Has growing up as a JW affected my ability to forgive ?

by troubled mind 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Finkelstein

  Forgiveness comes into realization after expressed sorrow is offered by the person who infected injury toward the other person from their behavior.

  But I think family is not just family because you share DNA ,I think family has to remain deserving of respect

  I would have to agree with that Troubled Mind

  People are imperfect but there comes a time when that person never acknowledges the pain and anguish to others they inflect with their behavior,

  out that the appropriate resolvoe would be just to leave them alone.

  .

  There have been devout Christains (JWS) who behave responsibly toward others based on their self identifying belief that they are

  inherently sinners and that Jesus is their personal Redeemer.

  That singular imposing relationship with god creates a formulated character that sees some individuals

  behave continuously disrespectful and irresponsible, only to perceive themselves redeemed when they attend a church or

  Kingdom Hall as it may be.
• 

  OneEyedJoe

  BTW: Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you have to then welcome them with open arms. In the examples in the OP I think it would be quite reasonable for someone not to be angry and to forgive someone but still not want to have anything to do with them.

  This is a good point. There are lots of different things that people might mean when they talk about forgiveness. In my case I'm quick to forgive in the sense that I don't harbor resentment, but I'm also very slow about giving someone additional oppurtunities to require my forgiveness. I guess it's more the restoration of trust that takes a very long time (if it happens at all) for me.

  The phrase "forgive and forget" always seemed too simplistic to me. Sure, I'll "forget" someone's past trasngressions in the sense that I won't throw it in their face the next time I'm wronged, but I won't forget in the sense that I will recognize when there's a pattern and decide that it's no longer worth dealing with them.
• 

  WingCommander

  My parents raised me to be independant and self-sufficient, expecting that someday they might (and now are) DEAD, and that I'd have to make it on my own. Being raised a JW is almost contradictory to that, because you are perpetually taught to be a doormat, day-in, day-out for the "Mother Org."

  I can't take crap off of anyone, period. I just don't have it in me. Toxic people who think they are going to dump on me and still be welcome in my life have had another thing coming.

  I'd also like to take the time to make this statement: DNA / Family Ties do not give manipulativer abusers and USERS the right to treat you as a perpetual doormat, PERIOD. This bullcrap of having to forgive chronic users and narcasassits, only to have them turn around and continue on with their incredible behaviour is for the birds! When I "turn the other cheek", you can be sure my white azz is going to be showing for you to kiss it goodbye.

  I am 35. If there's one thing I've learned from growing up in the JW religion, and then having to deal with back-stabbing, holier-than-thou zealot in-laws, is that I now reciprocate what I recieve. Want to crap on me, my family? GET BENT, and don't come back! If you're lucky and can run faster than me, I might not catch you in time to kick the living sh*t out of you. I have absolutely HAD IT with abusive self-centered types who put on some fake front like they're better than everyone else and their behinds don't stink, only to turn around dump on me. I've removed my in-laws from my (and my families) life for these exact reasons. My last communication with them was, "Enjoy the reaping of what you've sewn," and also that they'd better not ever come onto my property again unless they are prepared for the ass-whooping of the century.

  Jesus can forgive them. Myself, they can kiss my azz.

  - Wing Commander
• 

  silent

  Growing up as a JW has negatively affected my ability to live and think productively.

  -silent
• 

  OUTLAW

  .

  There are different types of forgiveness..

  1) Honest Mistake: Let it go,move on..

  2) Premeditated/Planned Offence: Don`t give the person another chance to offend,keep them out of your life..

  3) Premeditated/Planned Absolute Screw Over: Don`t beat them to death with a lead pipe..

  .............................................................................Give them a chance to leave the country..

  .

  .....................................OUTLAW
• 

  troubled mind

  Thank you for the replies ! They really help . I don't think I am to far off base then when I expect someone to show they have really changed ,or expect them to apologize honestly for their transgression before forgiving them.

  This is how I have been thinking about forgiveness ......Forgivenss is a gift ....it should not be expected ,or demanded .Only the one giving it can decide if they are willing, and able to do so . No one should try to force or manipulate someone in doing so either.

  In our family right now my estranged Father in law is dying . Some family members can not understand why my husband has not dropped everything ,and run 1000 miles away to be by his Dad's side . When I tried to explain that he does not have a close relationship with him ,and gave a short history of why ,I was slammed as a liar .My words were turned against me ,and they blamed the JW religion we had been in as the problem . When I emphasised it was not the religion ,but the violence issues ,I was told to forget ,and forgive the past . The Father in law is a stranger to our children ,yet family expects them to call him and show their respects......but they don't even know him ! How can they respect him with any amount of honesty .

  It really will not take much for me to just walk away from this craziness . That is what bothers me ....do I give up on people to easily ? Are all families this nuts ? When a family member berates you ,calls you names ,says that your lying ....are you just expected to forget it, and go on as though nothing has happened because they are related to you ?? Don't think I can do that . I am not prone to retaliate back in an unkind way ,but the person doesn't get another chance either .
• 

  troubled mind

  Outlaw
• 

  Billyblobber

  Being a JW has actually made me MORE forgiving, oddly enough. One of the few good things the religion did for me.

  Constantly reading scriptures about how forgiving Jesus was, or how David was forgiven even after murdering someone for his wife, etc. (and ignoring scriptures that made God out to be a vengeful, non forgiving dick) instilled in me to forgive anything anyone ever does to me as long as they don't continue the action. I literally do "forgive and forget," and it's selective Bible quoting that brought me up that way.
• 

  DaleRivers

  I think forgiveness is entirely a conscience matter, if you'll excuse the expression. Only the one who has been wronged can decide when or even if forgiveness should be offered.
• 

  skeeter1

  Well said, Simon.