1. Teach your children that everyone they know that isn't a Witness
- baby sitters, teachers, policemen, the kind old lady who gave
them a dollar for ice cream - are wicked, led by Satan and will
be slaughtered by God at Armageddon. Charity is foolish -
don't waste your time helping 'worldly' people who will
die anyway.
2. Teach them that all non- Witness family members are wicked
and facing death by execution by God.
3. Cut off all or nearly all contact with such family by avoiding
every HOLIDAY opportunity - often, the only opportunity - to
visit them. If they die, be too busy to waste time attending
their funeral - they refused the 'truth', remember?
4. Treat death as a chance to preach and offer literature. Don't
eulogize or waste time mourning - they'll either get resurrected
or be condemned to Gehenna , anyway - there's nothing you can do
about it now.
5. Interrogate your child casually about their intimate sexual
behavior, especially masturbation. Study and emphasize BOTH
chapters in the Youth book on it.
6. This possibly should be number one, underlined and in capital
letters. TEACH YOUR CHILD PRETENSE! Boring meetings and
an imaginary 'ministry'? Why they're Jehovah's provisions!
Give the most pious comments at the Watchtower study, regardless
of your personal life. Encourage big attendance at the C.O.'s visit
to teach them - who they're really serving - men.
7. Become an elder - draining time away from your family and serving
as an unpaid employee of the Watchtower Society while remaining
oblivious to your crumbling homelife.
8. Stay 'loyal' - keep your mouth shut about every mistake or act
of hypocrisy by the organization - cover up and explain away
everything corrupt - teaching your kids 'the way things are'.
9. Express no surprize when your children never call you
or visit
or attempt suicide
or abuse themselves
or get depression
or hurt animals
or get strange chronic illnesses doctors can't figure out
or can't hold a job
or fail academically
or fail in their marriage
or leave the 'truth'
or tell you suddenly, one day, "it's all Bullsh*t, anyway"
or secretly use drugs
or get pregnant from the boyfriend you didn't know about
or get multiple personalities
or get anorexia
or stop pioneering after arrest for shoplifting
or smoke dope all day instead of home schooling
or tell you they were molested and the elders knew about it
Remember the whole world is run by Satan - stuff just goes bad
and it's not your fault, so don't worry about it.
After all, Armageddon is any day now.
(and if it delays, you still have your IRA/Pension/401K
account - see number 6)
metatron