I really need your advice on this! (page 2)

libra_spirit

Sounds like you have a good handle on this situation already. You have learned his qualities, seen his track record, seen how he was raised in that his family is the same. His boundaries lie in a different place then yours, his comfort zone is at a different place then yours. You are uncomfortable with his work ethics. You might try both seeing a councilor together. He needs to understand how uncomfortable you are with this situation. It sounds like it will probably crop up again and again in your relationship with other issues. The big question is this, is this situation a relationship breaker? If he never changes will you be able to deal with it for a lifetime, at least till the kids leave home? Can you still love him and accept him exactly as he is? Without constantly pushing him to change, because this will cause the relationship to suffer if a middle ground cannot be negoiciated. Middle ground suggests you must both stretch a little, if he will not strech then can you strech the whole distance? The greatest Love is found in accepting someone as they are, if this is not possible and no compromise can be reached then sometimes it is better to break up rather then endure a life of fighting worry and discomfort. Really, a councilor could help you decide this, if nothing else you will learn something valuable for your next relationship.

Mimilly

You could bring up the idea of Distance Education. That way he could take the courses at home, either by computer or correspondence.

I agree with the others. You will add to his stress by pushing. You'll never find happiness if you allow money to get between you. Respect his issues just as you would like him to respect yours.

Mimilly

The_Bad_Seed

Should I have him seeing a psychologist?

What in the name of time does that have to do with the choices of going to school or not? If he doesn't want to go to school, let it be. Sounds like he should have you seeking a psychologist...

Crystal

What Spaz Said!!

minimus

HI sunshine, You are my sunshine my only sunshine.....I just had to do that. Your boyfriend sounds like a young man. If he doesn't WANT to do something, don't try to make him do what YOU feel. It never works out. Maybe you have the vision for your future. Go with what makes YOU happy and things will work out just fine.

sunshineToo

You are my sunshine my only sunshine.....I just had to do that.

LOL...That's very sweet of you, minimus. Thank you, everyone, for your advice.

My boyfriend has some very good qualities that seem to be so unreal to many people. However, he also has a week side, too. Well, nobody is perfect. When I met him first, he told me that he was afraid of meeting new people. Just being with strangers makes him feel very uncomfortable. He has gotten better nowadays. I think that's because he's more confident now.

Well, a part of his confidence came through his big raise, I think. But that raise came when the company thought he was going to college. I don't know whether they are going to cut his salary if they find out that he has dropped. He really need money. His family ( parents and siblings ) is very poor. He has been already supporting his brother and his family. ( His brother has two kids now.) And his parents and another brother need health insurance and some monitary support as well. ( sigh....) I don't know. I think because this is first time that I have to deal with this kind of situation, I kind of feel lost a little. That's why I needed your advice.

Mary

Why on earth would you want him to go to college? Don't you know that Armageddon is right around the corner?? He should be content to push a broom, or clean windows for a living.............

Seriously though, don't push him into going right now if he doesn't want to. But you may just want to ask if there was something that happened in school that made him feel this way. God knows I hated school with a passion but after a number of years, I'm going back........

SpiceItUp

Let him make up his own mind.

Has he asked you to give him advice? If he does say your piece and then let it be. If he is meant to go back to school then he will. If he loves his job enough to go back then he will. There is always a reason for the way things happen. And its usually best not to try to push people into doing things. That is the best way to get them NOT to do it. Just support him no matter what he decides--sounds like thats what he really needs. Just my .02

Spice

zenpunk

My husband had the big college fear as well. Partly because of severe dyslexia, partly because of fear of going to an American college. It took a long time before he got over those fears and he started going to Junior college last year. I guess what I'm saying is that it takes time. I leaped into college immediately after leaving the borg, but just because I did it that way doesn't mean everyone else can. I had to learn a lot of patience in this matter.

AGuest

Dearest SunshineToo... may you have peace and may I respond to your statement that:

"1. He is not strong enough to go through college life. Hmm....then, is he strong enough to be a husband and father?"

Wow, girl! Here I am, 42 years old, having only started college 2 years ago, after having raised 2 kids (age 24 and 20), both of whom go/went to college, actually started before I did and "inspired" me to go. And no, I am not and have never been a "housewife" having started work at age 13... but I do have a career (one I recently returned to after a 5 year hiatus), where I supervise 23 people and manage the assets of 16 low-income apartment complexes. And I don't have a degree and the one I am pursuing has absolutely nothing to do with my career (I did that on purpose; I wanted school to be a BREAK from work, and vice versa).

Tell me, my dear one... what in the WORLD does going to college... or NOT going to college... have to do with whether one is "strong enough to be..." ANYTHING... let alone a husband and a father? Okay, okay, maybe if one wants to be a doctor, or lawyer, or... But a husband or a father?! Is THAT what you young women are requiring of men these days?! My goodness!

Just so's you know, I think my son is going to be a GREAT father, whether he finishes college or not. Why? Because he's a GREAT person! Kind, loving, affectionate, caring, generous... and honest. Very honest. And with a pretty decent job. Okay, he won't be able to take a family of six to Europe for vacation every year, but I mean, there's only so many rides on the Concorde a kid's gonna wanna take anyway, right?

Truly, other than loving God (which isn't even a requirement for all women), loving one's family, and loving one's neighbor... TRUTHFULLY and as one loves oneself... and being able to provide decently (but not necessarily excessively) for one's own household... what more could a woman want in a "husband and father"?

Man oh man, I must be gettin' OLD!... or gettin' 'easy' (okay, save your sassy remarks, ya'll!)...

Peace to you!

A slave of Christ,

SJ

I really need your advice on this!

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