by Sirona 23 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I recommend you both continue with the slow-drift-away... No noise, no commotion... conveniently forgotten by the machine.
This is what I would have done, but they would not let me. I tried to quietly drift away, but the elders cornered me and forced me to DA or be DFed.
Hi Ozzie,
You make good points. My JW mum wanted us to get back together because in her mind we should have stayed married. They know I stay over at his house etc. She is not as much the loyal dub as some are, she hasn't reported my BF for recently joining the Territorial Army (she actually said she thought that it was a good thing for him).
He said he was embarressed to still be considered JW. He doesn't want contact with those at the hall, coming to see him and get him to go back. He had a couple of visits about 2 months ago from young brothers trying to "encourage" him.
Elsewhere...yes, I think drifting away is the best policy. Somewhere along the line, like Ozzie said, I suspect we're both "in for it" though.
Sirona
would it really be that bad if you were both DF'd?
I think DA-ing yourself is just playing by their rules and is convenient for them. Best to just walk away and hurt them in other ways.
Just my 2p
As your b/f hasn't associated in such a long time...I don't see the need to DA.
ISP
Shhhhhhhhh don't say nothin' you'll be fine.
I think under the circumstances, if you BF can just ride his emotion out for a time and just ignore them, this might be in everyone's best interests. By taking any formal action, it tends to force other's hands, and maybe right now's not the best time. It's not as if he's tarking any pro-JW stand.
Believe me, I can relate. I've been "inactive" for 15plus years, and there are times I get so frustrated at my JW family's behavior and the negative affect JWism has had on my life and others, that I just want to write a scathing letter to the WTS and have my name removed from ANY JW association ANYWHERE. Then a wave of realism comes over me as I realize that will likely only accomplish short term satisfaction. It won't take away my pain or the change really anything about the past. Only force their hand.
In your BF's case, sounds like he doesn't have much to lose, but his taking formal action can make your life/situation difficult--hopefully he understands this.
Good luck. Don't you hate how this org forces you to second guess so much of what you do/want to do???
Don't you hate how this org forces you to second guess so much of what you do/want to do???
Oh yes! Well put, Blacksheep. I nominate this as the "comment of the day".
Cheers, Ozzie
Sirona,
It occurs to me after reading your post and replies, that so much of the time we are so concerned with what "they", meaning the org will think. Is it not our relationship with the creator(s) that we should be more concerned about.
If your b/f makes this sacrifice to try to "hide" his true feelings, that cannot be healthy emotionally. It could lead to other relationship problems later on for the two of you as a couple. I don't know your age or other circumstances and that plays a big part too.
I wish you both success. If you are only trying to keep it together for family, they are going to find out sooner or later. Personally it would seem to be awfully stressful trying to lead a double life.
Just try to live your life and be happy. Continue to be loving and kind. If love or kindness is not returned when you are honest with your own heart, then you've done all you can. Time to take the losses and move ahead.
Keep us posted. Best wishes to you and yours.
Karen/Sentinel
If you are living with your ex-husband and are not legally married then you would be considered a "fornicator"., which = disfellowshipped
