Confusion / A Thorny Thought

by Xandria 10 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Xandria

  Growing up in the JW religion (if you can call it that) was soo confusing. The terror tactics have left scars on my sisters, brother and myself. The abuse we suffered also left indelable images and memories. I have trust issues .. as I see many here have. The paranoid theme is rapant on many of these postings.. AFRAID that the Elders, Society and so forth is going to scout them out and destroy them. Which sadly in many cases if you are found out they punish.

  This is not a way to live. Living in fear is not living at all.

  How many here have mis~truths they believed as GOSPEL fact only to find out they were not fully true ?

  Laugh or not when I was little I strongly believed that the NEW EARTH was to be on the moon. ( go ahead and snicker)

  My sisters were scared to death of Jehovah and his terrible wrath. They saw the abuse and beatings I took and still wonder to this day why I am not on Prozac or worse in a mental hospital. I have physical scars as well as mental scars.

  How many people here live in fear of losing family, friends because they don't believe the same as someone else ?

  My Aunt who still is a dub.. lost a son to a fire.. for years she shunned him and now she will never have that time back. But then she is comforted that in the New World they will see these people again. But isn't it CLEAR in the bible that you are to love your neighbor.. to love your enemies, and so on ?

  There are contridictions in this. How can you love one person and hate another ?

  An if Jehovah is the one who takes vengence and judges.. then why does the Elders take it upon themselves to be .. the imperfect vessels of his judgement. If they are imperfect they have no place speaking for Jehovah.

  Any way.. yes yes .. I know I am an APOSTATE for asking these questions. But if we are to have a "relationship" with our heavenly father and know him .. then why can't we ask these questions so we can know him for our selves instead of being spoon fed on what someone wants you to know of him ? Hummmm is it because they are afraid if we knew him for ourselves that we would not need them any more to speak for him ?

  .o0( inquiring minds wanna know.)

  "Oh what a tangle web we weave when we practice to decieve". William Shakespeare

  Xandria

  ps: the eye in my profile represents the way everyone watches you in the KH and Society. Looking for anything and everything to judge you upon.

  The above is how I have been ..walking in reflextion.
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  SYN

  Welcome to the board!

  The New System on the Moon? Rutherford must have been drinking hard when he prophesied (SP?) that! It would be great to jump 10 feet per step in field service, tho. Oh, dang, there won't be any field service in the New System!
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  Perfection Seeker

  HI! This is a very intersting post! YES YES YES- I only found out recently how much the Witnesses changed the bible. I had no idea! There are SO many things that I took as truth- but man- now that I look into it- wow- what a world of difference! AND, I always was afraid to say things that were "APOSTATE" and chose my words carefully- only to find out the TRUE meaning of Apostacy is saying there is no GOD. If we were born into the faith & never questioned it- was it really our faith? I "became" a witness by my parents studying when I was 5. So, it was just old hat- NEVER questioned it- then one day when I did- WOW! NO WAY! Our minds become "dull" and just go with it- but once we take off the blinders- don't you wonder how you EVER believed ANY of it?!?! This website is the best therapy I have ever had. Had I found it in 1995- maybe I wouldn't have had two suicide attempts, and over $8000 in therapy bills. VERY HELPFUL!
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  Gopher

  Perfection seeker,

  Welcome to the board! So glad you're loving it out here.. It was great for me too when I really needed understanding, desperately!

  Xandria,

  "Beware of independent thinking!" That's what they told you when you were a JW! But, as has been pointed out by others here, what OTHER kind of thinking is there?? Dependent thinking? That's merely following, not thinking.

  So by using your GOD-GIVEN gift of thinking, the JW's say you are AGAINST GOD. I guess they're the ones not thinking too clearly!! If you think too much, you might end up outside the organization, and insanely unhappy? Oh poor you, no hope for the future, and the end so close at hand! (LOL)
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  bitter mango

  hi xandria! welcome to the board .

  i've never been a witness but i relate to a lot of the issues that the people on this board have dealt with and are still dealing with (lack of trust, fear of certain people, abuse, etc.) and i wanted to give you a hug *hugs* . this will be a good place for you to find people who understand, sympathize and SUPPORT you!
  

