How Do You Discipline YOUR Kids? (page 2)

Angharad

My two are aged 5 and nearly 3

I think the consistancy thing is the major one - as they just get confused otherwise.

Depriving them of something works best for ours too. Also especially with my youngest Dylan who is still in the terrible twos stage you have to follow through with your threats. Like the other week we were are a mum and toddler playgroup that he goes to everyweek. This day he was being a complete brat and pushed another kid , so I said if you do that again you will go home, he went stright back to this kid a pushed him again - so I scooped him up, strapped him into the pram and went home - he didnt moan at all until I got home and I shut the front door and then he actually realized that he wasnt going back. He threw the mother of all tantrum's but now when we go there if he starts to play up all I have to say is you will go home and he stops. It annoys the hell out of me when I see other parents saying things like dont do that or else ..... but they never actually follow through with the threat and the kids carrys on regardless.

Edited by - angharad on 20 June 2002 12:50:5

HomebutHiding

I, of course, never had children of my own, because I was faithful to the command to wait until the new order (like faithful sons of Noah). I love my husband, and tho i have known his kids for about 2 years, I can't say I am much more than fond of them. Therapist said that first marriages start out way up high and deteriorate, but stepfamily marriages (those that are determined to survive) start at the bottom, and have nothing to do but get better. It takes 3-4 years to feel comfortable...like a REAL family. We are closing out our first year,only. The kids are not bad people. In all honesty, the difficulty is mine. i am having a devil of a time adjusting to kids, new marriage, no org., college, and being an independent 45 yr old woman. Too many changes, too close together. i don't want to mess up. And I definitely don't want to do anything that could hurt the kids.

MrMoe

Dana -

Moe, I wouldn't flame you or anyone else for using a parenting style different from mine. Cool thing is, we all have choices and have to figure out what fits with our own personal philosophies and our children, what is most effective for us as families. BTW, I thought your daughter was a well behaved little sweetheart.

Awwwww, thanks! You sound like a great mom!!! Emmie is a cool kid. Thing is, it is so very rare for me to swat Emmie it is not even funny - less than I can count on my hands that is for sure. Some of my post was dripping with a bit of dry sarcasm, but I am pretty sure I will be flamed for thinking a soft swat on the butt is a good thing.

LB - You are right - I am actually venting a bit because of these horrible brats that are living with me. I am about ready to go nuts. My carpet and walls are trashed from their grubby dirty bodies and I say over and over again please wear shoes, please stop fingering up my walls, please pick up your mess and NOTHING. The parents instead are getting annoyed with ME!!!! IN MY HOUSE AND THEY ARE NOT PAYING ME A FREAKIN DIME!!! IGNORANT &*%#@!!!

I myself was switched with thorny branches, yard sticks, belts, hairbrushes, and I cannot even imagine harming Emmie in such a manner. I simply don't get beating a child and inflicting pain. Like mentioned before discipline in any form done with anger is not cool with me.

Hugs and Kisses,

Amanda

Edited by - MrMoe on 20 June 2002 11:7:17

closer2fine

MrMoe - you have my total support!

I too 'spank' (two swats with my hand on a diapered butt). My two year old knows the limits & when she is told to do something & doesn't she gets till the count of three to get started. When in public she knows that if she misbehaves I will swat her there too - no hiding behind other 'witnesses'. I also use other forms of discipline. If we are at a park or playing with other kids - if she misbehaves I ask her if it is time to go home because the way she is acting is telling me that it is. She says no, stops the behavior and goes about playing. As a parent there are so many forms of discipline that you use & just one wouldn't work. I am lenient when she is over tired (my fault for keeping her out too late or past naptime), in pain due to teething, or is sick.

Having said all this, I rarely have to spank. She knows I'm serious about it. After any type of discipline we hug & talk about it. I tell her I love her but what she did was naughty. She then tells me what she did that was naughty & says "I sorry mommy."

She is pretty well behaved - but at 2, I recognize her limits and try not to expect too much out of her.

TR

DAMN, Moe! I KNEW you were the one for me! Don't tell Tink, though.

My kids got whoopins when they were smaller. One smack on the ass, or the sight of me walking towards them to whoop usually did the trick. They are 18, 16, and 14 now and I haven't spanked any of them in 10 years or so. However, the 14 and 16 year olds are starting to get mouthy, especially the 14 year old. She generally goes to her mom when she wants something, because if bugged enough, mom will cave in. I HATE that! They know that I am easy going and will generally let them do what they want IF chores are done and it's not an unreasonable request. However, if it's something I don't agree with, the answer is NO, and that's that. I feel terrible sometimes, but I have to be a parent before a friend.

Here is my philosophy:
1. Kids are not dumb so don't treat them like they are
2. Stop caving in, you are the boss not your kids
3. Have a heart and don't be too harsh
4. Read to your kids, talk to them, show them love
5. Be consistent with your yes and no -- a huge key factor here
6. Communicate
7. Teach them common manners and respect for others and themselves
8. And if all else fails, for gawd's sake stop taking your brats in public... JUST JOKING

I completely agree. Let's get married.

TR

MrMoe

closer2fine - Amen Sister!

TR - What should I wear?

She generally goes to her mom when she wants something, because if bugged enough, mom will cave in.

That is one thing I can be grateful for as a single parent -- non of this playing-both-ends-against-the-middle non-sense!!!

Kisses,

Moe

Englishman

We were very gentle with our 3 lads. Maybe we were very lucky! The only thing we did for discipline was to withold something when they behaved badly, such as no TV or reduced pocket money.Maybe we would not let them out to play for an hour or 2 if they were really awful.

I learnt early on that the key is not to get upset with them, but to just be as matter of fact as possible when the bad behavior needed stopping.

Englishman.

Angharad

Just to add - What I posted above works best for mine at the moment when temper tantrums are the major problem, but I suppose as they get older there will be different problems which we will need to deal with in different ways. Liam my eldest is just getting to the answering back stage and it is driving me nuts - I have to walk out the room sometimes havnt worked out how to deal with that one yet!

We have on occassion smacked our kids too, but only when they have been really bad.

Ironically as I sit here typing this they have just started fighting with each other ARRRGGGHHHH

HomebutHiding

TR....Bump suggestion #5 to position #1, and your list is perfect. Take the brats in public, if you like, just don't let them sit behind me! Chair kicking...uuugggghhh!

TR

Moe,

what should you wear.....hmmmm....well, you'll just have to model some stuff and send me the pics!

Fortunately, if I'm in earshot of the whining, my wife doesn't cave, cause she knows I'll back her up, and the kids won't piss and moan to their mom in front of me. The kids know that their mom and dad communicate about things, so the caving in is rare, fortunately. Thats just it, BOTH parents have to agree or the kids will manipulate them.

TR

How Do You Discipline YOUR Kids?

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