personal boundaries

garybuss

The Manageable Human

Disassembling Personal Boundaries

Disassembling personal boundaries clears the way for abusive behavior. It allows the abusers the freedom to violate people who defer to them without expectation of consequences to the abuser.

The Watch Tower Publishing Corporate Conglomerate, directing all and speaking for their agents, Jehovah's Witnesses, has honed and perfected a system designed to eliminate almost all personal boundaries of it's members and train them to accept all kinds of behaviors that these members would never accept in a healthy environment.

They are taught that healthy human reactions to outrageous or offensive behaviors are a sign of spiritual illness or immaturity.

Humility is a favorite catchword and a pivot point. The member with almost no boundaries is the most humble. Members offend other members and cross human boundaries frequently and the offended member is not supposed to resent the offense or break rapport. The offense is most often delivered as "counsel". Those members with the least reaction to outrageous invasive behaviors by other group members are the most humble. Members are constantly tested and those members wanting to be social and accepted must submit to frequent personal inquisition and invasion on many levels.

Where's your necktie brother? Your skirt is too short sister! Anything of a personal nature, like my choice of clothing, hair combing, design of transportation vehicle, or my choice of friends, is protected by personal boundaries. It is never okay to comment to me on any of these choices unless I ask for your opinion. It is never okay for a casual acquaintance to inquire about or judge my sex behaviors, my choices of medical treatment, the food I choose to eat, or my motives for doing anything.

The Watch Tower Corporation's first job with a new recruit is to justify the disassembling of those personal boundaries. They do that with statements like this:

"The purpose of considering a Bible character is to show what can be learned from his example. Acts of faithfulness, courage, humility, and unselfishness furnish good examples to be followed; unfaithful acts as well as undesirable traits stand as strong warnings to turn Christians away from an improper course." Our Kingdom Ministry, October 1999 page 3

Dispensing with personal boundaries is seen as faithful, courageous, humble, and unselfish, while healthy offense and dislike for invasion of boundaries is seen as unfaithful and undesirable behavior. Once the group member has accepted this, the way is clear for the workers of the high personal control to move in. Another way to keep the members under the control of the group leaders is to identify normal, healthy human tendencies as spiritual weaknesses.

"Am I as eager to engage in the ministry as I am to go on an outing? Am I as willing to spend time preparing for meetings as I am to shop or watch TV ?" The Watchtower, April 15 1999, page 20 How to Recognize and Overcome Any Spiritual Weakness

Those who are not eager to engage in unpaid distribution of religious literature on their only day off from work are painted as spiritually weak. The same with those who do not really enjoy putting on an IBM business suit or a dress and pantyhose and sit through a two hour meeting on a weeknight.

So here we have it. Healthy human needs, preferences, and desires are seen as illness, normal feelings of offense when a personal boundary is breached is seen as pride, and dislike for and loss of rapport with the offender is seen as lack of the fruitage of God's spirit in our activities.

"This is reflected in the degree to which the fruitage of Gods spirit is manifest in all our activities." The Watchtower April 15, 1999 page 20

Next time a Jehovah's Witness comments to me about my choice of clothing, my car, my home, my music, or my friends, and threatens to shun me unless I allow it to continue, I realize a boundary is being crossed and I am being insulted and abused in the name of God. Is this the essence of religious abuse?

gb

Comments welcome:-)

Francois

This is an excellent post. And it makes very valid observations. Compare it to the absence of boundaries of any kind in an abusive family.

My family of origin was and is utterly dysfunctional. There were no boundaries. As a teenager, my parents read my mail, listened in on my phone conversations, told me how to cut my hair, how to spend my time, and on and on and on. My father could and did come home almost every night at least tipsy. But if he smelled any beer on my mother's breath, she "smelled like a brewery." And, "You've been out running the road with Shirley again haven't you?" He was a totally fearful little man, afraid of everything and everyone. He hid this behind this rough, bluff, exterior. And, he was the coward I always thought he was.

