"My Child is Dead"

by Lee Elder 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lee Elder
    Lee Elder

    This morning we published a very moving story written by a Jehovah's Witness whose 15-year-old son died supporting the Watchtower's Society blood policy. To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time a JW parent has gathered up the courage to face down this monstrous policy after losing their child. This is a very special person indeed and when we finally gather enough of these folks together and set them in front of the right attorney, the WTS will be in for some serious litigation.

    At present Mary is in the midst of divorce from her JW husband and nailing down a custody agreement, so the identity of her and her son must remain anonymous. Once that is over, we will publish a photo and additional details.

    Mary's sincere hope, and ours, is that her story will be widely circulated on the internet and that it will hopefully help to open the eyes of other JW parents so that they can avert this kind of tragedy in their lives. Additionally, we hope that other parents whose children have been injured or died because of this policy will find the courage to come forward and tell their stories.

    The full text of the story can be read at AJWRB: http://www.ajwrb.org/experiences/mary.shtml

    or below.

    My Child is Dead.

    My son was theocratic - bright and promising and a true servant of Jehovah. He dreamed of going to Bethel to serve Jehovah more fully. He prepared for meetings on his own, pioneered during summer breaks, handled the microphones at the Kingdom Hall, and timed the student talks for the Ministry School Overseer. He even gave talks at assemblies. We were so proud!

    He was 15 years old and in the 9th grade when he and another young Witness were in a terrible auto accident. The other boy was driving my son home from the Sunday meeting when he raced the car, lost control and flipped. I was a faithful Witness for 29 years, and my husband and I trained our son to refuse blood transfusions. He told the ambulance drivers, "No blood!" and he said it again at the first hospital before he became unconscious. When he was air lifted to the trauma center, he was immediately transfused because he was unconscious and a minor.

    By then, however, a lot of time had passed and there had been severe internal bleeding that had damaged his heart and other organs. When we arrived at the trauma center, the doctor told us that he had little chance of survival without blood transfusions, and that they had given him several units when he arrived. This angered my husband a great deal but I said nothing. Secretly, I had hoped the doctors would give him blood despite our wishes if a transfusion could save his life. The doctor said they restarted his heart twice and that gave us a glimmer of hope but twenty minutes later, with tears in his eyes, the doctor said they couldn't restart his heart a third time - he had died.

    My husband and my two other sons and I cried and cried and cried. I have never known such anguish and physical pain! I wanted to die. The pain was unbearable. I kept thinking, "Would he have lived if he got blood at the first hospital?" A spiral of profound change began in my life.

    When you see your child lying wrapped in a white sheet, their pale lifeless face - there is no comfort. I will be forever carrying that picture of my son in my mind - wearing the face of death. No words can touch that place where your heart is dying. The hope of the resurrection means nothing when you can't see or touch the living-breathing child that filled your life with joy. Never seeing them smile at you, laugh with you, or give you a hug ever again in the days to come. Never hearing them say, "I love you" again. I've suffered pain, but nothing compared to the pain of losing my beloved son. Your whole body becomes sickened with the most horrible physical pain one can feel. I've suffered pain, but nothing compared to the pain of losing a child.

    I pray that any Jehovah's Witness who has children and reads this will never have to face such a loss such as mine. A loss that can be prevented if they have a true understanding of what the Watchtower Society is asking them to sacrifice.
    After my son had died, I realized my nagging doubts about the Watchtower's blood policies needed to fully investigated. Hadn't I just lost a child for these purportedly God given laws I had lived by for 29 years?

    I soon learned that over the years the Witnesses have changed many teachings about blood and that the Governing Body was about to change more of its blood doctrines. Why are some parts of blood permitted when others not? Where did they find this in the Bible? In addition, if the Bible says nothing about transfusions, how can the Governing Body say with certainty that blood transfusions are wrong in Jehovah's eyes? How could I forgive those men for my son's death? The men of the Governing Body have the blood of many innocents on their hands. They who taught us falsely in God's name are accountable to him.

    My heart is completely broken - my child is dead. I beg of you who read my story, don't let this happen to you. Educate yourself now before you are faced with a similar tragedy. If any child can be saved by their parents thinking now rather than after they lose their child, perhaps my son's death will not have been for nothing.

    You may contact Mary: [email protected]

  • hawkaw
    hawkaw

    ....ummmmm .... Lee .... I hate to say this. God I hate to say this.

    ....a lot of time had passed and there had been severe internal bleeding that had damaged his heart and other organs ....

    What did the medical examiner say was the cause of death and HAS ANY DOCTOR gone out on a LIMB and stated that if the boy had a transfusion either in the Ambulance or at the first hospital he would live?

