Help or advise wanted

by JG 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Francois

  I agree with most of the others on this point: protect your children from this cult FIRST AND FOREMOST. At this time, they have neither voice, nor choice, and it is IMHO immoral to force this cult down their throats. This is the best gift you can possibly give them, and later in life they will know it.

  The damage done to them in just a short time in this cult could be and likely would be irreversible. When I divorced, I had two small children and even though I was not the custodial parent, I INSISTED that my ex not take them to the KH. And privately, I told my ex that if I discovered she was not honoring that request, that I would take the children and disappear with them. And she knew that I wasn't in the habit of making empty threats. She never took them to a meeting after that, nor did she discuss so-called JW "theology."

  Another poster had a really solid point in pointing out that you are the head of the house whether you are a JW or not. You wife must defer to you in all things. If she doesn't then SHE'S NOT A PROPER JW. Then her going to meetings, etc. becomes meaningless. And if she divorced you to be free to do as she wished, she could NEVER be a proper witness, because she failed when tested.

  It's easy to follow Jesus instructions when you're not being tried, but not so easy when you're in the breach. If you fail then, all your meeting going, field service, etc. from then on becomes as a tinkling cymbal.

  My two cents.

  Francois
• 

  144thousand_and_one

  JG,

  I'll add my voice to the others here who are telling you to keep the kids away from the JWs at all costs. The damage that this cult will cause your children is irreparable, and should be avoided by whatever means necessary.

  Don't plan on getting any help from the elders as to your position as head of the house. That's only relevant when the head of the house is a fellow JW cult member. These idiots will only create more havoc in your life and traumatize your children.

  If I were you, I'd start planning your affairs for the very real possibility of a divorce. The JWs encourage it when "worldly" folks marry JW cult members, and you'd be wise to consult a lawyer and start tucking some cash away.

  Good luck!!!
• 

  out4good3

  The damage that this cult will cause your children is irreparable

  I can attest to this personally. All of my dub relatives have no social skills outside of dubdom whatsoever, stunted intellectual growth and no critical thinking skills at all. It's like outside of the KH, they're walking zombie's.
• 

  dustrabbit

  JG: You got my sympathy, because if she's returning to the JWs after a 12 year absence, there's got to be some serious issues going on inside her. But then agian, addiction is a terrible beast.
  As for the kids: How old are they? Does she actually listen to what they say, assuming that they have at least some opinions already formed. I started having my crisis of conscious when I was eight over the blood issue. Other things came later.
  Personally, I'm watching my own marriage crumble but for different reasons. But I find it interesting that since my wife grew up in a group-oriented society/culture, she doesn't like to think for herself, much like the JWs. No matter how much i try to talk her, she doesn't want to listen to me because I don't think like how her group says she must think. Thus, my opinion is wrong and isn't too be listened to.
  So, I think if your wife is really into the JWs, give it up. Save the kids. But if she shows any cracks in her faith, I'd show her the UN-JW connection. If there's anything besides the Catholic Church that the JWs love to needle and harp on, it's the UN.
  Also, don't worry if you get divorced. Realize this: do you want to live in hell for the rest of your life? Just get a good lawyer and fight for custody of the kids on the grounds that she is placing them in a religious cult and they don't have the freedom to choose.
  Take care,
  the dustrabbit

  To do list:
  1.Still waiting to goose the Organization.
• 

  JG

  okay here is the Info
  kids Daughter 7 yrs old
  son 6 yrs old
  son 4.5 yrs old
  daughter 1.5 yrs old

  My wife was considering becoming catholic and so she began praying for an answer (begin sarcasm)and lo and behold a jw showed up and so she said yes to an in home bible study and they kept coming back (end sarcasm)

  I don't think that divorce is on the horizon I think that our love is to strong and we both feel that divorce is unscriptural. I know that she has doubts about the watchtower but I have no idea what it is or they are. Her mother told me she does but will not tell me what specifically.

  I think what I will do as far as showing they are unscriptural is to show them as false prophets, I have the most information and i feel the scripture that reads (paraphased because I'm lazy) one who speaks in the name of the lord and his propesies do not come true he is a false prophet and he must die. I feel this scripture is powerful to her and I think that would be the best way to get through to her. I'm afraid that going for the knock out punch maybe information over load.

  What do you think.
• 

  Hmmm

  JG that's a very good start. I think (it's been a while) this is the first point that I admitted to myself.

