe Aunt Patty cussed!

  I'm so impressed you're down on my level now. It took me a long time, but it was worth it

  Actually, I remember the long conversations we had - I hadn't left before you had your operation or immediately after. I distinctly remember you wanting so badly to go to the meetings, your depression, and lonliness.

  Do you remember that you asked the elders - repeatedly - about a phone hookup.....and they refused you?

  Do you remember that it was primarily worldly people who picked you up for chemo treatments, gave you such encouragement? You felt so guilty because they actually treated you more tender than the vast majority of jw's you'd known for 2 decades.

  So not to be black/white - some jw's did come visit you, rarely - if memory serves me. But by far, you were left alone by your spiritual family - as you always have been.

  ((((((((((((((((((((sweet sister))))))))))))))))))))))

  waiting
• 

  waiting

  Hey Andi,

  This is one of the beauties of a forum - we get to know each other. I've read about your lovely daughter before, and the materials things you gave up in your "defining moment."

  Your family has succeeded with a shining brilliance - congratulations.

  You and Patty are a lesson to us all - thank you, sweetie.

  waiting
• 

  patio34

  Hey Waiting!

  I had forgotten all about the so-called "worldly" people being so kind and helpful. They sent me cards from work and came and visited, taking me to lunch. When the J-dubs stopped by, they were often out in service while they were "counting time." Such love! Only one woman actually helped a lot, but once the need was over, I wasn't her friend anymore. Thanks for the reminder about the "love" one is underwhelmed with at the kingdum hall!

  To be fair, they did help for the 1st couple of weeks, but it was a fulfillment of their "Christian duty" I think, not because they actually cared about me. Whereas the "worldly" people did it because they cared, and didn't have a hidden agenda. They even wanted to help more, but I said no because the "church" was doing it.

  Our conversations, Waiting, several times a week meant so much to me. I could really talk to you!

  Thanks for refreshing my memory.

  Steven Hassan says in his book (Combatting Cult Mind Control) on pge 81 & 82:

  Real friendships are a liability and are covertly discourged by leaders. A cult member's emotional allegiance should be vertical (up to the leader), not horizontal (toward peers). Friends are dangerous, in part because if one member leaves, he may take others with him. Of course, when anyone does leave the group, the 'love' formerly directed to him turns into anger, hatred, and ridicule.

  Relationships are usually superficial within these groups (cults) because sharing deep personal feelings, especially negative ones, is highly discouraged. This feature of cult life prevails even tho a member may feel he is closer to his comrades than he has ever been to anyone before...(because of shared hardships and "persecution")But because the only real allegiance is to the leader, a closer look shows that such ties are actually shallow and sometimes just private fantasy."

  That's what I experienced.

  Oh, and the stupid telephone lines! You could never get a hook-up, so i GAVE UP.

  If you're not new, what do they care anymore?
• 

  somebody

  patio,

  (((((((patio34)))))) is all I can do right now to try and tell you how I feel reading your post/true thoughts.

  You are a wonderful person and it's amazing to me how such a terrible happening to you turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

  I love waiting and would be so fortunate if I had a sister like her, so I can relate to that part only. I can't imagine going through what you have and continue to go through. I can only try to.

  peace,
  somebody

  "Air baths are good for preventing colds.. What you do is strip naked mornings and evenings and then bob up and down for a while."~ Golden Age Feb 10 1926 31

  Group air bath,anyone?
• 

  deddaisy

  I lost my mom to cancer and the day that she was diagnosed was like my life up to that point suddenly seemed frivolous....
  I cannot imagine the feeling of being told that I, or my child, had cancer.....

  Patio, your outlook is an inspiration...
  
  and Andee, I hope that your daughter remains as beautiful as you....
• 

  Marilyn

  Pat, My mother has cancer, and these days she's become a little sensitive about me criticising the Troof. I tend to feel guilty for this incurable habit of mine, especially now, because I feel it's every one's right to use a crutch when they are afraid of the unknown. Not everyone can face cancer and grow from the experience and that's fine. It's interesting that Waiting didn't feel YOU needed the crutch, after the diagnosis. She judged you well. I can't honestly say how I would cope in this situation - but I expect I'd just have to get on with it, because I've come too far on the road of enlightenment. I'm stuck with reality I'm afraid.

  I have a sister who is a witness. I feel we could have been very close just like you and Waiting. But she is lost in the Tower and we are very awkward stangers. So you got cancer and gained your sister. Not a bad trade off eh?

  Marilyn
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  patio34

  thanks, Somebody for the hugs. That was very kind of you.

  Deddaisy, I'm so sorry about your Mom. Thanks for posting to my tread.

  Marilyn, I'm so sorry about your Mom too. In all fairness, it didn't come to me to leave for quite a while and i was dependent on the beliefs at that time, i guess. I wouldn't have had the energy to investigate then. But since it knocked me away from meetings, the stranglehold it had on me lessened, opening the way to leave.
  You said:

  but I expect I'd just have to get on with it, because I've come too far on the road of enlightenment. I'm stuck with reality I'm afraid.

  It seems to me that to be based in reality rather than myth with its attendant doubts creeping up and making you feel guilty, that it would be better to face the possibility of demise in a realistic way.

  Does anyone who is religious really believe with no doubts? It's my guess there is no one, else why would faith be such an important issue.

  You also said:

  So you got cancer and gained your sister. Not a bad trade off eh?

  WOW! Thanks for bringing that to my attention!!