hey everybody ,hard to smile when your kids have told you,, you will never see your grandkids again, maybe they need some new enlightenment.possibly from the "F" D S"
Edited by - allen on 6 July 2002 4:27:1
getting your children to love you back without fea
by allen 16 Replies latest jw experiences
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allen
well maybe it ain"t such a good topic after all
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Dutchie
Its a good topic. There are many stories here where the parents have stopped associating with the witnesses and their children who are still in the organization forbid them from interacting with their grandkids. It is surely a heartbreaking situation.
I have kids whom I am crazy about and I cannot even imagine them turning their backs on me. I am so glad that we are no longer jehovahs witnesses and that we are free to love one another as family's were meant to.
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Shimmer
allen,
Could you give a little more background information? I only ask because I'm on the flip side of that situation. I have been seriously thinking about cutting off my parents from seeing my children because I feel that they do more harm to them than good. Which has nothing to do with my mom being a witness.
My parents are very rigid and strict and my kids do not feel comfortable over at their house. It's like they are looking for things to yell at my kids about. And my dad threatened to whip my son and told him that he didn't care what I thought about it.
I just want my parents to be grandparents and leave the disciplining to me. But they won't sit down and discuss what is acceptable and not acceptable discipline with me. So they almost have left me no choice but to cut off or severly limit my association with them.
Shimmer
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Scully
Shimmer wrote:
*****Could you give a little more background information? I only ask because I'm on the flip side of that situation. I have been seriously thinking about cutting off my parents from seeing my children because I feel that they do more harm to them than good. Which has nothing to do with my mom being a witness.My parents are very rigid and strict and my kids do not feel comfortable over at their house. It's like they are looking for things to yell at my kids about. And my dad threatened to whip my son and told him that he didn't care what I thought about it.
I just want my parents to be grandparents and leave the disciplining to me. But they won't sit down and discuss what is acceptable and not acceptable discipline with me. So they almost have left me no choice but to cut off or severly limit my association with them.*****
My parents sound similar to yours Shimmer. In fact, almost three years ago, I witnessed my father attempting to discipline my then 6-year-old daughter. It wasn't "discipline" in the sense of correcting a mistake she'd made. It was him throwing his weight around and shaming her, and threatening to withdraw his affection toward her, in front of about half a dozen other people, if she didn't do something the way he wanted it done.
We were at their summer place at the time, and the weather was starting to look menacing. I started packing up our bags quietly. My mother and father started yelling at me about what my problem was. So I let them both have it with both barrels. I do not have a problem with appropriate discipline when one of my kids is doing something they shouldn't do. What I have a problem with is the way a 60 year old man took to humiliating a little girl about using or not using the bathroom facilities when she needed to. He came across as unreasonable, and the form of "discipline" was unloving. They countered with "How dare you speak to your parents this way! We didn't bring you up to be disrespectful like this!" To which I replied: "No you brought me up to let other people walk all over me, and I don't have to do that anymore or make my kids do it either. You never stood up for us (my brothers and me) ever, you always took sides with the adults and punished us even when we didn't deserve it. I'm not going to let that happen to MY kids." The kids and I piled into the car with all our stuff and began the long drive home. We were not on speaking terms for almost two years.
Our visits are very brief now. A couple of hours at a time every two to three months, if that. But that's fine. They don't cross the line anymore.
If it ever happens that your dad threatens to beat your son again, give him a warning that if he does, you'll be pressing charges. Assault and battery is a crime.
Love, Scully
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DakotaRed
If my daughters ever didn't want to see me again, I doubt I would want to live. But, fortuantely, they never became JWs, so that is not a problem for me.
One thing that really irritated me about the JWs, was, although they knew both myd aughters and saw that they were very respectful and courteous to all, was their notion that my daughters would be fertilizer, unless I did something about it. One a**hole elder even informed me one time, that my daughters being raised well and turning out pretty good didn't mean anything as I didn't raise them for Jehovah, meaning the Watchtower.
My heart aches for every parent who has had children turn against them because of this misguided BS cult. That they claim to be God's sole representatives on earth and rip families apart at the same time shows me what a cult they really are.
I would let the kids know that you love them very much and are always there for them when they need you. Then, go home and cry your eyes out and pray that God, the real God, not the Watchtower, opens their eyes and hearts as to what harm and hurt the Watchtower is causing them.
Lew W
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allen
hey red .thanks alot for your reply ,i really appreciate what you had to say. i remember back in the year 2000 when i had a bad wreck and my son came to the hospital i was literally on my death bed.the doctors lost me three times.after 4 days i woke up to see a bag of blood hanging behind me,and would probably declined it if i had been given the choice. what i did find out that as the medics were airlifting me to memphis,one of my sons was on his way and me the chopper at the landing pad.this son was more attentive to me than some of the docs, was with me over a month and a half encourging me to be strong ,to get better and not die,. When i asked himwhy he was doing this he said it was in line with "honoring your father" As soon as i got home 50 days later ,by the way he brought me home,he hasn"t talked to me since .I found out from his wife that the committee got on to him and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he continued seing me and talking to me it would stand in the way of any more advancement in the congregation. I guess Ineed to wipe the ring of my butt and get off the pitty pot and appreciate that that he showed me allthe love he could while he was allowed, By the way my daughter was thwere every day too." god love em"thanks alot for your response it really did help..
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DakotaRed
Allen, your story is not being on the pitty pot. It just shows what control those hateful dubs have over their followers. It is obvious that your son loves you and is torn between you and his brainwashing manipulators. I pray that he wakes up soon and see just how ridiculous he was in sitting by your side and showing you the love he felt for you, only to turn his back on you after some (expletive deleted) JWs talked to him.
Honoring your parents doesn't stop as soon as they get better and come home from the hospital. It is a full time commandment. Hang in their, Allen, I'm sure he will eventually come back around.
Lew W
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QUEENIE
well when the JW grandparents in my opinion are being abusive not just strict and I say they are then any visitation should take place in your home and in your presence and that is it!!!! I AM THE ONE BEING STRICT now !!!! QUEENIE and family
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allen
Thats the kind of encouragement I need to hear ,maybe I CAN BE A SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO SOMEONE TOO,
THANKS AGAIN RED ALLEN
allen