  I was raised for years to ignore the 1914 and 1975 false predictions (didn't even know about all the other dates). The automatic response was "but Jesus' apostles had wrong ideas..." However, you just can't get around what the Bible very clearly says about false prophets.

  If ANY other group on earth said the end was going to come in a particular year and it didn't, JWs would see it as sure proof that they were false prophets.

  Don't expect your wife to just accept this argument; there is probably too much conditioning to overcome with mere logic. But if she was being honest with you, it should be enough for her to at least consider other points.
• 

  one

  JG,

  EASY does it, just tell her i love you, and show it.

  DO NOT get into arguments of any kind it will not work, it will alineate her even more, she already thinks you are on her enemy's side... = mind blocked. Take it really easy.

  No amount of reasoning has ever worked for me trying to convince anyone. Specially if they see me as part of the enemy.

  If you try to stop her from taking the children to the KH, she may (will) divorce or leave you. Your are not her "head" when it comes to that kind of authority.

  Be responsibble in ALL aspects, try to play dumb.

  If you DEMOSTRATE that you love your children and the rest of the family... children will notice. Nothing can be above love for long.

  If you "hold" their hands with love they can go through hell and nothing happens. They will feel confident they count on you

  If one of the parents, you, keep an open eye and promote neutral conversation, you will know what is going on and when to take action IF required.

  Ecletic empirical advise.
• 

  JG

  Amen,
  I believe that the passive way is what is right. Now. hehe I have tried the angry sulking a-hole way. When I pray the answer is to show with love. specifically a song called "they will know we are christians by our love." and the beatitudes. Does anyone else get specific answers to prayers? Love to all and you have my greatest thanks for all of your answers.
• 

  AuntieJane

  Listen to the Posters here. Those beautiful innocent children should not be raised in a cult that will warp their minds. You must take charge of the situation. I am also a Catholic and would be glad to talk to you if you wish to write me at [email protected]
  Be Subtle, take it Slow, but be STRONG.
• 

  outnfree

  JG wrote: "Whatever I do I am persecuting her and denying spiritual food."

  DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

  JG,

  I was the JW wife of an unbelieving [Catholic] husband. Let me warn you that "denying spiritual food" or "endangering [your wife's] spirituality" is grounds for LEGAL SEPARATION in Dubville.
  Your prayer answer and the advice given here to LOVE your wife is very important to enact.

  My husband insisted that our children attend Catholic schools. (Don't know if you can afford this, but you might try this, too.) Because of this, my (4) children saw that kindness and love were qualities not shown only by JW's and that prayers were answered for Catholics, too! Also, they got religion class every day to counteract my surreptitious family Bible study which was one hour/week (when it actually took place!)

  One wrote: "If you try to stop her from taking the children to the KH, she may (will) divorce or leave you. Your are not her "head" when it comes to that kind of authority."

  In my experience you ARE the "head" when it comes to that kind of authority. My husband would only allow me to take the children to Sunday meetings (I snuck them out in field service sometimes, too, when he worked on Saturdays -- and I took them out mid-week while he was at work before they were in school). Weeknight meetings were out of the question because they had school and school was their 'job'.
  I was told by the elders to respect that as he had just as much of a right to teach them his religion as I had to teach them mine.

  Also, "Jehovah hates a divorcing"! Your wife will not be permitted to divorce you for endangering her spirituality. But she WOULD be able to legally separate. My elder body always encouraged me to stay. Sorry to say that others here have reported differently.

  I agree in keeping your children OUT, OUT, OUT! YOU can study with them and help them learn reasoning skills. Insist on celebrating holidays, and going to Mass. Insist on Saturday fun dates (so they won't WANT to go with Mom in field service!). Allow them to play sports, be in the band, participate in choir, etc., etc.

  Sounds to me like 9-11 may have put the fear of Armaggedon in her and now she wants to save her babies from death at the hands of the Watchtower God! I know I went back (hadn't been baptized, but around 17 was convinced it was 'the Truth') when I had my daughter. Wanted to teach her 'the Truth'. Wanted her raised as a Christan. Wanted her to survice the Great Tribulation. Perhaps your wife has a similar motive?

  I tried to find that WT AlanF mentioned, but it's not in the file. It's not the August 1 or 15 issue, though. (At least I narrowed down the search a bit!)

  GOOD LUCK!!!

  outnfree

  When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift