JW caregiver married grandfather with dementia (page 2)

JeffT

I am very involved in my 92-year-old mother's care. I highly recommend contacting Adult Protective Services to look into this. If its above board, nothing else will happen. If something is amiss, looking into it is there job.

Vanderhoven7

My aunt-in-law with dementia is paying well over $6000 per month to live in residence. ..and only about $500 of that is covered by Medicare. That does not include what she lays out for medication.

There is a rape accusation case here in Montreal against a husband who visits his wife in residence and that includes conjugal activities. The reasoning is, the wife is not in a position to make a decision about whether to allow or disalow her husbands advances...and therefore he is having sex without consent.

Violia

Metatron,

I think you make some excellent points. If he older gentlemen is happy and well cared for , they are getting a good deal. It costs a lot to get good care and it is hard ( not impossible) to buy love or anything that closely resembles it. She is working hard for her money.

In our state if he has to go to a nursing home he can keep a home in the community( the idea being he might get well enough to return to it). If he owns any other property or cars etc over certain amounts ( very low amounts) medicaid ( esp where I live) will make you spend down ( pay for the nursing home out of your own cash by selling your possessions and using all your available cash.

Anything that they want to put in someone else's name must be done within 3-5 yrs before needing nursing home care or the state looks at your "gift" of a large amount of cash or an extra house to your son very supsiciously and will disallow it. It used to be 3 yrs , it may be 5 now, it can vary by state. So, unless she is seeing a lawyer and he is helping her find a way around this -- the state getting all his money, they will. Many people do this, after all, if you worked hard all your life who do you want to get the extra house you own, the state or your family?

We had a older brother in this area marry his nurse to save the cost of paying for one. As they were both jws , it worked for them. You can hate them and the kids did but it is his life and his money.

metatron

Let me throw in this possibility: far from being a "gold digger" or "black widow", she may have the Greatest Motivation On Earth to keep him alive and healthy and NOT in a nursing home - love or no love !

Why?

Because if he has few if any assets, then his crude, cold-hearted value is his income. That may go poof if he dies or goes to Medicaid.

I would point out that some people divorce to try and escape Medicaid liability. If she married him in his condition, she may be very kind or very stupid or both.

so it may work out perversely....

metatron

Paige2014

The way Medicaid works is that if the funds/assets are transferred Medicaid can refuse to cover anything for my grandfather because they will say he had the assets and transferred them to her (in the mind of Medicaid, he is trying to hide assets to avoid them getting it). I know this because I called the Elder Law hot line here in IL. So there is a huge risk on his part because she manipulated him into transferring funds/assets to her name.

I think something is getting lost here. Every month all but 1800 a month is leaving his accounts. She automatically gets 1200 and then the other amounts allegedly go towards his needs. But for arguments sake we will say that the other funds go towards his food/utilities and upkeep of the house and car. If she gets an additional 1500 that means he will be left with 300 a month to put into savings. That leaves very little financial cushion should an emergency arise.

The best way to deal with this is to have a trust set up so someone, a third party, oversees his finances and makes sure the money goes towards his care with some money being dolled out to her.

Violia

Paige

he can transfer anything he wants to to anyone at anytime. Now, if it is within the 3-5 year time window of him needing medicad- or going into a nursing home etc, THEN they will disallow it and cry foul. I speak from experience of the system.

for example, your dad dies and you expect mom might need a nursing home within 5 yrs or so. go to a lawyer and he will help you transfer things to the kids and get things out of moms name. that way, WHEN time does come for the nursing home, they can't touch her property. This is totally legal and done all the time.

zeb

and still a sister in 'good standing' no doubt?

Finkelstein

I think the biggest legal problem to this situation is that because she married the grand father making her the

legal guardian of his assets and pension.

She might have known what he was making every month that initially spurred her on to marry him in the first place.

Now that she in a position of his finances being his wife, it might very well be difficult to remove what has been arranged.

And once this chap passes on she once again will benefit from his death too.

Its not surprising that the elders wont get involved with this they are just simply not qualified or might not actually be in position to

DA her even though they probably are aware that there might be some devious activity on her part.

.

The old dodge the issue statment comes out well we mustn't sue are brothers and sisters, for it will bring reproach on to god's organization crap

bullshit. They aren't really concerned about misbehavior particular when it comes to money matters with their members.

.

I remember a lot shenanigans going on by JWS with other JWS and I always wondered why the elders were never brought in to intervene.

Probably because they were addressing other issues like teenagers masturbating or touching private body parts.

It seems whenever a issue came up about sexual activity, the elders were there in a moments notice. ????

How does anyone tell that a person married another simple for their money, it may be obvious to some but legally thats another story.

hoser

Did anyone ever mention how old the caregiver woman is? I didn't read all the comments.

JW caregiver married grandfather with dementia

Share this