I LOVED MY WIFE ...... (1)

by Bhagavad 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Bhagavad
    Bhagavad

    But now she's gone ...... from breast cancer a couple of years ago. We prayed and prayed to Jehovah in Jesus' name: the "Ask anything in my name" Jesus. We asked Jehovah, not to cure her miraculously, because that's what people pray for in Tent Revival Meetings. We were better than that. WE were JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!!! We Stooooood Up In Fearrrrlessnessssssss ...... We asked to simply help us find a treatment that would at least help her to have a few more years. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO ...... guess that number was no longer in service.

    So I started to deduce that "Ask anything in my name" was a fraudulent statement, and that Jehovah, while he might be the "Hearer of prayer," just hears and hears and hears and does nothing. Strange observation to make about One who supposedly is in charge of everything, all the way down to atomic, subatomic, and who-knows-what-else kinds of particles.

    I'm happy now that I made the observation in an earlier post about how maybe Jesus got all his stuff from Buddha, and maybe never was really THE Son of God but just another insightful but imperfect MAN, like Paramahansa Yogananda, Gandhi, etc etc etc et etc etc etc etc ....................

    I just found a photo of her I did not know I had. It shows her with a big radiant face a few months before the end. She, as I, did not yet suspect that our prayers were not going to be acted upon. I now have a candle in front of it near some India paraphernalia I got at the Self-Realization Shrine. I just have my Aim-A-Flame at the ready, but have not yet lit the candle to commit a False Religious Act. But doing so will allay some grief, just as has my simply setting up the photo. She would be really angry at me for doing that. The congregation would throw me out into the street. But I do feel that now I'm experiencing more of a loving-kindness attitude in myself toward others than I had while a JW. That's telling me some things I had not imagined before.

    Edited by - Bhagavad on 21 June 2002 16:47:20

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Very sorry to hear about your wife. It is hard to accept things like that, hard to find the answers as to "why"?

  • nita6368
    nita6368

    Very sorry to hear about your loss...I wish you peace of mind and heart to get through this time.

  • SYN
    SYN

    So sorry to hear about that...wish you well! And we the people of JWD are always here for you should you need to talk! My email is open to all!

  • writerpen
    writerpen

    Bhagavad, sorry to hear of your pain. I left the borg last August and since then have come to realize what Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John wrote were just that - what Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John wrote. People swear the Bible is God's Word. I believe this phrase to be metaphorical and not literal. If it were literal, then why don't they say that it is God's Word(s)?

    Since opening my mind to the belief that the Bible is a book that helps a person to focus on God, but was written by men with their limited views in mind, I experienced a much greater and satisfying relationship with God. Now, God is Mother God to me, being that I've always wanted a mom so bad. In fact, I call God, Mama God. It has become so normal in my language that I refer to Her that way in front of other people simply because that is my relationship with Her. I finally felt comfortable doing this because I expanded my idea of the Bible outside of the male dominated society that men of ancient allowed to influence their writings. God is not gender oriented and therefore wants us to view Her as we need for our inner selves. God is concerned about us individually. Just because men wrote "ask anything in my name" does not mean that is what God intended, it's what men wrote in a book about God.

    I think you would enjoy Marcus Borg's, Reading the Bible Again for the First Time. I feel confident that if you read this book, your perception of God would expand far beyong what is written in the Bible.

    As for your previous wife. I truly believe she is looking down upon you now and hoping that you will find love again.

    With warmest compassion,

    Tara

  • LDH
    LDH

    B,

    Welcome to the board if I have not already said it.

    Ya know, my time's gonna come one day. Later rather than sooner I hope. I guess when it's all said and done, I will count myself to be lucky to have been loved by spouse and children.

    I'm sure your wife knew you loved her, and I'm equally sure it made passing over that much easier for her. When we lose someone we love so dearly, in a way our feelings are selfish. "How could that one leave me?"

    Tomorrow is promised to no one. Thank you for that reminder.

    Love,

    Lisa

  • Angharad
    Angharad

    So sorry for your loss (((((Bhagavad))))).

    Edited by - angharad on 21 June 2002 17:19:37

  • Cassiline
    Cassiline

    {{{{{{{{Bhagavad}}}}}}}}}

    Sorry for your loss and your pain that shows in your post. Welcome to the board. Looking foward to reading more of your posts.

    Warm thoughts sent your way.

  • Wendy
    Wendy

    {{{{{{{{Bhagavad}}}}}}}}}

    I am so sorry for your loss. As for the Shrine etc, I am not familiar with those teachings. My suggestion to you is to do whatever you must to ease your heart. There are many ways to heal, and this is just one of them. Good luck on your journey.

    wendy

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    I am so sorry to hear about your wife.

    I lost my husband to a disease just over a year ago and so I can imagine how you feel. Death is so final, so permanent, it's hard to come to grips with at times. Anyway, you will always have your memories and so she stays alive in your heart.

    Light your candle. If it gives you any peace at all, she would want you to have that.

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