i have been seeing a jw (page 2)

joannadandy

Princess you don't have to run.
A non-jw I was dating was the reason I was able to get up the courage to finally leave.

I had been "bad" and secretly dated lots of "wordly boys". I was even convinced every time that I could convert/save them, and in time they would know it was the "truth". The thing I realized was, I didn't even know if it was the "truth" so how the hell could I convince someone else. It was eventually this double standard in my life, pointed out to me by the non-jw I was dating that got me to really think about what I wanted for a change.

In the end it wasn't a preacher coming to talk to me that convinced me to change. (I had had non-jw boyfriends try that tactic with me too, that only made me go into attack mode.) It was just him pointing out to me that I wasn't doing what my religion told me to do, if I couldn't even follow the simple rules how happy could it be making me? He was so right.

If you really are attached, don't run, but it's not going to be easy by any means. You need to ask yourself if he is worth it, if the young relationship you have is worth it, etc. Because you are going to have to fight for it. And it's not going to be pretty. But who knows he might actually come around, and you could be the one to end up saving him!

Best of luck to you on whatever you choose!

Incense_and_Peppermints

my first comment is: WHY?

seriously though, he is 'committing fornication', for which he can be disfellowshipped. he's also lying to you. if he told the congregation, they would have already kicked him out by now. do you want to be involved with someone who is deceitful and can't even be a devout practitioner of his faith? what happens if you convert? do you want your children to grow up in this faith? drop him FAST. there are plenty of men in the world, and ones with more courage of convtiction than this loser. he's just getting his kicks with you. what a jerk.

itsalingthing

Okay, I can sympathize with you on some level. If you read further back in the posts, I am "In love with a Jehovah's Witness". Everyone there told me to run as fast as I could. I listened, but did not heed their warnings. What made things even more difficult, is that this jw is my neighbor. Now, we don't even speak to one another, and we no relationship at all. My heart was completely broken. I felt like I followed all the rules (which, it sounds as if, you did not) and my heart was still crushed.

So if you know what is good for you, and want to remain sane, you will find a man who is more comfortable with himself and know that loving another person is not a crime against God, but a blessing.

dustrabbit

Hi Princess:
I agree with the othe rposters about runnung from this guy. True, you could have a chance to wean him away from the JWs, but i don't think so.
If this guy has had sex with you twice after others had found out about his "indiscretions" and fornication and he hasn't told them, then he's a sneaky one.

So, let's say for argument's sake, you stay together.

Scenario one: He quits and stays with you. It seems to me that the stage is ripe for him to statrt pimping around on the down low (are you all saying that still in America?) and do you think he would tell you the truth? Remember, in the JWs' thinking, the Organization comes before all other humans...inclduing you. If he can't tell them the truth, what does that say about you?

Scenario Two: You join the JWs. You have to give you r life as you know it now: friends, habits that are frowned upon by JWs, holidays, family, etc. You as a woman are expected to show men such respect that isn't allowed any more by mainstream American society b/c it's sexist. Even though my mother never followed that path -- she wores the pants in the family, but be prepared that if you "step out of line" in your honey's eyes that the possibility of physical abuse won't arise. And it seems that JWs keep that kinda of thing hushed, and if you went outside of the Organization for relief, you would be ridiculed if the elders to do so. You spend your time having to fill in hours in door-to-door ministyr work.
Your sex life as woman is ruled by JW doctrine. Guys have it a little bit easier, but not by that much. So, let's say that two of you do something outside the norm. He feels guilty, but you have to submit to the witch hunt and endure having to answer humiliating questions while (from what I understand from other posters) the male gets only a few questions, like: "Do you feel remorse?" "Did you do it?"

This sounds like torture, doesn't it?
But hey Princess, you're young...just 22. There's plenty of nice guys out here "in the world".

the dustrabbit

Rahel

Hi Princess!

What i read about you made me very sad about you both and even those opinion what people think about JW.This guy accept that he made a mistake and he told the elders.What about you Princess?you have to be in futur very careful try not to sleep with everyman you don't really know and wait before marriage and be mature before you fall in love ask about the beliefs and if you don't like a man belief then leave it please.Instead of judging JW ,try to ask about what is JW and you can get information.Hope you come to a good decision.S

Edited by - Rahel on 10 June 2002 9:36:7

Darkhorse

Good luck to you.

I am non-JW woman, but have somewhat befriended-if you could call it that a JW lady. A situation like that is not easy because she is basically an on/off person (sometimes very friendly, other times not - and I have seen these same traits displayed when she is dealing with other people. I have watched other people say, "Hi" to her, and she will barely answer them. This is not good and I think she has many, many issues - one is not knowing how to deal with people). I am at the point with her now that I will speak to her in passing, but if she wants to have a conversation, she will have to come to me to start it. I will not give her the benefit of snubbing me. I do not need it. I have made it clear to this woman that I am there for her if she needs somebody (and I am); but I will not allow manipulation either.

What I am trying to tell you is my situation is not complicated - there is no romance involved. Your situation is very complicated because you have been physically and emotionally involved with a JW. You had mentioned in your post after your fourth sexual experience, he told the congregation about it. That would really bother me, enough to say, "See you later!"

I wish you well and hope you do not get hurt.
Telling the congregation about something so intimate should give you a very strong indication of the type of relationship you may have if you become more involved with this man. It's not just about you and him - you've got the baggage of the entire congregation also.
Do you want/need that?

chineseprincess

thanks guys for your input, i will do my best to deal with this situtation i have with him and the guys in my life. but for you information, friday we said our last goodbyes. so i will have the time to find myself. i told him it was fine that we keep talking but only standard talk. i spoke to him last night and he tell me that he loves me and he doesn't know what to do. i replied to him, you only know me for 2 months and you say you love me. i kinda of believe him and in a way i don't think he really does. he is probable just confused. he also supposely dated a girl in hs(before he was batized) and did things with her(no sex) and friday he goes and tells me that he didn't do anything with the girl and that i'm his first this and that. so i got upset because if lied to me about that then there is probable many more lies within. he said that he had a fling with the girl from hs because he didn't want me to laugh at him. i hate his gosh darn excuses. i'll probable tell him straight out, that if doesn't take me as i am then screw him
once i again i would like to give thanks to everyone

Matty

Princess, thanks for getting back to us. You are a worry, what are we to do with you?!

Keep in touch.

AuntieJane

Dear Princess, I think your Subject needs to be corrected: "I have been screwing a JW"...You need to get real girl and understand why he was interested in you. Sorry, but what do you expect? A real "sweet" guy who called you every name in the book, too. You have a lot of growing up to do; good luck in finding yourself...I mean that sincerely.

chineseprincess

auntiejane, the jw is the one who called me those names. it was my ex-boyfriend of 3.5 yrs that called me those names.

i have been seeing a jw

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