The WTBS is just like the abuser in a dysfunctional family. And you know what? You can get the abuser to stop, to come to a screeching halt - just like you can with any other coward - by one very well aimed, powerful punch right in the nose, delivered with all the strength you've got. That is, by establishing or re-establishing your boundaries in no uncertain terms.

I've never seen a coward ever attempt anything else once the boundaries were set.

So how do we apply that to the WTBTS?

francois

Dino

Wow gb, excellent thoughts and right on target!

I recall with horror my "counseling" a brother on his gowing a beard. Man did I ever violate his boundaries. Especially now that I sport a goatee! Oh well, I did apologize personally to him.

I always enjoy your posts and your kindness.

Dino

outoftheorg

Francois in reply to you, I found a good start was to tell the elders that I no longer respected them. Did so by telling them they need the shxt kicked out of them. That got me out of the borg and since then I send every one I know to the internet and or distribute copies of what is on the internet.

This is a really good intelligent easy to understand post. Thanks for all the work and time you put into it.

Edited by - outoftheorg on 24 July 2002 17:24:57

Xandria

GB:

Interesting post, I agree that the WTS. can only walk over you if you allow it. You are in control of what abuse you take as an ADULT. But a child.. that is a whole other issue. Because you are dependant upon the support your parents give to you. Yet it should not be that way... your parents love and support should be unconditional.

Xandria

garybuss

Thanks Dino, Life as a Witness was just a continual double bind. There never was a good choice. e.g., Go to meetings when I am tired and need some rest, or be seen by my friends and family as spiritually weak or ill. It never ended for me.

Francois, The life in the Watch Tower Corporation and life in my parents home was all the same. There was no home and church division. It was the home phase of the religion, and the school phase of the religion, and the book distribution phase of the religion. My parents kept me overwhelmed all the time with religious threats and personal threats. I never had a break from it as a juvenile.

They wanted to be sure I behaved as an adult as they tried to educate me as a child and it worked.

1. Make me go to hundreds of boring religious meetings as a child, I grow up to hate boring religious meetings.

2. Beat me and yell at me and I grow up to resent you for beating me and yelling at me.

Anyone add to the list?

gb

Hmmm

3. Teach me antiquated, misogynistic views of women, and I will grow up to view you as an antiquated, misogynistic organization.

Hmmm

Dutchie

Gary, I remember those Thursday night meeting when it would have made all the difference in the world if I could have just worn the pantsuit that I had worn to work. Bu no, I have to put on heels and pantyhose and my long flowing flowery dress so that I would be dressed "appropriately" for the meeting.

Added to that that sometimes I was so rushed getting the kids ready for the meeting and getting something to eat that I would oftentimes just grab my dress and accessories and change in the women's room at the Kingdom Hall.

I had no personal boundaries, and my choices were all watchtower inspired.

Edited by - Dutchie on 24 July 2002 18:24:55

SYN

Great post! And a good comment there, HMMMM!

Nathan Natas

I just want to express my gratitude that you, Gary, are a part of this online community. My only regret is the terrible price you paid for your freedom.

There are several others here for whom I've tried to express my gratitude in the past, and no doubt many more for whom I shall express my gratitiude in the future.

Some have suggested that we ought not be so self-congratulatory and complimentary because of the way the WTS might spin such statements. I've thought about the issue of "how will the WTS view such expressions," and I've come to the conclusion that I DON'T CARE what the WTS thinks or has to say about anything -- they can be assured that they will never see me expressing gratitude for THEM.

I'd rather be judged as "overly effusive" by the WTS than let any witty, talented, funny or long-suffering visitor here wonder if their message struck a chord with anyone.

Edited by - Nathan Natas on 24 July 2002 18:0:7

Edited by - Nathan Natas on 24 July 2002 18:4:38

personal boundaries

Share this