Here we go again. The next hate letter from our 2nd Son. (page 4)

Still Totally ADD

I will take my time and get my anger under control. I have heard all you wonderfull peoples advice and with the best of my ability take a very loving action with my son. It just hurts when I think of all the things Mrs. ADD and I have done for them and their kids. I have some very good friends now in this area and have been talking to them. They have given advice very close to you all. Also they are learning more about the Wt. Cult they just can't understand or believe. They all told me they thought JW was some weird religion with friendly people who come to their door. Now they see this is not the case. They are also learning what a high mind control cult is all about. Thank you all for your help it has made me feel so much better. Still Totally ADD

etna

Still totally ADD there was an awake in july 2009 on page 29 that said no one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family.

Etna

Quandry

So sorry you have to deal with this.

I agree with Etna.

First, that you were sent a letter means that your children miss you terribly. They are just responding in anger because they so desperately want things back as they were..when you were a "united, theocratic family."

My advice? Send a lovely letter with your greetings in the kindest, most loving way possible. Tell them how wonderful it is to hear from them. Then, yes, quote the issue of the awake stating that no one should be forced to choose between beliefs and family. Since that is the case, you'd love to receive a visit from them and the grandchildren. Maybe send a thought about a vacation you took as a family when they were young, or how you read to them at night, etc.

Then, and this might be hard to do, I heartily reccomend sending a check so that they could buy something nice for their family.

Maybe include some photos, and let them know of some interesting outing you've been on.

I'd be interested to know what their reaction is.

Hope the best for you, Quandy

JWdaughter

I liked Quandry's advice. As a parent, I have found that taking a loving stance that is unconditionally loving is the best route. Then your door is always open for the day their eyes are opened. My best to you all. He may never get totally out, but he might well come to his senses remembering that you are not bad and that you always love them

EmptyInside

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I know this sounds strange,but the fact that he bothered to write,means he still cares. He's just desperate to get you to go back. So,he is trying to emotionally manipulate you.

If he didn't still care and wasn't hurting himself,he wouldn't have written at all. I know,you probably would have wished he wouldn't have sent that letter. But,he is blinded by a cult.

I hope one day,your sons wake-up. They are reaching the age,where many do,late 30's,early 40's. A person realizes their life is half over,and the new system still isn't here. And all the sacrifices one made,turns out to be all for nothing. Then we feel bad for how we treated those that left before us. I know,because it has been my experience.

SanLuisObispoTruthSeeker

One thing a witness should avoid before their ready to bail is to avoid printing or writing anything on paper. With that said in your situation "the cat's out of the bag", but all the letters brought by children and parents before the BOE usually were filled with hatred once we got the real letters. If you think it's going to bring you inner peace, why not?

When did you head down the Rabbit Hole and how did you find out this was a Cult and what methods did you use to demonstrate clear proof it's all a lie? Will you son discuss the Bible or focus on Dogma? You know not to expect much out of these letters because anything you write won't be seen because their so blind! Sorry the little buggers are treating you badly, it's how this cults works, lots of hatred with little love! Legalism is the pride and joy of JWism! Keeping the letters with kindness is the only solution, even though they try to push your buttons to respond in hatred you need to keep yourself above reproach and keep everything in love. Nothing good ever comes from hateful writings or acting in haste or writing when your totally pissed off. Remember how the Watchtower taught us to respond to hard-core Trinity christians at the door, try to move away and find something that's not so painful to speak of?

BlackFalcon is right because the grandkids are in the Generation of Instant information, the Watchtower is terrified of the Net! There is hope these kids will question the Watchtower because they have access to things we never had as kids, all the historical information only a few elite had!

jemba

Such a sadly common story. Its so hurtful when our family shun us and treat us with hate. i believe your sons and their families may also be acting out of pride as they are probably embarrased in front of their peers in the cong. Remember what JWs are like - its all about what others see and what others think of you, making sure things always look perfect, its a big show for JWs.

AnnOMaly

I'm with those who take the least confrontational approach. By all means put him right where he's unfairly twisted things round by blaming you for his own actions, but don't attack Watchtower. Absorb his own assault on you and acknowledge his hurt. Remember Rom. 12:17-21 - the one about conquering evil by 'heaping fiery coals' upon your opponent's head? Appeal to the human, not the angry cult persona.

Suggested outline for a response, if it's not too late:

It was lovely to hear from him but you and your wife found some of his comments hurtful and unfair. You understand why he feels angry with you but he has no idea of the pain of what you and your wife have been through in coming to the uncomfortable conclusions you have about the Organization (do not elucidate!) or the anguish in making the decision to leave it. Those conclusions and decisions were not arrived at lightly, nor were they intended to cause him grief. They were for reasons of conscience and personal integrity (I can't remember if you still believe the Bible or not, but if you do, add something to the effect that you have to stay loyal to God and the Scriptures.) If ever he wants to know your reasons, you'll be happy to discuss them, but if not, that's fine also. It's important to have mutual respect of each other's choices. At this point, remind him of the Awake! quote about how people shouldn't be forced to choose between beliefs and family.

Reassure him of your love for him, his brother and the grandchildren. You miss the grandkids terribly and would love to visit with them, write them, Skype, send gifts, etc., however, out of respect for his and his brother's express wishes on [such-an-occasion] (remind him of what he said and when), you have not done so, as distressing as it is for you and your wife.

Then ask how the grandkids are. How are they doing at school? Have they been or done anything exciting recently? Say you've enclosed checks for each of the grandkids so they can buy themselves a treat. Ask that he conveys your love, hugs and kisses to the kids. You hope to hear from him again soon, lots of love, etc.

cult classic

Your boys love you. At this time, they are angry, bitter, and disrespectful. But they do love you and you definitely love them. Use words that remind them of that.

Still Totally ADD

Thanks to all. Both my wife and I have not done anything yet. We are in the thinking stage for now. Whaever we do we will let you all know. Still Totally ADD

Here we go again. The next hate letter from our 2nd Son.

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