How can I make them leave me alone?

by 67mustang 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ISP

  Pretend to be mad.........talking and walking backwards should do it....

  ISP
• 

  Focus

  Most of my methods involve first opening the door...

  1. Answer the door in your bathrobe. Inform the dubs that you and your spouses are nudists. The jWs are welcome to come in, but must strip naked immediately upon entering.

  2. Chalk out the outline of a body on your driveway. Put up a little sign next to it stating "The last jW who rang my doorbell"

  3. Keep some tomato juice and vinegar in your fridge. When they ring, quickly make up a mixture so as to look like blood. Open the door with a glass of it in your hand, wiping some from your lips onto your palm as you do. Proffer it to them. If they don't flee, tell them you'll open up a fresh vein for them if they prefer.

  4. Take the phone off the hook before inviting them in. Return to it when they are seated, saying you have to deal with the phone call first. Use your imagination to fill in your end of the "conversation". In the present climate, an apparent conversation about child-swapping with someone you occasionally call "Overseer", or crack-cocaine trading, might help. Ensure you break off the "conversation" from time to time to ask them if they want to rent Ted for the night, or buy some of the "class product" at a special price, or something.

  5. Answering the door with a long (at least 36") sword, or something that looks like a sword, to hand, uttering a wild war cry, has been known to produce the desired result.

  6. Logging to the Internet, invite them to sit near you while they continue to preach, and explore various apostate websites and begin to read from them aloud.

  7. Let them in and begin their spiel without any interruption or word from you. One minute later, choose randomly between doing one of these following things, and then do it:
  (a) Nodding as if to say yes, but actually say "No".
  (b) Shaking your head as if to say no, but actually say "Yes".
  (c) Pretending to find something crawling in your hair, casting it to the floor and treading on it with alacrity and force.
  (d) Getting up, rotating your body through either 360 degrees clockwise or through 720 degrees anticlockwise, and then sitting down again.
  (e) Letting out a loud, brief laugh.
  (f) Say "Fascinating! Whoever would have believed that!"
  (g) Popping your ears and grinning ecstatically.
  (h) Pretending to look for what had been squashed the last time you did (c), finding and then eating it with evident relish, perhaps sipping from the glass of blood (see 3.) while so doing.
  (i) Picking up a randomly-chosen book and magazine, riffling the pages, sniffing the breeze from it, and looking at it intently for a few seconds, while holding it upside-down, before replacing it somewhere exactly one armspan from where it had been (measure with precision).
  (j) Taking off one randomly selected item of your clothing, and putting it back on immediately, sometimes correctly.
  (k) Using your index finger, pretending to shoot at something out of their line of vision, and looking dejected and disappointed.
  (l) Briefly imitating a farmyard animal (a different one each time) in sound, posture or both.
  This done, revert to apparently listening eagerly to their talk. One minute later, again choose randomly between (a)-(l), do it, and immediately revert to being the avid listener. And again and again, at one minute intervals.
  If asked if anything is wrong, look very surprised, perform (b) and indicate with an impatient gesture that they should go on.
  For every fifteen minutes they stay, decrease the interval between your interjections by about 10%.
  Do not deviate when they indicate they want to leave, except to gesture them to stay and continue.
  When they do leave, follow them for a while, again not deviating from the routine (restrict your choice to things not involving props).
  They will NEVER come back, as you will be marked as being demon-possessed. If you do this one properly, the whole neighborhood may be considered to be possessed and might be spared for quite a time.

  --
  Focus
  (Thoroughly Demonized Class)

  Edited by - Focus on 20 July 2002 19:9:23
• 

  Xandria

  Humm I don't have the problem of overly annoying dubs b/c I live in a secure building. lol

  But... yo u could always answer the door in your leather S&M outfit w/ whip... and invite them to stay for the next dominatrix class. You take the class and I will accept the bible study.

  :D

  Xandria
• 

  Mary

  Pretend you're a pedophile..........as their record shows, they'll never bother you, or ask you any uncomfortable questions ever again!
• 

  scumrat

  Start a paper trail. Mail a certified letter ( return receipt requested ) to the local congregation Body Of Elders. State in the letter that you do not want the witnesses or any of their publishers to call at your house or enter your property. If they call at your door or come on to your property again, you have proof that they continue to harrass you and have total dis-regard for your rights to privacy.

  SUE. their Asses!!!!
• 

  outoftheorg

  Another thread here was kicking around the idea of getting door mats made up with

  APOSTATES WELCOMED HERE in large letters. That may deter any more visits.