  But if we are to have a "relationship" with our heavenly father and know him .. then why can't we ask these questions so we can know him for our selves instead of being spoon fed on what someone wants you to know of him ?

  excellent point!!

  enjoy your stay .

  p.s. i see by your profile pic you are a fan of tool... YAY!
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  joannadandy

  How many people here live in fear of losing family, friends because they don't believe the same as someone else ?

  Daily! I still worry that I might do or say something that will get my parents to shun me. So far they have not, and I believe that they wouldn't. But I still worry.

  And even tho, I was not Df'd or Da'd and did NOTHING WRONG, other than I stopped going to meetings. I panic when I see someone I know. Generally they pretend not to see me, and I pretend not to see them. Sometimes we might smile and say hello, but that is it. It's very akward and hard. The other day I was in a bookstore with a friend of mine, who happens to be male, and saw a lady who used to go to my congregation. Granted I have never had a relationship with this man other than friendship, but I freaked out. He was not even near me at the time, but I worried he would come over to me while she was nearby. She was one who we pretended not to see each other, and as soon as she was out of sight, I told him I wanted to leave. I didn't tell him why. And how utterly STUPID, that i should run, when I had done nothing wrong. But I worried that rumor mill would begin and before you know it I would be shacked up with a worldly guy and fathering his children according to the congregation presses. And that's the LAST thing I need my parents to hear. I already know they don't have a lot of trust for me (even tho I have never lied to them, nor done anything wrong)

  I hope someday, the panic, and paranoid feelings of being seen by an elder will some day go away. But as for right now that is not the case.
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  Perfection Seeker

  Joannadandy- I can't believe how your reply was close to how I feel! Isn't it a shame we always look over our shoulders & have to worry how it "LOOKS" to others? I was talking to my sister yesterday about how in our congregation, if a man & woman were alone out in service or dropping one off- one would sit in the backseat. Now, tell me how THAT looked to ANYONE looking at it? Almost suspicious! What are they all afraid of? If a man & a woman are sitting by each other in a car-they'd have sex or something? If two people want to- they will- front seat, or back seat :-)
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  ignored_one

  Perfection Seeker.

  I also noticed how much they've changed the bible or taken it out of context.

  I've recently started reading the bible on it's own.

  I'd read the book of Acts a week or two before the last public talk I went to. Well, I wasn't paying much attention to the speaker, pretty boring as per usual, but my ears pricked up when I heard him say something regarding the book of Acts that was blatantly false.

  It was weird to suddenly notice how they do it.

  Ignored One.
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  bad_associashun

  ahhh Xandria,

  you are not reading your magazines! The elders are no longer 'imperfect vessels of Jehovah's judgement'. They are royalty- see Aug 1 WT.

  perfectionseeker- you brought back to my mind the times a brother had to find someone's kid to cart along with us in service because we were the only 2 out that afternoon, and he didn't want things to 'look bad' or 'stumble anyone'- Funny, I always wanted to respond to any accusations, "We were out serving Jehovah- what exactly were YOU thinking??"
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  Xandria

  GROAN!!! you mean they are now ROYALTY !!!! sheesh I knew they were royal pains in the back side but this is ridiculous.

  It is sad to me that they can hold entire families in bondage by fear. It is utterly ill. I can truely see why some of the people I know .. that have come out of the "faith" and have joined the WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM ( believe me they are not crime bosses).

  Living in fear of something is not really being able to live at all. I have seen what crippling fear can do to a human being.

  It took me standing up to that fear and conquering it .. for me to be free. An I hope one day you too will be able to live your lives without looking over your shoulder. Or feeling oppressed by what others may assume of you.

  If we can help each other .. I think we will be stronger for it. Who calls it the borg.. ? Well resistance is not futile. It just takes Knowledge ..to de-assimulate from the borg.