I have nothing left in the tank, I need help

by Yondaime 27 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Yondaime

  I dont have the willpower to attend meetings anymore. I'm literally on the sound system list every week. I'm either reading on Sunday or Tuesday, praying on Tuesday nites, adjusting mics, passing mics, or working the sound system, or doing last minute parts for the service meeting. Not to mention service on Saturdays and Sundays.

  On top of that I'm in college. I'm really considering taking a break from meetings for a couple of months, but I'm scared the cult will weaponize my family against me.

  What do I do?!!!
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  Justnowout

  Take a breath.

  its volunteer work. You are in no way obligated to do anything you mentioned. The org will take and take until you drop and then blame you for not saying no.

  say no.

  explain its too much, you appreciated the pruvledges etc etc but its overwhelming you. Refuse to do anything else. No means no. Stick to it and you will be just fine with zero negative results. There human too and will sympathize
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  finally awake

  you are in a tough spot. is there anything you could do to disqualify yourself from mics/sound/praying that wouldn't freak your family out too much -like grow a beard or let your hair get too long? If you are financially dependent on your family you may have to play the long game to get through school - and I know how awful that is, but getting your degree is of paramount importance. once you are through with school, look for a job as far away from family as you can.
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  sparrowdown

  Your education and your sanity are more important than passing microphones

  at the meeting so put yourself first, you will thank yourself for it one day.

  As for the fam, they will not die because your taking responsibility for your own self.

  They may not like it at first but it won't kill them.
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  skeeter1

  Is your family paying for your college? Your room? Consider your mike work to be a true job, and you are using your family for tuition, room, & board for 4 years. Once you are able to truly support yourself, then get out of all of this in one fell swoop.

  You should strategically plan your exit. If you financially rely on your family, go see a guidance counselor. Tell the person exactly that you are a JW, you want out, your family will shun you, and you need real help funding college & living expenses. You don't want loans. You want grants. You want a job. You want a free/reduced price housing. As much help as you can get. It is my understanding that there is scholarships available for JWs, ex-cult members, etc. Your guidance counselor will probably jump barrels to help you. Even still, losing one's family whie in college would be a big, traumatic emotional wreck to have to get through. Do you want to insert this type of emotional distress into your life right now? Would your family disowning you (possibly derailing your studies) be a wise move at this time in your life?

  If not, bide your time with mike work. You can probably get away with not doing one speech here or there. Perhaps you have a sore throat or an ear ache coming on. But, other than that, I'd put up with it for 4 years, get your degree, thank your parents, and find a job on the other side of the country.

  I went to college full time, held down a 30 hour/week job throughout. Made Honor Roll most quarters. You can do this. It will prepare you for a time when you have to balance much more on your plate.

  Update us, ok?
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  OnTheWayOut

  I agree that you need that break. If you are so sure your family will be "weaponized" then just tell them you are taking on too much and need a break. If they don't let up, take a smaller break than "no meetings." At least continue to take weekends off from "service" and maybe just do that one day a month. Don't do the last-minute parts at all. Just say "I can't." It isn't your problem that they have to scramble to do it themselves.

  Personally, I would tell the elders you have too much going on right now and need to relinquish some "privileges." When they suggest you cut back on college, tell them that is just not feasible. "I have to cut back on things I do here." No further explanation. Let them think what they might.

  I wish you well in whatever direction you take.
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  Apognophos

  Man, why are you doing so much? It's not necessary to do all those things in order to satisfy the brothers that you're a believing Witness. You need to consider your mental health. As Justnowout says, you should ask the appropriate brother(s) if you can temporarily put some of your responsibilities on hold. Pick the things that are most stressful to you and put those on pause. You may never want to resume them again, but you and they don't have to know that right now. Just ask for a temporary reprieve. Are the most stressful tasks the talks and the reading for the study? Then talk to the school overseer and the Watchtower conductor.

  If you have the appropriately contrite expression on your face when you speak to the brother who is in charge of whatever area you need to do less in, then unless he's a jerk and doesn't like you, he won't give you a hard time. Even if he does give you a hard time, just squirm and look pained and refuse to give in to his pressure. You can honestly tell him that it's causing you too much stress right now. Guess what? He can't make you do anything. Some brothers will even just take someone off their list lickety-split if they're asked nicely, without making a big deal out of it.

  Frankly, you sound like you have a problem saying "no". Usually this stems from being overly concerned with what others think. It gets easier to say "no" when you get older, but there's no time to start learning like the present. Don't worry about what he'll think of you -- "Will he think I'm spiritually weak? Will he just plain think I'm a wuss? Will he suspect me of not being a genuine JW since I 'should' be able to do these things and go to college at the same time?" -- just shut those thoughts out of your mind. They don't matter. The brother in question is just a nudnik who believes in silly things and, while he may matter to your world as long as you're an active Witness, some time in the next few years he won't matter at all.
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  berrygerry

  I dont have the willpower to attend meetings anymore. I'm literally on the sound system list every week. I'm either reading on Sunday or Tuesday, praying on Tuesday nites, adjusting mics, passing mics, or working the sound system.

  or doing last minute parts for the service meeting. Not to mention service on Saturdays and Sundays.

  I found doing the mics, and even reading, helped greatly for the meetings to pass.

  Doing parts, though, and service, can suck out of you.

  Try and see what you can escape from while keeping your sanity.

  If you can do nothing, go to a doctor, and tell him about your workload.

  He'll readily give you a note to take a break.

  Explain to the appropriate elder that you need to take a break to rebuild - and that you will be of zero use if you have a breakdown.
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  label licker

  Tell them your doing the best you can and if that doesn't work then tell others in your congregation how you love college and how everyone should get an education. They'll have no choice but to take your "priveleges" away from you.

  We had an ms in the hall that was going to college for four years and the cooridinator told him not to make that public or they would have to remove him from being an ms. After he was done school, they made him an elder. Not to mention he had only been reinstated four years after being df'd. If they like you, they really like you but if they don't like you then they will do what ever they want. This guy was made an elder at twenty-four years of age. Really sad. With less priveleges you will have more time for your career.
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  Crazyguy

  Tell them you need help and that you can not do it all, If they can't respect that tell them to pound sand..