Julian,
I tend to agree with your post. Relationships are much more than a piece of paper. The paper is a way of tracking people and their offspring. It's part of the arrangement of this society. Having that piece of paper to say you are "legally married" is a form of manipulating masses so that their offspring won't be caught up in the stigma of being born "out of wedlock". It is another one of those early Christian dogmas.
I hardly believe the earliest of man had such a piece of paper. No doubt when a commitment was made, both parties simply agreed between themselves to honor it. And, families were grouped together, and for the most part were marrying into other families. Families have a way of dealing with their own in these matters, especially where duty and responsibility are clear. As society changes, so do the laws.
The place where I work every day is a place where couples continuously arrive to "get that piece of paper". Some are serious about it. Others act like it's an obligation because of pregnancy. Others can't keep a straight face and laugh all the way through the generic method of the ceremony. Others are obviously marrying so they can stay in this country. It should be personal choice, and you shouldn't be judged for not doing it. I have know many couples that have stayed together for many years, till death, in fact, without the benefit of a "ceremony and a piece of paper". Most of us tend to conform to be accepted. And, most of it revolves around the laws of this society.
And, then there are those who marry, spending lots of money on the whole event. They opt out after the first little rift in their "paradise". Marriage means different things to different people. Who knows what it will be even ten years from now. There are many who marry at the Court Clerk's office, rather than deal with all the stuff that goes on in a church or a religious ceremony.
Even if a young woman has a child or children out of wedlock, she bears the full responsibility if she opts not to marry the father. He may already be married. He may not want the responsibility that comes with day to day care of young babies or children. The woman who decides to have her children takes on a lot. A piece of paper would not change the mind of someone who is not ready to handle the job of being a mate or a parent. Paying child support is a very small portion of that duty. A piece of paper would not change anything. Marrying a person for all the wrong reasons never works out in the end. And, if you are in a relationship for a period of time, the law still recognizes you as common-law mates.
I think its better to take your time and be certain. No one should judge another person unless they've walked in their shoes, and who of us can really do that. It takes about five minutes to get married, and a VERY long time and a good bit of money to get out of it with a divorce. Not to mention all the damage that people do to each other emotionally. Children get damaged anyway. We cannot protect them from life. Life happens sooner or later. We can be loving in everything we do, and treat others the way we'd like to be treated in return, and that's about it.
It's hard for parents to let go and allow their grown children to be themselves--even after they've had relationships, been married, had children, whatever. Parents just keep trying to control, and that just makes for a bitter relationship. These babies are their grandchildren.....they need to just relax and accept and be very loving. They should respect you. Each of us has to be prepared to accept responsibility for our choices in life. We all make mistakes.
Life isn't easy, but it beats the alternative...
Karen/Sentinel
