Update on Mom (page 2)

Lady Lee

Wrong or not you will have to let her go. The only option would be the evaluation of incompetency

(((HUGS)))

dungbeetle

<, for that purpose, but I can't do it against her will>

yes you can.

<James, you can't just put them in a nursing home if they refuse to go>

yes you can.

Then do it.

I wish you the best.

That is the Baker Act I was talking about. The other day, when she was going crazy and called the police, she could have taken her then by saying those two words. It is a temporary, 24 hour(maybe 48) stay in a mental hospital so she can be evaluated. In this facility they will be able to evaluate her and then place her in a home. To the best of my knowledge, this is for every state. But do a search and see if it is active in your state.

As for getting her dressed and taking her...perhaps you should do that. Get her all dressed, tell her you are taking her to lunch, forgetting to mention you are taking her for a psych consult(that way you aren't lieing) then when she is in the car tell her. From what you said she will go ballistic, then YOU call the police. Or you can enjoy the good days with her, and next time she acts up insist they commit her.

As for not getting any financial support from her now, you have many options to do so. You CAN claim her and your father as a dependent, if their income is unable to support them outside of your home. It is highly unlikely that it does, when you include 24 hour aide care that they would be paying out of pocket if not for you. Also there are grants that you can apply for to add medical supplies, even new heating systems, air conditioning, new flooring, you name it! The social worker should alert you to all of this, if she has not she is being shabby. If your mother does go into a home, they usually have an individual social worker for each residence. From what I have heard, be prepared to getting many calls from her until your mother is settled in. Trust me though, they are used to seeing many different personalities, they will be able to see what she is doing. It may take a bit of time, but they will see.

wendy

Princess

Start calling around mom. Trust your instincts, I think you are right on this one. Lana will soon tired of being maid to grandma and will try to send her back and you will be right back where you are now. What you said about grandma giving her DPOA and leaving I don't think can happen. You have DPOA, if she is getting help for mental illness they won't let her turn around and give it to Lana. Also, those places will want to do an evaluation on Lana before they let her take grandma home. They were insisiting on it at the other place and that is one of the reasons Lana backed off.

There has to be a way to force her into a hospital.

Rachel

JT

We decided yesterday to just let her go, but I feel like this is so wrong

#######

whether it is the nursing home or the PO's home - letting her go will be the best thing FOR YOU

we all know that it will not be the best for her, for now she has a daughter and soninlaw , jumping hoops to make her life comfortable and she doesn't even acknowledge it,

the letting go that i speak of is not for her a,BUT FOR THE TWO OF YOU

you guys need a mental break in my opinion

james

Wendy

Mulan,

I agree with Princess, they are not going to just let her sign over DPOA over to this woman. Trust me, those in the geriatic community are very familiar with how the mind works after a certain stage. I have seen people come into the nursing home, or even into the assisted living part of the home against their will. It is really sad, but the BEST thing for all involved. She will adjust, and if Lana continues to be a problem for her, they can decline her to visit. And they can do that...you can do that if she is admitted. Perhaps without her control, your mother may lean on you more and you can have a semi normal relationship. You gave it your best shot, you tried and continue to try. There is only so much you can do, and as JT said, add the wacky religion in the mix and you are doomed.

((((((hugs))))

wendy

jaded

Mulan, just want to say that my heart goes out to you. You are a wonderful daughter. I am starting to go through some really tough things with my mom and just wish that I could handle it half as well as you do.

LDH

I agree with JT on this one. I am already in the process of emotionally loosing myself from family. Although I have never been close with my mother, I have been very close to my dad. Since the Dateline Fiasco and they went home to NY, I have had almost NO contact with them. Due to this wacky ass religion, our 'family' will never be a normal one.

It's like I told my sister on the phone the other day, I already HAVE a family that I'm supposed to be taking care of. I don't need to have outside influences making it harder than it is already to be the best mom/wife I can be. If my parents insist on substituting that bullshit religion for their real family, then they can take their own knocks as they get older and older.

We'll see how much the "congregation cares for them" As it is, they have to PAY young ones in the cong. to mow their lawn. (My parents have several acres, and a John Deere thank god). I asked my sister yesterday, "Michelle, when we were teenagers and we used to go over to the Asaro's or the Yehl's or the Casper's houses to help out, did we ever get paid?!?!?!" She verified that NO we never got paid, we did it because we wanted to help the older ones in our cong.

Now whereas I would not call my parents older ones YET, they just don't want to be bothered with the lawn. And all of the fucking financial and moral support they have given to that weak ass cong, you would think the young ones could get together and take turns. Not only mowing THEIR lawns, but others in the cong. too, like we did.

And once you get me to the point of no return, I will have hardened my heart against you, no matter who you are, and will not feel sorry for you. The same goes for my parents. (Sorry to hijack; just illustrating a point.)

I fear JT is right, Marilyn. She has crossed the point of no return and is now just sapping your emotional energy. It is up to you how much you have to give. If you honestly feel you have done your best and there is nothing left to do, so be it. NO ONE could judge you for looking out for your family first.

Lisa

slipnslidemaster

My thoughts are with you and your family. I don't think that there is any easy solution to this and there is heartache and pain whereever you turn. and I certainly don't have the knowledge and background to give advice.

I think that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances, never give up hope, but please protect yourself and YOUR family too.

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

LyinEyes

How long has this personality change been going on? Do you think she is having mental problems ? I say trust your instincts and do what you have to do to feel at peace with yourself. I think it would be a good idea to have her evaluated by a mental health professional, and see what they think. Then what ever the outcome is, you can feel you did the best you could for your mom, even if she hates you for it now. She could be treated with medication and therapy , and thank you for it later. You just can't know how it will turn out. My grandmother, was always a mean woman, but as she got older she was even worse. My aunt would pick her up for a doctors appointment and my grandmother would tell all kind of lies of how she was being abused by my aunt. She would say things like she was making her late on purpose and that my aunt was stealing her lipstick etc.

I think my grandmother had a mental illness way before she got old. She just got stranger and more outlandish with her stories of how people treated her. She refused to speak to me after my mom died. It was 16 yrs ago, and I heard from my aunt that she blamed me and my sister for my mom committing suicide. We were just barely 14 and 17 at the time. But honestly , I knew she was not right in her head, and it was a conflict between my mom and my grandmother that had went on for years. My grandmother passed the other week and I was not told about it. I heard it from some other relatives on my dad's side of the family. I guess my uncle , grandma's only beloved son, didnt want my sister and me there. So what can you do , when you try all you can to love and take care of your family, if they turn you away? I would say try all you can, and that way you can feel you did the best thing. I am so sorry you are going thru this. It must be hard to see your parents get older and have these problems. I am hoping that she can get on some kind of medication and see how good she has it with you . Sometimes committing someone to the hospital is the only way to save them. I will be thinking of you , and hoping things turn around for the better.

Much love , LyinEyes(Dede)

Update on Mom

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