my girlfriend is cheating on me! what should i do?

enrique

hello everyone, i'm new to this site. so i dont really know all the computer talk (i just learned JH) so if u can please type the word out i would be very grateful. so here is my question...... i have a girlfriend we will make 1 year in oct. but i just found out that she has been cheating on me for 3 weeks. i'm not sure about this, my friend has just told me this. i know i have to ask her if it's true or not but i dont know what to say if she says (1)no i'm not cheating on you or (2) i am cheating on you but i dont care or (3)i am cheating on you and i'm sorry it will never happen again. i would jus like to know what other people wouuld do in my situation. please keep in mind i love her alot! she's my first love. thank you for the advice.

willy_think

Cheaters lie, what does it matter what she has to say? She is looking for your replacement, dump her ass.

The Great and Powerful Oz:

pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

cellomould

The real question is this:
Does she RESPECT you?

Only you know the answer to that. You call it 'cheating', but did you have a mutual agreement to be sexually exclusive?

Oh, and of course, the second, and equally important question:
Do you RESPECT her?

When we talk about 'love', we are talking about feelings, sentiments, emotions, etc. We desire the other person. It may seem natural to expect them to desire us equally and desire no one else. Unfortunately, that is not natural. Nature does not work that way.

If you know what kind of physical relationship (exclusive or non-exclusive) you want with her, then insist that she respects your opinions and needs. You must respect hers as well.

You probably don't know how to feel right now. It must be very uncomfortable. Try to relax, remembering that we are all of the same human animal species. We all want to have our cake and eat it too.

Negotiate peacefully but do not settle for a relationship lacking in respect and trust.

Good luck!

cellomould

'the Earth has enough to satisfy the need of all the people, but not for satisfying the greed of some' Gandhi

enrique

i know that cheaters lie. but she really hasnt lied to me! even though she went and did some thing wrong she hasnt denied it. i havent spoken to her about it yet. i should dump her but i feel a lot towards her. have u ever been in that situation before willy_think? she's my 1st love and it will hurt alot to lose her! if i forgive her does it make me less of a man? do u think she would do it again?

hellraizer67

perhaps you could have a discussion with her about " a friend" who you found out was cheating and see how she responds to that, she may feel guilty and you might be able to tell by her reaction.

enrique

and cellomould you sound very wise. we have a certain respect for eachother, and i am too overprotective towards her. so she feels i dont trust her! but how can i trust a cheater? i have soo much respect for her i just want the same back for me! do you understand how i feel? i'm all confused. this has been the worst week of our relationship. we argued every day of this week. and not little arguements but big one's where we would say bad things and i made her cry a few times but not by saying anything bad! by sayin how i feel towards her, how much love i have. so should i gice her 1 more chance?

enrique

i dont want to ruin our friendship (me and the person that told) b/c he's friends with her too. so i would feel bad 4 saying something. i dont know why but i would. i just dont want to lose her.

cellomould

Enrique,

If she gets enraged because you mention how you feel about something, something for which you need clarification, she just might be hiding something. (Did I use the word 'something' too much? In each case, I meant the same 'something' )

She should be willing to discuss this civilly. Of course, you have to be civil if you expect her to comply. Do not call her names. Do not imply that she is a 'this' or 'that'. If you judge and presume, then you will lose her respect.

But otherwise, you need to make sure the topic is discussed, even if she gets upset about it.

And present your fears and feelings as such. That is perfectly fine. (Much better to say them than to display them in anger.)

cellomould

'the Earth has enough to satisfy the need of all the people, but not for satisfying the greed of some' Gandhi

enrique

ok if i do ask her and she denies the fact that she's cheating what do i do? what if she really isnt cheating? what if she is and doesnt care about me anymore? or she admits and says sorry and she will never do it again? those are the questions that keep coming back into my head. because i wouldnt know how to respond to that. how would you respond to those questions? i'm asking on a serious note, if this was to happen to u how would u answer my questions above????

cellomould

I don't know how I would approach it, actually. You ask very valid questions. All I can add is that it would certainly help to get an idea of what she would do and would not do. And why does she consider cheating bad?

I am sure she has feelings on that. Be a good listener. (Of course I do not mean that you should patronize her...really find out what she thinks.)

Personally, I would prefer to be in an open relationship. That is why I do not know how to answer those questions. But of course a breach of faith is a breach of faith.

cellomould

'the Earth has enough to satisfy the need of all the people, but not for satisfying the greed of some' Gandhi

my girlfriend is cheating on me! what should i do?

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