by purrpurr 21 Replies latest jw friends
you dont say if your male or female. if your female its a lot easier. all you have to do is--turn up. anwer up. knock a few doors. clean the toilets.
but a man is expected to reach out--take the lead--fondle the microphone--all that stuff. so a man needs a more complex stratedgy than a woman.
if i were still in the cult---barf----i would make it so they would ask me to leave. then you can negotiate your terms.
Wear a burqa. 
If you want to maintain appearances, this is the best:
1 - Find a foreign language congo in your general area like Spanish
2 - tell elders in old hall and friends that you are going because you want to learn the language and the schedule is better for your job.
3 - Go to elder in new hall and tell them your are moving.
4 - While your records are being transfered, attend a few meetings, mosly weekends
5 - Once elders tell you that you are officially transfered, immediately start missing meetings more and more.
For the old congo, you are the brother who left for another hall. On the new congo, nobody really knows you anyway. It's helpful if the new congo is a foreign language congo, because your old hall won't even expect you to see you at conventions.
Your family may not be as harsh as you expect, as long as you take it slow, dont panic them and give them time to adjust then they may be quite accepting. I could have quit about a year sooner than I did had i not been so hung up on my familys reaction.
Hi,
Get yourself very occupied with school and work; say nothing regarding spiritual stuff to nobody! For meeting attendance, develop these blinding migraines or horrible backaches that you just cannot attend as regular as usual.
There are myriads of ways how to begin a fade, or just do as little as possible in order not to lose your family. Pay attention to find kindred spirits within the Org and just start hanging out with your type of JW.
The quite large crew I roll with we are a bunch of quite liberal/moderate JWs, and we keep it very comfortable among us. It is sad to see people suffering in what should be a good way to live one's short life.
GC
Between what Mary and sporece said, that's pretty much your options.
I faded, attending less and less meetings over a period of 9 months or so (many take a lot longer to fade) and turning in 1 hour field service times until I stopped turning them in at all and stopped attending meetings at all.
You lose many so-called friends- I lost them all. But I kept family from shunning. And sometimes that doesn't work.
Others just walk away now and do their best to keep family contacts but let the chips fall where they may. That's a good option for many.
The foreign language idea is brilliant!!!
"Moving" real or pretend works well- out of the DISTRICT. Tell everyone you are moving and will be out of town "looking for a new home/fixer where the economy is better".
Pretend move: Call and rent a "mail drop" from UPS at least an hour away $50. Buy a Trac phone from Walmart about $50 and activate it with the new area code to the address. Put a "For Sale by owner" sign up in the front yard ( and your car) with a very high price and your NEW AREA CODE number. Disable voicemail. Total investment about $100.
Use a GENERIC voice on your old phone and answering machine.
DO NOT ANSWER DOOR Sat 10-1 or PHONE, and screen all calls.
Within a week or two no one will be able to verify if you even GOT the messages they left on your door or phone...or if you are still living in town.
Elders give up quickly- you are not that important to them, and now they can tell the Circuit overseer you moved when he visits.
I agree with everything that has been said. One other option is to just choose several congregations in your general area and rotate meeting attendance between all of them. So that way if you are asked ' where were you last Sunday?' you can simply say that you 'had' to attend elsewhere. Then say the same thing at every meeting you attend. Since you are still attending meetings what can they say?? Then after while your original congregation Elders will stop 'expecting' you to be there. They will just assume you are attending at another congregation. And since you are still 'attending' meetings elsewhere what can they really say about it?? Then after a few months just gradually stop attending any meeting regularly. Skip more and more meetings and your fade will be a success. Maybe still attend a meeting every few months just to show you are still involved. That should keep your family off your back. Anyway, those are my suggestions. Good luck.
startrekangel, you find it hard to believe that you can fool them for too long?
check That: I am awake for nearly 4 years, Never comment at meetings (only a few readings once a while), turn in 3-4 hours a month FS time, wear a beard every now and then...believe me or not, but an Elder came to see me last tuesday at the end of service meeting and told me That i had a great spiritual maturity (???!! WTF???!!) and That i had all the qualities to be appointed ministerial servant very soon (!!!??? WTF again!!!???).
so you see, as long as you Never tell anything to anyone about what you really think, yes you Can fool them for a very long time...
