Update on Mom

Mulan

Yesterday, before we went to dinner at Mak and Sabine's, a friend called me from the KH to warn me they had Mom on the phone link for the meeting (their meeting is at 4PM). I went downstairs to see what she was up to, since I had taken the phones out, to stop her from calling everyone in town to complain about the 'abuse she was suffering' at the hands of her daughter (me). She was standing over the speaker phone (I had taken the hand set off), and she was furiously pushing buttons, and sobbing. I felt so sorry for her, because she had disconnected herself. So I helped her to get connected again. It took awhile.

After I went back upstairs, my husband and I decided to just let her go live with the sicko she wants to live with, but tonight I am feeling really bad, and I feel in my gut, that this is a bad thing. She needs real help and not the enabling, that Lana will give to her. I am just feeling helpless. She won't go to a doctor to be evaluated, because of course, she doesn't have a problem. And this woman believes everything she is saying.

The social worker will be turning hand springs when I tell her because Mom will be moving to another county, and out of her jurisdiction. She told me the other day that she has never, in 20 years, had a more manipulative client, and she really feels sorry for me.

I told Mom tonight that she really needs to think about the consequences of what she is doing, because once she walks out the door, she is never coming back, and she will never see me again. She is so cold, it just hurts so bad. She put her fingers in her ears, again, and all I had to do was threaten to take her phone again, and she stopped that nonsense.

I have no idea how to undo this yellow and red thing going on. I tried to change the color of the font and got red, so hit the other icon, and got yellow. Groan!

BeautifulGarbage

(((((((Mulan))))))

So sorry about the situation with your Mom. I've been watching from the sidelines while my husbands Mom(she's 82) loses her grip with reality, and it's so painful for him. She can get quite belligerent. We can't bring our children around anymore because she accuses them of the silliest things and I found it too upsetting. She was found wandering in her neighborhood at 3am, lost. I can't imagine what it must be like with the JW thing mixed in.

Hang in there. You are doing the best you can.

Andee

Mimilly

Mulan, I'm so sorry for the pain and frustration you're going through. You are definitely caught between a rock and a hard place.

Isn't there any way for the social worker to speak to a psychiatrist who could force her to get help in a hospital? It's obvious how much you care hon. But if she won't go to a doctor - can you get help to have a doctor 'come' to her?

Sending you lots of hugs, and hoping this works out for you.

luv, Mimilly

LB

I think your yellow red posts matches your mood right now. I do have a good idea of what you are going through. Just continue to hang in there. Mom doesn't know what she is doing.

Solace

Oh Mulan,

This is just so sad.

I can tell you care about your mother and want to do whats best for her.

Wendy

Awww Mulan!

All I have to say is two words...BAKER ACT. Your mother is not the same person she was years ago. Her age and mental stage are not allowing her to make clear decisions. You have tried very hard to be supportive of her, and have taken great care of her. There is only so much you can do. If she was bleeding profusely, would you attempt to take care of her yourself? Of course not...and this situation is the same thing. Perhaps it is time to take her into the nearest hospital and let them decide if she is able to live with this woman. You already mentioned money is not an issue, but believe me, there are many, many ways this woman profits by having your mother. Grants to improve her home, the little social security does qualify her for more federal aid, a dependant on her taxes, and the list goes on. Not to mention the satisfaction this woman is getting for being such a focal point in your mom's life.

(((((HUGS)))))) If you need anything, I am here. Trust me I have spoken to many families who have come to the conclusion that assited living is right in their parents case. You are NOT failing her at all. You just can't give her what she needs, and it is draining you and your family.

wendy

Mulan

Wendy, do you have a suggestion how I can get her to a hospital? I want to have her evaluated and the social worker and the police said I should get her to a mental health professional, for that purpose, but I can't do it against her will. How would I get her to get dressed, and walk to the car, and actually get in? She may be demented but she is no dummy.

Mom's friend lives in a small rented apartment.

How can she get a tax break for having her live there? We don't get a thing for having both of my parents here. They aren't dependents, technically.

Edited by - mulan on 2 July 2002 0:5:54

JT

it sounds like it maybe time to consider nursing home for her. the emotional destruction that is in your home is good for noone-

you and your husband need a mental break, i hate to say this but your case is not like most folks with old parents

not only does she have to deal with the normal issues of getting old, she also views you and your husbands as Agents of Satan the Devil himself.

in life i have come to realize that you can only reach out to help someone but for so long and then you begin to be the one who needs help.

I often think of the Pilot in the news footage during the fall of Sargon, he was flying over the American Embassy as he looked down and saw literaly thousands of folks begging him to let them on the chopper

but he realized that he could only help but so much and sure enough in the footage you see folks hanging on for deal life and he lifted that baby off the roof and headed out, well at least he knew that he tried and they wanted his help

your mom for what ever reason be it old age or wt indoctrination doesn't even want your help.

you have to realize that there comes a time when you got to CUT LOOSE and this just maybe the time to do it

while i would never say turn your Back ON HER, but i would suggest that you put some space between you and your mom

it would be a sad day for you to end up causing a division between you and your husband due to an old lady who thinks the New system is around the corner

it is clear she is not making good choices, then you must make the good choices since we all can see that she can't or wont

This 4th of july is as good a time as any to start chking into homes for her.

but the choice is yours, but in my honest opinion, I DON'T SEE THINGS GETTING ANY BETTER

just my 2

james

Mimilly

Mulan - -tell the police to take her. She is a danger to herself, unstable. That way she'd have no choice BUT to have a psych assessment. Of course she isn't going to like it, but at the same time, you would be doing what's best for all involved.

Check it out.

hugs, Mimilly

Mulan

James, you can't just put them in a nursing home if they refuse to go. I haven't had her declared mentally incompetent and I would have to do that, to force the issue. All the professionals are telling me what her options are, and basically I can't force it.

It's like trying to keep a rebellious teenager home. They go in the front door, and out the back. I could put Mom in a home, and she would call Lana, make her her DPOA, and out the door they go.

Mimilly, they DID tell me I can call 911 and ask them to bring a mental health professional with them to evaluate her, and they would take her to the hospital for a week, IF they determine she is mentally deficient. But, what if she 'snows' them? She is very convincing.

We decided yesterday to just let her go, but I feel like this is so wrong.

Edited by - mulan on 2 July 2002 0:16:19

Update on Mom

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