20 you say. it has been my experience that kids raised 'in' are a good two years behind their worldly peers in social and mental development.
Getting married when you are spiritually out
by 1tMakesNoSence 29 Replies latest social relationships
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Crazyguy
She probably loves you, so use this to your advantage. Share with her some TTaTT a little at a time maybe even have to plant some seeds or ask some leading questions. She will want to please you and this will allow you the advantage of pushing her a little farther then maybe most. Make sure she is awake before you marry her. If she is not or unwilling then I would suggest you move on and find another girl. As hard as that seems your life with a JW Zombie is not worth it especially if kids get in to the mix later. As a last straw tell her if she's not willing to look at some TTaTT with you then how can she respect you as her spiritual head and how will she ever know when the Man of Lawlessness takes over like it says in the bible, if she will not even do what the bible says and keep watch? -
1tMakesNoSence
haha that video..
Well this sucks. I reaaaaaaaaly thought I was sure of this.
Thinking about it now I don't think I'm going to be so happy about letting my children watch that shit. And that's one thing that she already said our children will watch..
The mother is a whole other (wife elder) on her own. So that's not going to make things any better.
...... Is there really no easy way of making things work?
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1tMakesNoSence
By the way, thanks for the Welcome all
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rebel8
she already said our children will watch
this girl is still very in
Run.
I was 500% out of the borg, and had been for a very long time, when I met mr. rebel8. And once he found out I had been (forced to be) a jw as a child, he asked me to vow I would never go back.
mr. rebel8 has no cult history himself. He just understands that brainwashing can cause relapses. So think about all that--a non-jw objectively understands the cult relapse potential, and here you are thinking about deliberately entering a relationship with an intent to expose your future children to the cult.
Dude. Don't do it.
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disposable hero of hypocrisy
Dude. I'm not saying either way.
But I'm awakened after forty years being fully in. My other half knows exactly how I feel, and because I love her I've agreed to pretend to be a witness to a very small extent.
The negatives? I attend most meetings, (except on the flimsiest of excuses) . I do a couple hours a month ministry.
The positives? I keep the pretty half happy, we both keep our social circle, and our families. I've been pretending for years so that's no biggie, and my HOPE is I'll be able to get her to think (eventually) about why I don't believe anymore.
Watch this space.
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Awake at last
The fact that you even started this topic means, in my opinion that you know the answer and what to do. So go and do it.
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3rdgen
"Is there really no easy way to make things work?" In a word NO!
Would you stay in a relationship with someone who was sill in love with her previous boyfriend? Who would meet with him at least once a week? Who would take your kids to see him and teach them that he is a better father than you? That they should reject what you say if it conflicts with his ideas? Her religion will be the old boyfriend in your marriage and she will not likely ever stop seeing him.
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1tMakesNoSence
So I thought about your comments and Believe me I'm still thinking about it.
I get that If she is still mentally in then it's a NONO. But what if currently she is doing things no "in" jw would do in their lives. Like seriously there is no way even I would have done these things a few years ago when I was in.
I reaaaaaly love this girl by the way.
For instance we are told to do the daytext, She'll respond with, "yup, we'll do it when we are home." we Never do it.
We do the watchtower in a record time of 10minutes, I'm not even joking. We only do the questions.
And allot of other things...
Her parents are sooooooooooooooooOOO OOO hard core I cannot even begin to tell you. But I cant let her parents disqualify her.I'll follow some of the advice on here to maybe go through jwfacts, because at this moment, she knows she cant answer my questions, but we haven't sat down in a while and talked about it.
She just tells me to chill with the questions, its not like we don't just do whatever the hell we want any way. And I do agree, what they say doesn't actually affect us in annnnny way.
So thats good?
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cha ching
OK, 1TmakesnoSence..... Were you raised in this? Even tho you have mentally gotten out, that doesn't mean she will ever be out in the same way that you are. Please, please, please do not do this to yourself.
I have seen so many people 'leave' the witnesses, be DF'd, not want to be one, didn't 'really' believe it... but still? something in the back of their head kept saying "maybe the new order will come".... One guy was going to marry a 'worldly girl' (he had been out, DF'd for years) but couldn't... he worried, "could I really give her the life she needs?" He still thinks about going back BECAUSE he wants to visit his brother.... He just stinkin' wants to play golf with his elder brother... so he thinks, "Maybe I should get reinstated so I can play golf with my long lost brother." Shunning, family, losing life is very difficult for anyone to endure.
Your girlfriend is still pretty young... she is still probably pretty close to her mom, right? What about her dad? sisters? brother? Family, shunning and ALL THAT ROT/ BLACKMAIL can change people.....it's hard.
Give both of YOU a break... Who wants to fight for half of your married life of "what you will and won't do"? Marriage is hard enough when your both on the same page, right? Surprisingly, you may just find another person you love as much, if not MORE.... That has happened to people over and over also....
Be fair to yourself, and her..... Maybe you could "call if off" for a year? then see where she stands... Let her decide without pressure... When anyone gets off the "hamster wheel" (no matter what it is) you can get a view of life from a different perspective.
Take care, take time.... be fair to the both of you.