That's hilarious Outlaw... yup pretty much.
Thanks for all the comments and good vibes everyone. Too bad we can't all talk in person. But yeah, I feel a hard fade coming. I spent a month biking and tenting around a country to get some clarity...I've been back for a month and I'm already feeling fuzzy. I might travel somewhere again on my own if it's viable ($tudent loan$ ).
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"Maybe after a bit of time goes by, I will try harder to forget those people, my long ago friends. No one lives close by to me. I don't see them. They are just etched in my heart."
LoisLane that's devastating. Of course, the hope is that as time goes on, these ones will slowly realize reality and wake up to the choices they've made and the people they've hurt ...what a waste all those years of pettiness were. If only they realized how damaging their actions are. That's the hope.
My sister and I remain close and have talked about allot of things recently I never thought possible. Keep in mind she was one of those semi-judgemental pioneers a mere few months ago who would've happily shunned me. Just goes to show you never know who's gonna wake up. It frustrates me the way people look down at her now.
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To answer your questions: As for the person who turned me in... She’s very intelligent and thinks about things more deeply than most people, but has a tendency to make rash decisions or act with indecisiveness. Though I somewhat suffer the same indecisiveness in my own day-to-day life. We weren't really set up for independent thinking, which is seen as evil. She's felt bad and has tried to involve herself with the elder’s meddlings. I know she's struggled with doubts before, but I don't think she could ever be decisive enough to seriously analyze things. She puts allot of stock into the organization. Like most JWs believe (including myself, even now sort of) there’s nothing outside of the organization, so even if it’s not the truth, there’s still no better way of life. She’s an amazing person with so much potential but I think she's trapped for good and would feel lost without the org. I do at least see it as a very effective outlet for her goodness. My fear is that she won't get back all that she gives.
So that being said, as much as it hurts, I know her motives are "good" in the sense that she wants to help me, and to her the only way I can be helped is by way of the elders. Because of course, unless I shun my sister and uphold every irrational JW belief about history, the world and the universe, I'm considered spiritually sick, perhaps threatening. Her wanting to "limit association" sucks considering how close we are and I know she regrets it to some extent... to be honest I don't know where she's at with that right now. Like I said I don't think she really knows what to do, but will do whatever the org or fellow JW’s tell her is right. The cognitive dissonance must be working overtime. We haven’t talked in a couple weeks. This whole situation kind of reinforces my belief I hold towards everyone I’m close to that they mean more to me then I do to them. I’ve sort of given up socially the past couple weeks with all my friends. I do know she loves me very much though and she’s having a tough time. It just angers me that there’s no logical reason for her to feel that way or to feel like she’s going through something.
I know I'm probably making everything harder for myself than it has to be which is why I started this thread wondering what the point is. I guess I just need to feel that the stove is hot instead of taking everyone's word not to hold my hand to it.
