Online love

by StinkyPantz 62 Replies latest jw friends

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  bitter mango

  i could change my mind tomorrow or next week, or next month on this whole question, but today...

  if the person is completely honest with you and you're with them, then yeah i think you can fall in love with someone (to a certain extent) online (i really think to fall in love with someone COMPLETELY, you need to have some sort of physical contact). but how successful it will turn out is a whole different question...

  *changes subject a bit - forgive me, i'm easily sidetracked *
  i've never fallen IN love but i've definately loved people i met over the net as more than just friends. but i've only had one successful relationship that started out on the net, my last boyfriend.. and i think that's because strangly enough he only lived a few blocks away from me. we didn't have to deal with all the stresses of the whole distance thing (and time) which were the main reasons for my other online relationships to fail (though i've kept great friendships from them). distance is hard enough.. i dated one guy from montreal for awhile and it was really diffucult only seeing him every couple of months...physically being with him for a week here or there and then going back to talking online was terribly annoying. if it had been serious enough, one of us would have moved, but it didn't get that far, i was young and not really into changing my whole life for someone else so of course we ended it. but time can be a huge issue too. i got involved with someone online and we'd planned and planned to hook up for what seems to be forever (DAMN DISTANCE!!!), but by the time we were close enough together to meet everything had changed, we took too long. i'm sure had we met months earlier we would at least be able to say we had a great time together. now, we STILL haven't met, and all i wanna do is drink some beers and watch hockey with the guy !!

  distance and time can be a real whore (though not impossible to overcome). but would i try again??? hell yeah ! because i think just like in "real life" it's possible to meet someone online, love them, meet and live happily ever after. okay, noone lives happily ever after but it sounds nice !
• 

  joannadandy

  I fell in love online once, that was stupid...

  No, it wasn't...I'm just bitter that it didn't work out. And it didn't work out because it was my fault, I wouldn't move to be with him, and he had commitments that made it so he couldn't move to be near me. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been such a hardass, but I know for a fact I was in love, and I sometimes am pretty convinced that was the one that got away...

  I think online can even help a relationship, you aren't relying on physical to get in your way, so you can really get to know someone, yeah I know spoken like an ugly chick, but it is kinda true. How many people have we passed over in a club or other situation based just on looks? I know I have--online it's harder to dismiss people.

  But I agree with other posters, it all depends on honesty.

  Edited by - joannadandy on 19 June 2002 15:26:29
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  terafera

  My brother had some online experiences...

  The first one, told him everything he wanted to hear. They would call each other for hours...she lied and told him she was a cop from his state and they even talked marriage. He would send flowers to an address she gave him.....come to find out it was an abandoned house across from her real house. She was fat *really really obese* with 5 kids..... I guess her husband worked at night. That really burned him....

  He had also been penpal-ing with a girl his age in Holland. After 2 years of writing, she came to visit him twice and they just married a few months ago. They are now in Holland visiting her family and are very much in love.

  So I guess it can and can't happen...just like in real life.

  how insecure he must be that he needs to make women fall in love with him.

  missthedub, how true those words are. I have met many men who dont have much interest in getting to know you, they more want the attention on themselves. I just pity them...how insecure are they...to have to have women shower them with compliments?? A real man can show a sincere interest in others...without ploys of shallowness and cybersex. There are alot of those kinds of punks on the internet, so I think you have to be careful who you let into your life. It would take me a longgggg time to really trust somone online, enough to meet him.

  on a side note, I did meet a wonderful friend online who I never even imagined I would get to know. He's been the most caring, supportive person I've ever met...every email just lifts my day!!

  (((Jack)))

  Edited by - terafera on 19 June 2002 17:22:33
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  Lady Lee

  During the last world war it was actually pretty frequent for women to be penpals with some of the soldiers. Many of those women moved to another country after the war to marry their penpal sweetheart. Many of those couples are still together.

  It seems to me that the internet is the new romance by letter.

  I will say that the possibility of people lying on the net is quite clear. The anonymity permits a level of deception that can hurt people tragically. My daughter discovered her husband was having an on-line relationship with another woman. She felt so betrayed. He had lied to his on-line friend and told her he was single. JMO but I think the fellows who are more likely to lie are the ones who are roving the chat rooms looking for a target. Reality is though that the women lie too. In the end a lot of people will be hurt.

  But some of us will be lucky - very lucky

  BTW my daughter booted the hubby out and has met a wonderful man who really respects he They are waiting for her divorce to be final to get engaged.
• 

  terafera

  Cool, Lady Lee!
• 

  Reborn2002

  Falling in love online is a definite possibility.

  I did a research paper in a communications course on this very topic some time ago.

