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Horseygirl12

Im so frustrated I could kill myself right now!! Im 15 and a couple weeks ago I confessed to my parents that I didn't want to be a Jehovahs Witness anymore and also that I was bisexual. I had just gotten back from an eating disorder clinic and my parents decided to put me back in school (i was homeschooling before). I've made a friend that lives down the street from me and she's a lesbian and her sister is bisexual and now they won't let me be friends with her anymore because apparently being gay is wrong and i'm letting them influence me. They think it's my choice to be this way!!! Now their making homeschool again and i'm so angry!! My parents just think i'm mentally ill and that's why i cut and am so deppressed all the time , and that if I would just obey them and be a JW I would be happy. I wanted to leave them but I have nowhere to go. I hate how i never feel good enough and can't ever be myself!! What should I do?!

chicken little

Write down your feelings, taking time to do so in a clear way not charged with emotion. Explain you love them but cannot continue to live a lie. While you live at home it will be very difficult for you but you can get support by asking child welfare to at least try to talk to your parents. Your doctor could also be involved in talking to your parents if you truly are self harming and contemplating suicide. Your sexuality is your own business, your parents will have to recognize that at some point, maybe not until you have left home. Try your best to get outside help, their are help lines for bi-sexuals, lesbians etc. Get help.

All the best

Chicken little

Raton

I have no idea what its like for JW children. I am sure someone on here can give better advice but I would say to hang in there for 3 more years and come to sites like this one to vent and find support.

humbled

They need to get educated about sexual identity issues.

If they think it is all a choice, they'll be on your back FOREVER! The first thing they have to accept is that this is rarely a choice. Next they need to ask themselves "Where does this come from?" Chances are they don't think Jah sent it. They won't concede that it was a natural event(doesn't happen on Jah's watch, Lol?)

I'd work hard on them letting you go to public school. Pull yourself together, don't dodge down the street to your friends who are non-witnes/lesbian/bisexual every moment you are free. Get out with a whole range of people. You'll find others of your own sort there. But get out into public school. It will be an easier battle to win --perhaps. Work with what you've got.

and good luck.

KateWild

Horseygirl,

You have a lot of issues here and this board is probably not the best place for you right now. Being a JW and being home schooled is not ideal, but you do have to live by your parents rules for now. The cutting is a sign of bigger mental issues, you need to talk to your doctor about the cutiing and not wanting to be a JW. Say you feel isolated being home schooled.

Being gay is fine, your parents need to accept this, if they don't you can tell your doctor.

Go to the doctor by yourself and explain all of this to them.

Please stop cutting yourself and don't do anything silly. You have made the first move by comming here, now go to the doctor.

Kate xx

OnTheWayOut

At 15, you have a bunch of stuff going on in your life and you think everything is so important to settle right now. You should have a long life ahead of you and a few more years under your parents' roof, so there are no easy short answers. Don't look for easy answers and miss out on a lifetime of experiences just ahead of you. Even if you are in love and sure it's not just a young love that would die off shortly, you have a lifetime ahead of you to enjoy love. Hold things together for a few years.

Because you cut and have an eating disorder and because your parents are concerned about mental illness, I hope this all means you have a counselor of some kind outside of the Jehovah's Witnesses. If not, try to insist on it.

Regardless of your relationship with a professional, vent to your therapist/counselor the best you can and find a way to be yourself in sessions and plan to be yourself more when you are an adult. I don't suggest you be fake now, but prepare to suffer for who you are and maybe keep some of who you are confidential- just to avoid aggrevation. In other words, don't pretend to love JW's or want to find a man, but you don't necessarily have to say JW's are the Devil's spawn and be vulgar and verbal about your sexuality. If it helps, roll your eyes and say "Yeah, right" with an attitude toward comments from your folks about heterosexual Christian life and the like.

conflicted89

I understand the difficulties you are facing. I am lesbian and also had a self-harm problem at 15 for a few years.

I don't know if you are from the UK, but if so please consider phoning or texting the samaritans with anything you are struggling with but especially if you are feeling suicidal or feeling the urge to cut. If you are outside the UK, RAINN have a website and online chat to "support workers". These people will listen and try to point in you the direction of real life people who can support you.

Since you were in a clinic I assume you have a doctor aware of your situation. Go to him/her and explain the troubles and ask for a counsellor or other support service. They can help you work through problems like self harm, family and religious differences. Where I live it was possible for me at 15 to keep my counselling sessions private from my parents, you might want to check it's possible for you to do that too so you can talk safely without fear your parents will find out.

The most important thing right now is to keep you safe and get you the support you need.

Balaamsass2

PLEASE tell your doctor your true feelings. At 15 your entire life is in front of you...DO NOT put a label on yourself or box yourself in....or let others put a label on you or put your in a box. You are not yet "Cooked"...and you may never be. Reach out to others and open your mind to the infinate possibilities of your future life. LEARN. READ. GROW.

Gustv Cintrn

15? Please, you don't even know who you are or what you really want/need at this point.

For now cOncentrate in school, and allow yourself to finish your body/mind development. When crazy hormones stop raging, then figure out what path to take in life.

Teenagers are so melodramatic! This is why is not a good idea letting them get baptized.

GC

steve2

Horseygirl, you do sound very desperate. If your current symptoms are as you describe, then you are to some extent experiencing symptoms that indicate you are currently not doing so well psychologically.

I'm wondering if you need to get in touch with the health providers at the clinic. Did they help you develop a relapse prevention plan? Give you contact phone numbers in case you felt at risk? Teach you self-calming and coping skills? Your number one priority is to ensure your safety. It is kind of alarmist to announce on a website that you feel like taking your life - and it sounds like you really do need to get back in contact with those providers. Please take care by taking action to look after yourself. Best.

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