How do you explain it to your spouse?

buffy

I've been w/ my husband for 2 years, married for 3 months. He knows what I went through going throught the df process. he saw the horrible time I had dealing w/ loosing my family. I cried alot, I felt like a mental case and still do at times. I told him about this website and how nice it is to talk to people who understand. He doesn't get it. He can't see how I can still believe anything I was taught. I try to explain how it is when your born and raised a witness and how leaving is like trying to find yourself.

Any advise on how to help him understand?

buffy

Mimilly

buffy hon - check your email.

hugs,
Mimilly

"Our lives begin to end, the day we become silent, about things that matter" ~~Martin Luther King

Jewel

You can't, kiddo.

No matter how empathetic, sympathetic or caring he might be, he CAN NOT understand. My experience is that most people who aren't familiar with JWs relate leaving to leaving some other more main-line religion. Of course it's completely different.

Accept his concern and sympathy and love, but don't expect him to really be able to understand. That's what WE'RE here for...

Jewel

beckyboop

(((((((((((((((((Buffy))))))))))))))))))))

I am in a similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend now for a year and a half, and all this jw stuff must appear very nutty to him. Although I don't know that he'll ever truly understand, (it's pretty impossible unless you've been there) he cares enough about me to realize that it is a HUGE part of me that will never completely go away.

One thing that I think has helped him is my involvement with this forum. We do not have a tv, so our computer is our entertainment. We spend our evenings sometimes poking around on the forum, and he's read a lot now on his own due to his curiousity being peaked. We also hosted a local apostafest here in Providence RI, and he got to meet 12 other ex-jw's and hear their stories.

The more you husband can see that it's not only you, you aren't CRAZY, you may have lots to sort out in your mind etc.; the more he'll realize that it is a very big part of your life. Hopefully he'll get involved enough to be able to be patient thru the roughest times.

Thanks for posting, it helps so much to read about others and hear what they are going thru, and what helps them get thru it. There are some wonderful posts from people who can express themselves very eloquently. Happy reading! Hope to see you around!

Love,

Becky

TR

Hi buffy,

My wife was never part of the 'hovah scene. She's not part of the X 'hovah scene either. Like your husband, she's really kind of clueless about it all. I guess you just had to "be there" to understand.

TR

UADNA-WA
Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

Amazing

Sometimes, I have found it useful to compare our years with the JWs as a spiritual form of Soviet Communism, where we were mentally enslaved. Even though we are now free, and have a special appreciation for freedom, it takes time to adjust to liberty ... and though free, some of our relatives and friends are still held captive in the Soviet Watchtower ... we still miss them. To find other refugees (x-JWs on the Internet) from the Soviet Watchtower is a blessing because maybe some of our friends or relatives might show up ... or those who knew them ...

Maybe he will appreciate this if it is stated in familiar political terms that he can relate to in someway ... who knows. I used this with my lifelong best friend, and he still has a hard time getting it ... maybe there are just some things too difficult to convey.

scootergirl

I agree...unless you lived it you thoroughly can't understand.

I don't slight my husband for not understanding...it isn't his fault but I do try to, little by little, explain to him what it was like. He still looks at me in disbelief though.

That is why a site like this is so great.....this is the very first time that I have come in contact w/so many people that can relate.

~Christy

You know when healing's occurred when you can remember when you want to and forget when you choose.-Bessel van der Kolk

Undecided

Hi All,

I have a friend who was never a JW, yet he went through almost the same control, indoctrination when he was a young person. It was some fundumental religion, I forget which one. He raised some questions when he was a little kid and they made him stop asking questions. When he visits some of his family he still fakes belief to quell their condemnation of him. He can't really say what he thinks about religion or they would shun him. Maybe not as bad as the JWs, but close in many ways.

We enjoy sitting in my backyard swing and discussing our feelings about God and religion and have about drawn the same conclusions. It's a great fairy tale and that's about it.

Ken P.

Introspection

Well, I was a baptised witness and associated with witness youths though I was not raised as one. I guess some people might say I understand generally but not really when it comes to being raised as a dub and so on. Of course I'd like to understand anyone that I care for, but if I don't understand something about their past it doesn't mean I care any less. So for me, I've decided that it is not important for people who care for me to understand. What's important to me is understanding that you care and are cared for. Besides, if you had to choose between someone caring and someone who just understands, which would you choose? If someone really loves you they wouldn't need to know or understand to care, and they won't judge you based on their lack of understanding. To me that's more profound in a way because despite not knowing about you, they care about you. That would be closer to unconditional love.

It seems like we get this feeling that if people don't understand, then we're alone. Well, that's only true in terms of being alone in having that understanding, but not in the sense of really being alone. I guess my general rule of thumb is that in dealing with myself I try to understand, in dealing with others I try to extend that love. It's always easier to do the opposite - love yourself and understand others, you can be more objective with others and you are always there for you. I think the challenge lies in loving others and understanding yourself.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things -Mary Oliver

*edited for grammar

Sam Beli

Well said Introspection. Thank you for your insight.

Sam Beli

"...religion opposes the commandments of Almighty God." Violence by J. F. Rutherford 1938

How do you explain it to your spouse?

Share this