I just got a call from my mother. Her father died; either yesterday or Sunday. I am going to have to drive to Chicago for the funeral; hopefully it will be on Friday.
The background: My mother and her 3 younger sisters were raised in Chicago. Their father (the man who just passed away) was not a JW. His father and mother were. His father claimed to be one of the annointed. His mother was and then became the "evil slave" of the family.
My mother's mom and dad, (I will call her Jane and him Dick) met and married in the late 1930's. My mother was born in 1939. Her sisters followed in quick succession.
Jane was eradic and kind of loopy. She fell under the spell of the JW's and became one in about 1949. For some reason, she did not force her daughters into it.
In approximately 1951, Jane left the family...just walked out. My mother did not see or hear from her mother (Jane) until approximately 1976.
After Jane left my mother was forced into the role of caregiver for her three younger sisters. My great-grandmother, Jane's mother, (we'll call her Liz), stepped in also to help. However, her help was limited. She was a cleaning lady with limited english. She had to work to support herself and her bachelor son who lived with her, (we'll call him John).
According to all my mother's sisters, Jane took to the streets of Chicago, preaching all the time. She became a FT pioneer. I have no idea how she survived finacially.
Jane eventually remarried and relocated to San Jose, CA.
When my mother was 16 (this is approximately 1955) she told my great-grandmother Liz that Dick was molesting her and her sisters. Liz and her son John filed for custody of my mother. (this is questionable---why just my mom?)
This is where is all gets hazy. From what my mother told us when we were kids, she left her father and 3 sisters because she needed a mother figure. She said her father would come into the bathroom while she was showering...that was it until about 10 years ago.
About 10 years ago my mother started to say that her father molested her. When pressed for details she would say she could not talk about it. She finally started to tell...she said Dick would climb into bed with her and her sister and stroke them. Then it led to fingers.
She said she can recall him pressing his erection into her behind. She says he never penetrated her or her sisters.
Her sisters deny any of this happened. My mother is convinced that they are saying this because Dick had money and they wanted it when he died. My mother stopped speaking to her father in about 1992. She never confronted him on this.
In approximately 1976 Jane called, out of the blue. I had no idea who was on the phone when I answered it. It was Jane, trying to get to know her daughers. She and her husband, Wally, came to visit Chicago from California. They stayed with Liz (Janes Mom) and came to our home 1 time.
My grandmother Jane was freightening. She had shocking red hair...Bozo color. She weighed about 400 lb, as did Walter. Both recited scripture and could not carry on a conversation without interjecting a bible quote. She was insane IMO. She claimed to be one of the annointed.
My mother, for some reason, kept in touch with Jane until her death in about 1993. Her sisters did not. They periodically spoke to her, but not anything close to being intimate.
My great-grandmother Liz barely heard from Jane during all the years after she left her family. Jane spoke to my mother more often...weekly.
I despised my grandmother, Jane. I firmly believe that if in fact her husband was molesting her daughters, she would know. My mother is not clear on why Dick and Jane broke up....my mother, years ago, said it was because of the dubs....Dick would not become one and this gave Jane reason to leave.
Now my mother says that Jane was verbally and mentally abused by Dick. Since she had no options in 1955, she just walked out.
I will always blame Jane for what happened to my mother (if it did happen...I will get to that) and possibly her sisters. She left 4 young girls to go preach about armageddon. She had to be nuts.
My mother insists it is not Jane's fault...it happened after Jane left. The question I had for my mother is why did Liz (Jane's mother) just try for custody of my mother and not all 4 girls. If the court agreed that Dick was molesting my mother, would it not make sense that Dick would molest the other 3?
My mother's answer is that the court was going to send social workers to check on her sisters. The sisters claimed nothing happened to them.
Liz and her son John are dead and I cannot ask them. My mother said she tried to get the court records, however the files are sealed because she was a minor.
I do not have alot of feeling for my grandfather Dick. I do know he never tried to molest any of his 7 granddaughters. (I spoke to some of them at my Dad's funeral in February and asked)
This issue, of molestation, ripped apart my mother's family. She brought these charges up 40 years after they occured. I honestly do not know if I believe my mother's version of things. She has embellished stories of so many things over the years that her credibility with me is pretty low.
Her sisters avoid her. They alert her to someone's passing, however, that is it. They don't get together or socialize.
I do not know if my grandfather had money...if he did they will now fight over it like jackel.
When Jane died (on welfare) my mother flew (for the first time ever) to California to handle her estate. My mother's sister, Sue, lives in Orange county, CA and demanded that she be allowed to handle the estate.
My aunts have implied that my mother went to Jane's house and found money hidden in the walls and took it before Sue got there. This caused the latest rift between them, which started in 1993. (she was a FT pioneer, whatever that meant, for years and never held a job; where did all the cash come from? Walter, Jane's husband was on disability) Jane and Walter lived like pigs in a small home that was worse than the worse trailer; my mother and aunt agree on that.
When my Mom called me today, I asked who would give the talk at his funeral? She did not know.
I cannot imagine that a JW elder or MS would give a talk about him. He never accepted the truth. His mother became an evil slave. He potentially molested all 4 daughters.
This is the first time I am relating this information about my mother.
I have always been ambivilant about what happened when she was young. My aunts catagorically deny everything she says. (I asked two of them at my Dad's funeral)
I am not sure if Jane implied things to my mother over the years to make her truly believe she was molested. My grandmother was clearly not sane. My mother is the type of person who would buy into a story and swear it happened; even if she was not there and did not witness it. She is very gullible.
I do not know what I feel. I am sorry that when Liz and John were alive I did not ask them about it. Liz died in the mid-80's and John in the mid 90's. Neither one had a relationship with Dick, however, neither one ever said he was evil or anything to imply that he was to be feared.
I have tried to get my mother to think about the possibility that perhaps Dick did not molest the other three after she left. She refuses to think about it and believes they stood by him for years because of his money.
I brought up the possibility that perhaps her sisters were hurt that age 16 she walked out on them; just like their mother. She denies that this could possibliy cloud their judgement. Her youngest sister was about 8 when my mother walked out. I asked my mother if she felt any guilt over leaving them with a molestor?
My mother has denied any guilt...she said the social workers checked on them. She did not. Liz would go over every month or so, however, Dick was not real cooperative with visits.
My father denies that my mother ever said any of this to him...he said Jane left Dick because of the dubs and my mother moved in with Liz because she needed help becoming a woman. He said none of the three sisters ever said anything to him about Dick molesting them.
My mother's sisters all left home young. Sister 1 was married at 17, sister 2 left and married at 18 and sister 3 left at age 17 and moved in with my mother and father until she got married at age 18.
My mother claims this proves Dick molested them, they all tried to leave as soon as possible.
I will have to go to another funeral...this will be number 3 in 9 months.
Should I send flowers? Am I obligated to go? I am so sick of funerals. My uncle who died in October was a nice guy...I was starting to like my dad (who died in Fedruary)...my grandfather; I hardly knew him.
I saw him 3 times over the last 15 years. Neither he nor my aunts were at my wedding. (the rift that time with my mother was over my mother being in touch with Jane)
I just don't know if I should go. Though it would make for a very interesting story....how will the faithful dub daughters handle the death of their non-dub dad?