It sounds like you are handling it fine. I think it is better to let him pursue his interests as long as you are involved in what he is doing and thinking. At least to the point where you can help him see different view points and not just that of JWs. Friendships are valuable, it sounds like you already recognize this.
My Son is Going Back
by IslandWoman 14 Replies latest jw friends
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orangefatcat
Island Woman, when I left my 21 year old son was still at home with his father, my son had choices to make and the truth was not difficult for him not to choose as he had seen so much hypocricy in the congregation and he said he wanted no part of it. I know that this upset his father, howerer I knew my son was like me and saw deep done all the two faced individuals for what they were, including family. He hated the way my husband treated me and he despised the way my sisters and mother treated me. so for my son the idea of going on in the organization was not in his plans even though he has still friends in. He is in association with a few and they know he will never return and they don't pressure him. In fact he tries to show them how lousy the WTS is. I think with time your son will see for himself as he gets a little older that people are not as they always apprear to be. So don't worry too much about it. I am sure he will see the light.
Good luck!! Orangefatcat (Terry)
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TweetieBird
IslandWoman, I am in exactly the same place as you. My 16-year old son started back to the meetings a few months ago to be with his friends and cousins. I thought it would be a phase, but I was wrong. He wanted to get baptized at this summers district convention but my husband and I put our foot down. We told him that when he turns 18, if he still wants to get baptized then that would be his choice and no one will be able to stop him.
Lately, he has started missing some meetings and I don't think he's been out in service in over a month. He got a summer job which has really started to change him a bit. He's frantically saving for a car and I suspect that once he has his regular drivings license and car, he may not be so interested in the meetings.
My husband and I also have made it clear to him that he WILL graduate from high school (no home-schooling for him like his older brothers) and he WILL definitely be going to college.
Edited by - TweetieBird on 26 June 2002 8:34:53
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Sentinel
I did have a bit of a shock about six years ago. My son, who was in his mid twenties at the time, called me and exclaimed that he had finally found the right place of worship. For a slip second, I freaked, but tried not to show it.
The horrible thought came to me, was that he had gone back to JW's.
He had been born while I was df'd and the guilt of everything, and the fact that family and friends were gone from my life was nearly unbearable. I was married to his father, who had no interest whatsoever in getting involved in any religion. (smart guy)
I did raise Brad as a little JW. We went to meetings and assemblies. BUT, I drew the line in certain areas. I didn't want him to have the fear of armegeddon like I had, and I wanted him to enjoy his youth and not live such a restrictive life. It worked for awhile, until he started regular school. They were priming him to be on the Ministry School, and I thought he was too young. But, at nearly every meeting, someone was coming up to him and suggesting that he join. This was an irritation to me.
He eventually did join, when he was about eight yrs old. He gave a couple little "talks", and everyone praised him, but I still felt like he was too young to know what he wanted to do. I could just see them trying to "clone" him, and I then decided to really back away myself. I had been sitting on the fence, just staying in to have family and friends. When they really began messing with his head, I pulled away fast. But, of course, he had some friends there at the hall, and he had been associating with families with kids his age. Anyway, I just "stopped". When I stopped, he had no more influence. I replaced his little friends, with new friends from other areas, and I made certain that he began to take part in school functions, like dances, etc.
I wondered if I'd gotten him out in time. I didn't want to mess him up. I wanted him to just have time to grow up and then decide for himself. For years, he didn't think about religion. There was too much else going on in our lives.
Then, I got that call, and wow, my insides knotted up. But, then he told me that he had done his own searching and had found a church that he liked and a minister that he could talk to, AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH JW'S. In fact it is just one of your normal, regular, mainstream religions. I breathed a sigh of relief...
Although we differ now on many issues, as I do not have a religion and don't care to be a part of any organized offiliation, I am spiritual. He understands that, and we both respect each other's views. I'm so thankful that he didn't slip back into the borg. It's out there, just waiting to grab another innocent person.
All you can do is be supportive of your son's choice. He is still young, and basically, as long as the two of you can still openly discuss the cultish aspects, and the doctrinal differences, then you will still be able to influence him. I wish you the best. It must be very difficult.
Love and Light,
Karen/Sentinel
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IslandWoman
Thank you all for sharing your experiences and for the kind words of encouragement.
My son will also not be allowed to get baptized before he turns 18. I feel bad for him because he lives in two worlds right now. At home there is the xJW world at the KH the JW world, a group of friends that I too loved and still do. Problem is that it's like learning to juggle with hot potatoes. He loves them but if he's not careful he will get burned.
My efforts will go towards helping him get back and keep what he sincerely wants which is good relationships with old friends.
It does help to know some are experiencing a similar problem and also the advice given by others here was very much appreciated.
Thanks again,
IW