Well, as one who will never truly understand I have to step up for others who have been absolutely baffled by the experience of having a loved one "in". As much as I know that I can never fully grasp the situation as I haven't been in those shoes, I also know that it was my need for understanding that brought me to sites like this a long time ago.
Just as I will never know the sights or smells, the feelings and the loss, my friend will never know what it was like to stand on the brink of something so odd and be left dangling, wondering what the heck any of it means. My friend will probably never know how I felt when I first read those derisive remarks about people like me- worldly types! (You mean, when they were acting all nice to me- at the very same time they were allowing people to say such horrible things about me??) But it isn't just up to me to understand his experiences. He's got to try to understand mine as well. Not just the ones I had in dealing with his religion. But the the experiences I've had completely independent of him or his religion.
Goodness knows- there are lots of people on this board who took completely different things away from their experience. In reality, they won't fully understand you either. Nobody really does. So, you look for people you can relate to and hope shared experiences might help you heal.
I'll never really understand anymore than my friend will understand what it was like in my shoes. Nor will he ever understand many of my life-shaping experiences. Then what? We stand at an impass because we'll never really "get it" from each others perspectives?
I would NEVER belittle what a tremendous life-altering experience this has been for anyone here. The best I can do is try to get as best an understanding as I can. At the same time, I would hope that my jw friend would realize that he has never been where I stand either. That isn't the point though, is it? The point is trying to bridge the gap, not widen it by using the "you'll never understand" sentiment as a barrier.
You'll never understand. Explain it to me. You'll never understand. Enlighten me. You'll never understand. You don't understand me either. You'll never understand. Nor will you. You'll never understand. Why bother? You'll never understand. I give up.
At what point do you let yourself and others off the hook? When do you start to accept the fact that true understanding of every thought, experience and action between people is something of myth. Realistically, there will always be differences. It's what you do to find common ground that matters in the end.
p.s. Little Toe, I think you seem like a nice guy but that "ignorance" comment was really unnecessary. Perhaps you didn't really understand her question, or did that thought not cross your mind? Before you call her ignorant, you might want to be sure you understood where she was coming from when she asked you that.
