by erasescars 16 Replies latest jw friends
Erasescars,
Your friend is truly blessed to have a friend like you :-)
Hang in there with her- she's been through alot. What "outsiders" don't realize, the BS they feed you when your "in" is that if you ever leave, there is NO hope for you, since the witnesses are the one & only direct link to god. If your friend is on this site, then she will find help & guidance, as will you, if you continue to read & educate yourself.
Wishing you & your friend much happiness,
Melissa :-)
Perfection Seeker:
Thanks for your words. I will continue to occassionally visit the site in support of my friend and to learn as long as it is helpful....to her. Once she no longer visits I assume she will have been completely freed :-) and I will probably stop unless I can help someone else, which I doubt with my limited knowledge.
I resent the Witness belief that they are the only direct path to God and being with family in heaven. I am a Presbyterian, but am not so smug as to believe that a Lutheran or Baptist, or even a Witness doesn't have just as a direct a path to God in their own way. I can and do spend time with God daily in my life. I do not believe that there is a heaven in the sense that you see all your family and friends and there are streets of gold that you walk and life is perfect. I believe that your soul, not your physical body, is commended to God' hands if you profess your belief in Him. I believe that He uses that soul in His battle against evil in the world. I do not know how. If I am wrong, I am confident that xJW's will be in heaven right along with other good people who have professed there belief and faith in God through out the ages, Witness or not.
I am a believer, but I constantly find myself questiong my beliefs as I go on my life religious journey. The nice thing is that I can do that and not be an outcast or considered a pariah in my world. I can go to church for any number of reasons in another denomination and still feel good. I am with God regardless of whose place of worhship I am in. It is good.
Thnx for post,:-)
erase scars
THE BORG
when i shared my experience and opionions about jehovah's witnesses to my friends or family, i
referred to them as 'the borg', and was surprised to find upon coming here that many ex-witnesses
use the same terminology. they don't want you to think on your own. thinking is bad. you live to
protect jehovah's 'good name' and the watchtower society. you do not question. you are either one
of the collective, or you are cast out. plain and simple...
Erasescars- I, too, hate that the witness profess to be the ONLY link to god. When I was in the organization, they drilled & drilled & drilled me full of this nonsense. Without being able to read other literature (FORBIDDEN) and have limited "outside" contact with others, it all was taken as gospel, and just "believed" to a certain point. When you're "in' for whatever reason, you place your ENTIRE trust & belief system in the organization. You are taught not to question it, and to go with it, and to believe. You are an outcast if even in your "faith" you ask a questions. So, when you leave, its almost like- we'll, I just lost the ONLY chance at everlasting life! Sad, but ALOT of EXWitnesses turn to drugs, alcohol, sex (LOTS OF SEX-LOL) to kind of dull or numb the pain, and also, because when you're "IN" they say once you leave- you might as well LIVE IT UP, cause once you die- thats it for you- so enjoy life. Alot feel that they lost the direct line to god- so why bother praying, or trying to lead a good, Christian life .Although now I do believe in god- and have a better relationship with him than I EVER did in the organization, when I first left, I did experiment with pot, drinking, & sex. At first, it was out of curiosity, then it got to be like "Hey- why not- nothing matters anymore" I am glad I figured out that there IS a god outside of the organization. It is hard even for my husband to understand the lies & mental torture you go through being "in". Even though I try to tell him- he is like- Ok, its over now- get on with your life. Don't GIVE them anymore power. But, I need to talk about it, and deal with it, and this website is an enormous help. I imagine your friend will always find comfort here. Even when she heals the scars from within- this will be a wonderful support group, to remind her, help her, and be here- unconditionally for her. Sounds like you are that kind of friend for her, as well. She is very lucky to have found you. If you continue to be here friend, you, too, will most likely want to come in here often, so don't think you'll be leaving us soon :-) Bookmark this page, and visit often! :-) By the way- I like your name- erasescars- very very very fitting in here! :-)
Edited by - perfection seeker on 1 July 2002 13:42:43
Edited by - perfection seeker on 1 July 2002 13:44:38
Thank you Perfection Seeker, for your comments. I can see why a person such as you and my friend would always find comfort here. I can see the scars are sooooo deep for some that it would be a good place to visit often. I can imagine that one might want to pass on their experience and help to others who may just be asking or starting on their road to a free and better life. Kind of like waging war on the group.:-) My friend and I are going through some difficult times in our lives, but we both know we support one another so hopefully all will work out for us...it is very complex and difficult situation....almost want to talk about it here, there are so many helpful peole with insights that range all over the map. Wish there was a group like this for my problems.
I wish I had known 5 years ago about the LOTS of sex aspect when you leave Witnesses (LOL) :-)....I came on the scene too late to benefit from that much. :-( We have shared a few moments...they were wonderful and memorable, but too few.
I hope I am supportive of her, not just here but in all she endeavors....that is paramount to me.
Name reflects what I wish SO HARD more than anything I could do for my friend (well second most...if I could help her with child that would be first.)
All the people responding are GREAT and HELPFUL. THX.
erase scars
Erasescars-
So, how do you know this exwitness? Whats your relationship? You say you didn't get in on the LOTS OF SEX time when she left the organization, what did you mean by that? What is the difficult times you are going through with her? This forum is to lend an ear, a shoulder- use it!
Best wishes- PS
Perfection Seeker,
I apologize for the delay responding. I met my former witness friend in a strange way...through business. We developed a deep and close relationship after a LOT of talking. I love this person as a friend and have worked hard to help her through her JW problem and other problems. She asked me a week ago Sunday, after praising me, if I would be happy if all we had were 5 good years together. I said that is not what I hope, but it would be better than never having tried. I also made assurances that day that I could handle certain circumstance we found ourselves in occasssionally even if she was not able to. The very next day she placed herself in my trust and I was not able to do what I said I could. She has since shut me completely out of her life asking me not to contact her in any way if I care for her mental and physical health and for her. She said she was not doing it out of anger at me, but at herself. I love her dearly and have done as asked even though it is killling me. I don't know if she will feel as she does for eternity or until tomorrow. I cannot express regret or or tell her how I suffer over this without breaking her request of me. It is killing me to lose first a dear friend and second a person I love. I am at a loss as to what to do.....I miss her terribly. I want to know how things are in her life. Is she happier, is she down, is she taking care of herself, has she met some of the goals she has set for herself, is anyone helping her with things or is she facing the world alone again? I am worried about her. Is she being harrasssed again by mother and family? Is she still bored to death? I can no longer offer her any kind of support as I used to try. Sometimes I think I helped, I was always one of 3 people she could confide in. She said I was the only one in her life who ever backed off and gave her space when she needed it. This is the ultimate back off. It is killing me....I only hope it is not hurting her.
Erasescars.