  Conversing online with individuals is simply an alternative communicative medium. Making friends and acquaintances and even developing romantic relationships online is simply a different method now implemented in our technologically advanced society.

  Since the Internet was created, it has been considered socially taboo to have intimate encounters or actually meet people you talked with online.

  Slowly, this is changing.

  In past decades, it was socially acceptable to meet someone in a bar or coffee shop, or even on a blind date. What is different with the Internet? You are holding casual conversation, know little to nothing about the person in question initially, and must go on blind faith and time spent talking to actually get to know the significant other. People can spend considerable amounts of time online talking to one another, and with this strong bonds can be formed. Granted, there are online horror stories. However, arent bad outcomes a possibility in any relationship no matter how you first met?

  Yes, the two people talking must eventually meet to consummate any intimate relationship, but with countless hours of honest conversation between a male and a female.. even over the Internet, love is a possibility, for true love has no boundaries.
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  Introspection

  Ok, there were a couple of points mentioned here that deserves consideration. First of all, it's been mentioned that honesty is key. Well on that point I say again, how is that different from "real life?" Yes it is easier to size them up in person, but people get dupped there too don't they? It happens all the time. Now you might say it is easier to fool people online, but that all depends on how you approach it. You know the information you get from chat is simply words another person have typed out on another computer out there some where, so why treat it as anything more than that? But again, it can be telling. Even a gullible person can tell if a person is lying if they read between the lines. The thing is if someone is just out to fool someone, to get attention so they feel good about themselves and so on, they can find plenty of stupid people out there who will bite. It may take time to figure things out, and for some it may take longer than others - certainly more time than if you knew them in person, generally speaking - but that's just one of the most basic factors of relationships, on and offline. The key is to try to figure it out rather than spend that time for wishful thinking and wild imaginings, hopefully one would atleast recognize when they start thinking this way, otherwise they got a long way to go and it's frankly a personal problem in that case. I myself have the benefit of experience, having chatted online since the days of dial-up BBSes and 300 baud modems, (before the internet) but I think if you keep a couple things in mind and don't fool yourself it may work a lot better than you thought possible.

  First of all, your chances will be MUCH lower if you go into a dating/romance chat room. Why is that? Because people in those rooms have that on their mind and probably little else. The world is full of people who are lonely and want to hook up with someone, is that the only thing you're looking for in your dream guy/gal?? Go into a room with a real subject matter, something you're interested in. Basically, it's just a matter of looking for more than a man or woman who wants to meet someone. After all, I'm sure most of us have other criteria beyond that simple fact. And if you really want to meet quality people, give up the idea of meeting someone for romance, atleast temporarily. If you don't want to limit yourself to your personal interests, go into other rooms which you may not be particularly interested in but something which is atleast a reasonably intellegent subject. Why not "widen out" in that way? (hehe, sorry I couldn't resist)

  This of course also goes for real life. If you go to some kind of pick-up joint, there's no telling who you'll meet. This is why I say it doesn't really matter whether it's online or off, because even if you see a groovy guy or gal in all their physical magnificence, if what you're looking for is someone you can have a relationship with then that doesn't mean a whole lot does it? Now mind you, I do think being in a person's physical presence is very important, but the fact is if you don't know how to interpret the information correctly then it doesn't matter if it is up close and personal. In a way it is worse, because you might be so overwhelmed with sensory stimulation that your mind takes a vacation.

  In fact, isn't it true that some people just keeps screwing themselves over with "real life" relationships? Self-deception is self-deception. We can keep pointing the finger at people who screwed us over, or even point to the circumstances in which we were screwed, but until we change that part of ourselves which allows that to happen we'll always be screwed. Sound like any other experience you've gone through?

  * took out the don't.. ahh sorry I confused myself! damn duality..

  Edited by - Introspection on 19 June 2002 23:26:3

  Edited by - Introspection on 20 June 2002 0:4:22
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  Lady Lee

  exactly
• 

  jack2

  This has been a very enjoyable thread, with some very interesting views and experiences posted...sadly, not all the experiences were good.

  I&P, once again, great cartoon, love the little dough boy. :)

  I have sought, not romance, but friendship, online, primarily here; it's great having the jw experience in common, even though for so many it's been a bad experience, sadly. I am happy to say that I have met some fine folks here! I have had some great chats with friends and have been working on some very satisfying friendships. There are friends here that I've shared laughs with and whom I can honestly say I trust. Building trust online is not the easiest thing in the world, but it is definitely possible.

  Tera, thank you so much! And the feeling is completely mutual....it just goes to show how great an online friendship can be!

  jack
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  joannadandy

  Wow Reborn, very well said...