    As much as I feel for Mary, I am sorry to say that I would urge you NOT to post this story until you get this information. Why? Well the story hinges on the cause of death and the pre-care before the second hospital.

    Also, as you know a hospital must look after youngsters. The doctors MUST over ride any parent or young child wishes because they are a "minor". Thus, if there was culpability, then culpability would rest with the first hospital for not giving the "minor" the proper care before transfer. And the culpablity would be more than with the WTS or the parents (who would also be just as responsible as the WTS in this case).

    hawk

    Edited by - hawkaw on 20 June 2002 12:48:51

  • dungbeetle
    dungbeetle

    As a nurse-in-training, I did a lot of my clinical in the neurological ward of a big hospital. Where the children were, there were several who were comatose. They maintain these unnatural body positions, and they are on mechanical breathing devices among other things. I asked the head nurses what was wrong with them.

    She said "Near drowning victims".

    Yes, you can pluck children from icy cold water after twenty minutes and bring them back to life and all, but this is not an uncommon result.

    So too, in the cases where life-saving blood is given too late. At room temperaute, the major body organs can only last so long without precious oxygen that only blood can carry. After FINALLY getting blood into that body, the process of damage MIGHT be stopped, but delay and delay will result in damage just like those near-drowned children. In many cases, oxygen has been deprived for far too long; the organs are permanently damaged without precious oxygen.

    again, Watchtower LOVES to brag about all their elcetive/planned surgical interventions, which does NOTHING for

    (1) trauma victims and

    (2) MOST JW's who live in areas of the world where they have no access to training and equipment.

    God may not be a respecter of persons but Watchtower certainly is. Hmmpph...

  • LDH
    LDH

    Lee give Mary a HUG for me.

    Lisa

  • hawkaw
    hawkaw

    That's my point dung.

    I want to read that in a coroner or doctor's report or at least to get Mary to confirm that in her letter. And I hope Mary has that and Lee sees it before he posts his article on the AJWRB site.

    And if it is true, (as pissed off as I am for saying this) the delay might be the fault of the first hospital for NOT following their procedures of protecting the "minor" - in this case a 15 year old - from the WTS's wishes as well as the parents wishes that were taught to him!!!

    hawk

  • XandersEvilTwin
    XandersEvilTwin

    I understand what you are saying Hawk, but, really, would the first hospital's following procedure in overriding the kids wishes or not following it have made any difference at all if the kid didn't TELL them 'no blood'?

    Obviously, then, the first guilty party was the WTBTS for, without their brainwashing, none of the other events that led to his death could have occurred.

  • Sabine
    Sabine
    Well the story hinges on the cause of death and the pre-care before the second hospital.

    This is probably true for legal purposes. For me, the feelings of a mother that lost her child and feels the guilt and anguish that her religious choices caused her child's death is what I can relate to...nothing could be worst.

    If you read this (((Mary))), I'm so sorry.

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    Hi Hawk, what if they find out that his death would have occurred whether or not he had a transfusion of blood. Does that really matter? It seems to me that what matters is that he was trained not to accept a blood transfusion and for that point alone the story is one that should give us pause. This story can also serve as a lesson to others who encounter emergencies and that lesson is that the watchtower has an indecisive blood policy, the blood policy that they teach is not biblical and if a transfusion of blood is the only thing that can save your life or that of a loved one, then put aside what you thought was the truth and preserve life.

  • Incense_and_Peppermints
    Incense_and_Peppermints

    this is beyond a tragedy... mary had doubts at that point: "When we arrived at the trauma center, the doctor told us that he had little chance of survival without blood transfusions, and that they had given him several units when he arrived. This angered my husband a great deal but I said nothing. Secretly, I had hoped the doctors would give him blood despite our wishes if a transfusion could save his life..."

    her husband was angry that the son had already received several untis of blood. this isn't someone putting oil into your car without your permission, it's your child for chrissakes. mary secretly hoped they would give him more blood. if she felt that way, maybe making her wishes spoken aloud would have made a difference. the travesty is that respect for religious doctrine outweighs everything else, even human life - the precious life of our beloved children. (or parental authority/rights for that matter). i suppose their only solace is that "they will see their son again in the new system".... this is what makes the watchtower society so scary and evil.

    i bet mary wishes she could go back to that moment and say give him the blood he's going to live even if he wakes up and hates me even if the wts casts me out my son is going to live. i want to weep for her. i would not want to go on living if anything happened to my son, plain and simple.

    ;_;

  • obiwan
    obiwan

    Words can't explain how sad I am for her and her family,how tragic.

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