How to make the most of wife not going to service meeting?

by FadeToBlack 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  FadeToBlack

  Out of the blue, my wife told me that after this week's service meeting on Friday (Co visit) she is not going to anymore meetings during the week at night. Only Sunday (AM) meetings. She explained that it is difficult and not safe for her to drive after dark (vision issues: I have the same problem so I couldn't help her if I wanted to). Of course, I agreed that would be the prudent thing to do.

  I think the more meetings she misses, she will start to realize they are not really that useful anyway. My question is: how should I take advantage of this windfall before it gets light again? Buy some wine and rent her favorite movies to make Friday 'our night'? Obviously, we can't go anywhere because we can't drive.

  Suggestions are welcome.
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  LostGeneration

  I'd say just make it something she enjoys and won't want to give up to go back to the meetings. Make sure she isn't bored and she will never regret her decision.
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  quellycatface

  Great news indeed.

  You could make it your "date" night and each pick an activity each week. Join a dance class or a supper club. An open house for friends/neighbours to drop in for a drink and a chat.

  Good luck and best wishes to you both.
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  3rdgen

  Fade, you have come up with the PERFECT idea. Don't screw it up with ANY discussion of religion or any other topic that may be an issue between you. Keep it date night and then after a few wonderful weeks suggest something equally enjoyable that you two could do on Sunday. Make it something she would find hard to refuse-then do it. Again, no JW talk whatsoever. She needs to associate only pleasantness with you when she misses meetings. Good luck!
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  OneEyedJoe

  I guess try doing anything that she enjoys. If she's anything like my wife, I'd recomend something more active and involved than a movie, at least at first. My wife feels imense guilt anytime we so much as miss a saturday out in serve-us, so something like a movie that only requires passive involvement might allow her enough time to reflect on how guilty she feels about missing the meeting. Also, if she's a very social person, make sure she has social interaction (preferably with non JWs) so that she won't miss gabbing before/after the meetings.

  If you can keep the guilt at bay and satisfy any needs the meeting might be filling for long enough, when she eventually reflects on all the missed meetings and "we miss you" comments from people, she'll have to wrestle with the fact that she's been much happier in the time away. If she gets guilty feelings right away, though, it won't have been long enough to break the indoctrination on how essential the meetings are.

  Sounds like you're on the right track. Good luck!
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  DesirousOfChange

  Quelly, they can't drive at night.

  .

  Fade, I like the bottle of wine with a movie idea.

  Rent a "chick flik" that she'd really enjoy.

  Google "most romantic movies" or "movies that make you feel good" and just download it.

  Doc
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  bigmac

  dont need to drive at night---take a taxi---go to a restaurant--dress up for it--make it a special night out. not every week--unless you can afford it.
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  sparky1

  If you choose to watch a movie, hold her feet on your lap and massage her feet during the entire movie.........................................................................
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  OneEyedJoe

  dont need to drive at night---take a taxi---go to a restaurant--dress up for it--make it a special night out. not every week--unless you can afford it

  That's dangerous since she'll think "if I can take a taxi to do something fun, I should be able to take a taxi to meetings." At least, I'd avoid taking a taxi anywhere on meeting nights for the first few months of the newfound freedom.
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  undercover

  Parden my ADD mind as I go through some scenerios here...

  If she has a good support system at the hall, expect others to offer to pick her up for mid week meetings. The elders might even enlist someone. Be on the on lookout for busybodies...

  I also wonder, not knowing anything about the situation... if this is just an excuse on her part to not have to go. She'll go to Sunday meetings for awhile, and find excuses to miss some of them even. Is something going on that has discouraged her?

  And on that thought, I wonder this... how many elderly ones are discouraged about the whole 'overlapping generation' thing. If they're a certain age, and they start to realize that they aren't going to live to see 'the end', would that prompt them to slow down?

  And as I keep sidebarring... who needs the Kingdom Hall anyway? When you've got 24 hour JW TV, you can get instant spiritual nourishment without even having to put your pants on. Forget putting on a suit and driving in the dark thru a bad part of town to a KH...

  Anyhooo... this is the perfect opportunity to use this new free time to get her interested in other things. Together you can enjoy TV shows, or maybe cooking together, hobbies, anything that keeps her occupied. Choose activities that you know interest her, and maybe never had time for before. After awhile, you may find she'll want to share her Sunday mornings with you doing her new favorite activity, instead of going to the hall.