The Resurrection Hope - Does It Help or Slow Down Grieving?

by usualusername 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  usualusername

  I think the resurrection hope really really messes up people.
  
  At some funerals I have not seen a tear shed.
  
  Could grieving be interpreted as a lack of faith?

  UUN
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  Sail Away

  For me the resurrection hope kept me from greiving in a healthy way. I didn't realize that I hadn't greived the loss of my 22-year-old DIL to cancer until spring of the year following my exit from the organization. G celebrated spring with the arrival of the street sweepers each year. She also died in the spring. It all hit me so hard that first year out. My therapist had me write a letter to her to say all the things I didn't get to say. This year I planted a flowering tree in G's memory and buried the letter with the roots of the tree. It gets a little easier, and the fond memories surface more often than the sad ones now.

  It is now six years after her early death, and I just spent the day with her sorta JW mom. G's mom has been phyically out for at least 10 years now, but she is still fully indoctrinated and guilt ridden. On one hand, I would not want to rob her of the hope that her daughter will one day live again, but on the other hand, the mom doesn't believe she is worthy of living in the "new system" herself. G's dad just died young (54), only 6 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The woman is thoroughly messed up.
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  Terry

  _________________________________

  Jehovah's Witnesses tend to not cry openly at funerals. (At least the ones I attended.)

  They are in denial. They have smothered the meaning of their loss of family and friends in superstition.

  Instead of a eulogy in praise of the life the one who died, the funeral is callously twisted into a recruitment sermon for membership purposes, and aimed at non-JW's in attendance.

  Disgusting, if you ask me.

  We all know the difference between peeling off a Band-aid slowly and doing it quickly.

  Grief can be like that.

  Using superstition and false promises to wean a person from genuine grief onto delusional counterfeit hopes is unnatural, cruel, and sick.

  ________________________

  What makes life so precious is how fleeting it is.

  How can anybody face reality if they are not allowed to measure it properly?

  A person whom you love will only be with you a short time. Really knowing and accepting that greatly magnifies the importance of love.

  Don't you think?

  Laughing in the face of death isn't bravery nor is it the signal of a superior religious belief. It is an obvious manifestation of a corrupt

  mindset twisted into denial and wishful thinking.

  What IS simply is.

  What is NOT, is hardly a gift to bestow on somebody hurting.

  Sharing grief with one who is grieving is to weep with them. It is to hold them and reassure them how honoring the memory of a lost loved one

  is best gift we can offer. Living a good life is truly a remarkble gift to bestow on those who love us because it was our choice of how to

  spend our time.

  If time went on forever in a Paradise or Heaven, hardly anything takes on much meaning since it is drowned out by sheer vastness of forever.

  _____________________

  If our prize bull wanders out onto the highway and is hit by a truck, we don't just lose the bull.

  No, we lose all the time we invested in caring for it. We lose all the cost of food we fed it. We lose

  every future calf it would have produced. We lose the stud fees.

  That is the nature of the loss of a prized animal.

  ___________________________________

  We don't tend to consider the loss of a human loved one in the same terms. No, we don't.

  In fact, we are hit so hard by our overwhelming loss, we become irrational in our grief.

  Our emotions are involuntary physical reminders of what we hold to be valuable, true and dear.

  ________________________________

  Rationally, we want to honor the time, care and love we shared before beginning to untether emotionally.

  Irrationally, we refuse to accept the reality of death and an artifact of emotion (SUPERSTITION) kicks in.

  Superstition is the improper use of imagination to avoid the harsh facts of reality.
• 

  Ucantnome

  ive never felt the need to cry at funerals even when it was a close relative.

  i would have been sadder when i was a witness but i changed.

  The two funerals that i have made the arrangements for didn't have any religious talks.
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  fiddler

  I was only 2 years out when my husband died so my experience of grieving was a mixed bag. I had taken on a sort of 'reincarnation' view at the time but also admitted to just not knowing. We had a remembrance evening for him where 1/2 the people that came were Jdub (my kids were still in) and the other half were his non Jdub family and friends from work. I let the witnesses have a little Bible talk in the theater (it was held in the community room of my apartment complex) and my MIL brought memorabilia from his childhood like his Eagle Scout awards and pictures that were set up on tables. I did what he and I had already discussed...I played music with some of my musician friends. We did everything from old time gospel (MIL appreciated that) to Christmas even. It was late November and there was a beautiful Christmas tree there. I'm quite sure it just shocked the Jdubs who were there but I didn't care at the time. Don't know if I'd do it different now...

  I do know that the so called resurrection 'hope' was no hope to me. My husband certainly would not have wanted to be resurected to a world filled with the people who treated him like a failure in life.
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  kaik

  JWs are uncapable to greif and show emotions. They do not experience and sense of loss and they can care less. When my evil JW aunt died, my cousins behaved as they had concipation. No emotion, no sadness, nothing. They just stated that the mom died, but nothing to worry she will be resurrected shortly because "A" is just behind the corner. This was 14-15 years ago. 20 years ago elder with his children crashed on his way to the district assembly that was held in Ostrava, this was in winter were there was snow and ice. The assembly was about one mile from the site of the crash and no single JW stopped by because they did not want to be late. Some of the JW vividly discribed me how they seen from their car the crash happen, car flipping in the midair, they knew who was driving, yet they only cared to be on the opening of the assembly. No emotion. The elder had died, he was actually very nice guy, but from the JWs who talked about it there was no any feeling of sadness.
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  designs

  Good topic. Paul said Christians don't grieve like the pagans. Paul was screwed up.
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  AlwaysBusy

  I cried like a baby whenever a relative, or friend died, in or out. When my mom died, Witnesses said, 'you'll see her again'. Didn't help, I think I cried on and off for a year...and I still feel badly. I'd like to see her now. My step-daughter died this week, I cried and I never met her. I saw pics of her though. She was beautiful, but not when she died, she had cancer, it ate her up right to the bone, I saw pics of her at the end. I cry when my pets die. The older I get, the more people die...and it's kind of hard to lose them because there isn't anyone to fill in the gaps so one has to learn to live without those we lose.

  There was a talk today, I've never heard one like this in the 60 years I've been going to meetings. The speaker was talking about the resurrection. He said, to the audience, not the resurrection of our loved ones, but 'your' resurrection. He said he had thought he would survive into the new system, but is starting to realize, because he is getting old, that he will probably die before it gets here. So the gist of the talk was to have faith in the resurrection promise because we may end up dying in this system. He said to keep in the forefront of your mind, the resurrection hope, for ourselves. It was just kind of creepy.

  Anyway, take care.
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  smiddy

  A statement that was made to a couple of us by an elder about the loss of jobs children ," because he proved faithfull , in the resurrection he will have twice as many children ."

  Never mind about the kids who lost their lives then , he was given more children to compensate their loss ? And then in the new system he would rejoice to have a united family back again ?

  How can you argue with logic like that .

  smiddy
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  3rdgen

  How much is JW indoctrination and how much is shock? I still don't know 10 years after my firstborn, my only son died. It was so sudden-! one day he was so full of life so wonderful- the next day I'm told there was an accident and he's dead. Bam!! How do you process that? I didn't shed one tear at the informercial/memorial for him. It must have looked to teachers and fellow students and "worldly" friends like I was completely cold. Trust me, I was in shock. The resurection hope is meaningless when you are in grief NOW.