by kneehighmiah 88 Replies latest jw friends
The problem in the org is that those who want to get married are not looking to find true love.
They are looking for "materialistic" things: position in organization, physical appearance, material posessions, earning potential, etc.
Does chosing a partner based on those things has anything to do with spirituality?
How do you preach about the love of God, if you go home and wake up every day next to a person who you do not truly love ...
Pb; and in the case of the women the approval of all the others.
Terry here has stated the matter so perfectly i have put this up on my saved section.
Before my wife returned to the wt. She was regularly walking and swimming and mixing with a reasonable older set doing the same. ... and she was fit and looking well.
That is all gone since she gave away any physical activity and is now seriously overweight.
and beauty? a lot comes from a smile that is meant and when that smile shines through the eyes.
When I was new in the truth (28 years ago), I did everything right, pioneer and was an MS. I was treated pretty bad by the then presiding overseer, because he was a special pioneer, ex missionary and only had 1 bible study, and I had 12. He didn't like this and I was mobbed out of the congregation, I should have taken that as a lesson and left the JWs then but I did not.
I decided then to look for a marriage mate. I found one very nice sister who was new in the truth, and I though the world of her. We were in different congregations and in her congregation I was not known, and she was told by an older sister in her congregation that she could not date me because she did not know me (isn't dating about getting to know someone). This lovely sister broke off the relationship with me because of this, but did explain to me because I was not known in her congregation I was not suitable. I should have taken that as a lesson and left the JWs then but I did not.
This sister was looking for a partner and out of frustration married someone who was not a JW, and was DF'd.
For me I did find a very attractive suitable JW sister, basically a JW drone, which I was at the time anyway.
Now I have woken up and fading from the organization, my JW drone wife is adamant that I am an apostatize (which I am), she told the elders after 22 years of marriage, but as yet the elders have not moved against me, but I am sure they will. A great deal of damage has been done because of that, and one thing that is really damaging is that the congregation has made sure to let my wife and 14 year old daughter know that I am "mentally diseased", and that they should not talk to me about any spiritual matters. My wife refuses to discuss even simple bible texts, which of course is inline with the policy of the Magnificent Seven in New York.
Well, I am figuring out how to save my marriage, confrontation is certainly not the way. If any readers of this have had similar problems and successfully help their partner to see the futility of the organization, then I would really appreciate to know about your experience.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?????
I don't think there was ever a lack of attractive JW women in my area. Nor do I think that's that much of a problem throughout the group. The problem to me was just the difficulty of dating itself. Being under a microscope from elders to the gossip hounds. How can anyone have a meaningful relationship that grows into marriage under circumstances like that? You'll find out almost nothing about the person until after you're married, and since it gets suspicious if you date too long, it's a no-win situation.
The other thing is that beauty is subjective. When I first started dating the woman who is now my wife, my brother said to me that she wasn't even all that attractive. Well, I'm not sure who he was looking at, but I think she's gorgeous and even five years later I love looking at her, even with no makeup and snoring in the bed. So to me, she's beautiful.
It's just statistically improbable that out of eight million people, there's a lack of attractive women of marriage age. I'd say you just have to look around, meet more people.
--sd-7
When you buy a car you just don't look at the engine and how reliable the car is, i don't, i want the whole package.
When you look at beautiful things our brain releases chemicals that make us feel good and that goes with a beautiful wife.
Same with your future wife "package" is the key as long as you can also be the "package" she's looking for.
After my divorce from my JW wife i was committed never to marry a JW again, they are nuts and mostly due to the indoctrination of the religion.
There are more sisters than brothers in the organization. This is probable due to the fact that men are more analytic than women are, and can more quickly overcome cognitive dissonance that a woman. The indoctrination seems to be more effective against women that against men. I am not putting women down here because they do deserve a great deal of respect, something which they do not receive within the JW organization.
Let us all remember that every JW, even the sisters have been cheated and lied to by the JW organization.
