I did something really stupid.... :(

Eppie

Hey,

Ok, i need all the advice i can get.....

Last week i told my sister (she is jw, as is my entire family) that i did something stupid.

i had just broken up with my boyfriend because he was cheating on me.... and in some kind of drunk-revenge-mood i slept with his best friend.....

Ok, this action is, of course, really stupid. But i felt really terrible and i had to talk to someone, and my sister asked me "hey what is going on" and i just started crying and crying, so I told her. Well actually i didn't mention the word "sleeping with him" but instead of that i just said "kissing with him" but of course she knew what i meant.

I still am an official JW, and now my sis thinks i owe it to the community to tell them. She promised me not to tell anyone, but I am wondering how long that will last.

To make things somewhat more clearer: I don't live with my parents anymore, i am 20 and live on campus 2 hours away from my parents. When i moved to campus i still went to the KH, but i stopped going really soon. No elder ever asked me why i stopped, i kind of got lost in the system (while moving), and i took advantage of that: i faded away. But when someone asks me (whether JW or not) if I am a JW or not i tell them i am not.

Ok, my story isn't really clear heh? My really question is: what shall I do? I don't want my sister to be in the position that she has to "hand me in", but on the other hand i don't want to lose the position i am in right now (lost in the system, no harassments from elders). So what to do?

* Help *

ignored_one

((((Eppie))))

What a horrible situation.

Hmmm.

As I've never had to go through this I can't really advise you.

But I can say that from reading about others experiences it's likely that if you don't tell the elders she will. Then you'll have to go to the KC (kangaroo court) and answer all those less than subtle questions.

It's likely that the gossip-mill will go into overdrive regarding you regardless of whether you appear repentant and stay a JW or appear not repentant and are disfellowshipped.

I really don't know what to say. Erm, there's always disassociating yourself to try and stop any rumours but I doubt that would work. What would the elders-wives do without the rumour mill.

I think it depends on how much you have to lose regarding friends and family.

I'm sure someone will be able to give better advice than me, I'm probably just trying to work it out myself in this post.

Ignored One, (Iggy).

teenyuck

{{{Eppie}}}

I have to disagree with ignored....you do NOT have to go to any kangaroo court!!!!!

REPEAT after me:

"I will not let them hurt me or disgrace my name."

Now, when/if your sister "turns you in" you and she need to have a serious talk about ethics...hers. Why does she feel that you need to " my sis thinks i owe it to the community to tell them?" What role is she playing? Judge? Jury? WHY???? To make herself feel better....she is better than you...she is a "good girl."

First of all, what community? The dubs? What hold do they have over you? Emotional, mental or financial?

You owe no one an explanation of what you did. If your parents ask you I would be honest. However, much can be said without telling them all. NO parent wants to hear or believe that their 20 year old has had sex. Period.

However, as parents they need to support you....emotionally, mentally and perhaps financially. If they have a financial hold over you they may use this to hit you over the head...."we pay the bills, you are ____________ (insert favorite saying).

What I am trying to get at is why do you feel the need to confess this to a group of dirty old men who will want to hear every detail:
for example: "were you wearing panties or a thong?" "did you have an orgasam?" "Did you enjoy it?"

They will ask questions that would make a rape counselor uncomfortable.

You made a mistake. Live with the fact that you did and you learned from it. Also, try not to use your sister as a sounding board...she has shown herself to be more interested in JW rules than you.

You will only be hurt mentally and emotionally. Go talk to a counselor at school...universities today have numerous resources to help students like you. They are TRAINED to help you. Elders are only looking for the next scandal so they can hear all the dirty/juicy details and then DF you.

Your name will be besmirched in the community. If they try to DF you, fight it. Do not go down without a fight. Tell them you want witnesses with you when/if you do go to a JC. They won't allow it...why?!

Because they cannot ask all the disgusting questions and get their rocks off with witnesses.

My mother slept with her long time worldly boyfriend when I was 15. She came home and "confessed" to me. I advised her to button her lip. She was sorry and would never do it again.

She went to the elders and confessed. They DF'd her. But first they asked all the questions above and more. IE, how long did it last, where were you, what were you wearing, what was he wearing, describe exactly how it happened.

She came home even more upset and needed counseling to get over the fact one of the elders had an obvious erection and was getting off on her detailed description.

You simply ignore their requests for a JC. If they tell you that you will be DF in abstentia, send them a certified letter telling them you will take legal action if they announce this off the podium. It is slander.

I am so upset about this. You will only be abused by them if you let yourself be.

You are in college, you have a future many witness children only dream of. Do not let them abuse you.

E-mail me if you want to talk...I will call you or you call me.
Tina

ignored_one

Hi Puffs,

You're right, she doesn't have to go. I was more thinking that if she didn't they would likely diss her anyway.

Doh. Must remember to check posts for obivous pointless sentences.

Ignored One, (Iggy).

teenyuck

I understand....

Since coming to this board, I have seen numerous posts by members who were called for a JC.

The threat of a lawsuit for defaming your name, by announcing it from the podium, seems to work well.

Many here have examples of letters they sent the elders and the elders backed down. Immediately.

After watching what my mother went through, I get infuriated when I hear they are trying to do the same thing to someone else.

What Eppie did is between her and her conscience. If her parents insist on asking questions, she should have her sister out of the room and admit nothing.

Be strong Eppie, do not let them take advantage of you!

jaccilynn

((((eppie))))

i agree with puffs. your conscience was weighed down by the fact that you had slept with your boyfriend's friend. so you told someone, your j/w sister. that's completely fine, you felt guilty and you wanted someone to talk to. you told your sister in confidence... if she decides to go back on her word and tell the elders... that's her deal, not yours. you don't have to say anything, confess anything, do ANYTHING you don't want to do. if you don't think you need to talk to the elders, don't do it. if you don't want to tell your parents, don't do it! be your own person, don't let anyone push you around.

i was pressured into telling the elders things that i didn't think they needed to know, and i felt horrible afterwards. not for the things i had done, that THEY disagreed with, but for being bullied into telling them what i did.

only you know what is right for you. don't let anyone push you around!!

we're the same age ep, if you wanna talk more, send me an email.

LB

Eppie here is something you can learn from guys.

deny deny deny

Should you ever be called in by an elder just say that your sister is lying about the event and you don't know why.

After all where are the two witnesses to this matter?

Don't let yourself be hurt by them. Don't let your guilty conscience push you into a place you really don't want to go.

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

Not trying to run you down, but jeez girl, this kinda stuff is self-destructive. You really should have more respect for yourself.

TR

UADNA-WA
Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

I did something really stupid.... :(

Eppie

ignored_one

teenyuck

ignored_one

teenyuck

jaccilynn

LB

larc

SixofNine

TR

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