I'm so sorry for your loss, FD. It's good, though that your father called you about this. Hopefully, he will realize how short life really is and ignore the shunning thing so that he can spend some time with you.
My uncle was found DEAD this morning
by Fire Dragon 44 Replies latest jw friends
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dmouse
My condolences too, I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope it leads though to a new beginning with your dad.
((((((( Fire Dragon )))))))
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FreeFallin
Fire Dragon,
I am very sorry for your loss.
Free
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Sentinel
I am so very sorry for your loss Fire. :-( ((((HUGS))))
It is a good thing that your father called you. From what you said about how your uncle was found, he must have died very quickly. So hopefully it was fast and he wasn't in too much pain. The fact that he has asked you to "be with the family" shows he has a loving heart. Try not to worry about how you will be accepted. You have a right to be there, and a right to grieve for a loved one. Try to pull out all those good and happy memories of your relationship with family to get your through this stressful situation.
In the early 80's my dear 94 year old, spry (non JW) grandfather passed away--my mother's father. He and I always corresponded, and I had just sent off a letter to him at his home in Florida. I received a call from a concerned aunt (non JW) She asked me if I was flying down for his funeral. (I knew he had a form of cancer, but was not told it was critical.)
I was totally caught off-guard. She was shocked that my JW mom had not bothered to let me know that my own grandfather had died two days prior. My aunt was so sorry for me that I found out the way I did. She could not understand why my mother had not called me right away. There was no way I could afford to fly down--but I was never given the option to even consider driving down. It was too late. The funeral was that very day.
I was sad, then hurt, then angry. I grieved by myself and I waited to see how long it would take mom to let me know. A letter finally arrived, nearly seven days after the event. It was very matter of fact, and it stated that my letter to grandpa had arrived on the very day he died, so he didn't get to read it. I called her immediately and I let her know the sting of her betrayal to me. She was anticipating my call and handled it like a pro JW. In her own words she told me that "he" was her father, (very possessive) and that because I was no longer a JW, I wasn't privy to know family stuff anymore. (This was her way of attempting to control and hurt me in the worse possible way.)
She told me that she was glad that he had passed away, because now he would wake up in the resurrection, in the new system and have a chance for everlasting life. When he was alive he was a good Christian, but only tolerated mom and her sister speaking to him about their "truth".
Since then, as family members have become very ill or died, she has never let me know anything directly. Other non-JW family members usually end up telling me when I see them. More recently, she has been speaking more openly with me, but only if I make a direct inquiry about the well-being of a certain person.
Even the events in the lives of old JW friends from years ago are not "privy" to me, so she will not let me know of any illness or death. Her reaction is a stiff "well, you didn't want to be a witness anymore, so you are out of the circle". So, where is that genuine Christian love?
So don't let "them" control your feelings. Don't worry about "them". This was your uncle, and this is your father and your family.
I hope everything goes well for you. ((((hugs))))
Karen/Sentinel
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SixofNine
(((((Fire Dragon)))))
I think it is smart to be nothing more than cautiously optimistic about the family wanting you there. Not that it isn't a good step in the right direction, but you don't need to compound your loss of your uncle with the recurring loss of family when they pull back from you.
Even androids get the blues, so take it when you can get it, and maybe it will be the thing that wakes someone up, maybe in a small way it already has.
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LyinEyes
I am very sorry to hear about your uncles passing. It will be hard for you , not knowing how the family will treat you. But at least you were called and have a chance to say goodbye to your favorite uncle now, I know not the same, but you deserve the right to mourn him. Many hugs are sent your way Fire, we will be with you in spirit and thought durning this hard time for you.
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SYN
Fire, that's terrible, hugs from this side!
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Fire Dragon
You guys are good to me! All of your comments are so sweet.
Karen/Sentinel, I can't believe your mom did that to you! How terrible! I called my grandmother (non JW) a few weeks ago to see how she was and she told me that she had been in the hospital for surgery and had just gotten home. I was furious that my dad hadn't called me! I made sure that she knew I would have been there had I known. She said that she'd tell my dad herself that my feelings were hurt. I think that made a difference for my uncles passing. I would like to think that he would have called anyway but I'm sure my grandma had something to do with it too. She would make sure that I knew. She's taking it pretty hard, my uncle was her middle son.
I really appreciate the love that I'm getting today from you all. Thanks bunches!! ((((((forum))))))
-Fire
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outoftheorg
Hello Fire.
Very sorry to hear of your loss. You are of course welcome to express your self here on this post. The suggestion of writing a letter to you uncle is a good time tested method of unloading grief. I also recommend it.
If I may make a suggestion here, do your best to be gracious and kind to all you encounter at the funeral etc. This might point out to your father and others the uncracious even hurtful attitude that some of the jw's will show.
This difference may plant a seed.
My older sister died 3 months ago. She is the one that took care of me for my first 5 Years. My mother had a breakdown and could not. Then when I was df'd she told me she could no longer even speak to me.
My son was in China on business and my relatives called him there to let him know. He knew non of them would call me so he called me from China to let me know.
Odd how twisted the jw world is.