Should I go?????? (page 2)

Incense_and_Peppermints

I just dont know if I can put my self through another one of their funerals.

i think you said it all right there. some say that memorial services are for the living, not the deceased. jw funerals don't do honor to the dead - rather they are excuses to preach "the word" to a captive audience. they are very cold and with very little depth, and just leave a non-jw feeling slightly enraged afterwwards. i would not attend, and remember her in my own way, like playing canasta with some friends and toasting her memory, and then maybe walking on the beach somewhere and reflecting on this person and her life and what she meant to me, or after the funeral, taking some pretty flowers and maybe a deck of cards to her grave and talking to her; just me and her.

(((spice)))

love,
~incense

Edited by - Incense_and_Peppermints on 31 July 2002 12:34:15

Jim_TX

Carol,

I would say 'go' - but you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

In 1997, my oldest sister passed away - from cancer. My other family members did not tell me that she was ill - so I could have said my 'goodbyes'.

Then they let me know that there would be an 'open casket' viewing prior to the regular funeral - which was closed-casket. (She had withered away towards the end.)

I purposely avoided going to the open-casket - as I wanted to remember Mary Lou as she was when alive.

Interesting thing - she had become a recluse - and no one saw her in the later years (not even me).

The funeral - as requested by my JW mom - was a 'JW funeral' - and yall know what that involves.

The fella who gave the talk though... had not even met - nor did he know that Mary Lou even existed.

His talk was comprised of a lot of... "I am told,..." or "I hear..." and then kind words about her.

When I introduced myself to him - he was again shocked! Another one he didn't know about!

My sister - basically 'tuned out'. I don't think that she believed the JW 'party line' anymore - but she was trapped - and so just resigned herself to there being no way out, and became a hermit.

The upside - I met other relatives - that do not believe what my mom and family does. Yes, they are non-JWs - and it helped me to see that I am not alone in my 'rebellious' beliefs.

Again - you do what you feel you have to.

But - to show your 'support' and feelings for the deceased (not the religion) - you should go.

Regards,

Jim TX

P.S. It isn't easy. Many times (at the funeral), I just wanted to bolt and run. Dunno what kept me from doing that.

metatron

Over the long haul, what could be more devastating to this cold,
sick cult than openly behaving like a successful, compassionate
human being?

Why accept the condemnation of an unloving, corrupt corporate-religion?

Why not hold your head high ,viewing them as they are - deceived
and often proudly ignorant? Why slink away, as if afraid? Afraid
of what? They should be afraid of you, if you represent freedom!

That said, I'm sorry for your loss. There have been some very
nice folks in this organization - often kindly eccentrics who meant
well. As to specific funerals, I don't know - it depends on how
much of a 'sales promotion' the local elders turn the event into -
as opposed to a reasonable eulogy.

metatron

Francois

Go to another "ain't we so great?" funeral? Not on your life. I don't do funerals.

Instead of funerals, I do something else that I know the deceased person would want. I remember them in my own way.

A couple of months ago, an older friend of mine died and I didn't go to his funeral. He was a fishing buddy. Next fall, I will have a "John Whalley Memorial Fishing Trip" in his honor. I will go fishing at a spot particular to our habits and fish for flounder. He woulda loved it.

Sit there at a JW funeral among people who won't speak to me and listen to an infomercial? Not in this lifetime.

-francois

Imbue

Spice: I would go and every time someone preaches AT you tell them about how your friend was a wonderful person. When you go and sit respectfully through this funeral you are showing your love for your friend and noone else needs to interpret anything more from your attendance. This is how you can demonstrate loving kindness toward them because so many of them really don't have a clue. Since they don't know how to respect someone else's beliefs and religious practices.

Imbue

Remember you are not a JW so they should not shun you. If they do your mother should complain to the elders because you are supposed to be considered a potential Bible study. Now, doesn't that make you feel better.

zenpunk

Just go and grieve in your own way. I've gone to funerals since I've been shunned and I've just had the mindset that no one else is in the room and I'm going to honor this person's life as well as mourn their passing. I've sat and cried and thought about them and ignored those who would shun me as well as the talk and just thought about them. Being able to bring closure and grieve someone's passing is very important and I wouldn't deny myself it.

SpiceItUp

Its funnie..when I first posted this I was just about completely set to not go. Now I am closer to going.

I will let you all know what I decide and how it goes if I do attend.

Thanks for all the support.

libra_spirit

Have you thought about preparing a few words to say about her, and then ask her family if you can speak at the funeral? Did you love her enough to speak to others about it? This would tell me what the family wants. Do they wish to hear kind words from you? Otherwise, you will have to sit through a plastic funeral designed to convert unsuspecting morners, as usual.

teejay

Spice,

Two posters basically covered my thoughts on the matter.

Incense said

some say that memorial services are for the living, not the deceased. jw funerals don't do honor to the dead - rather they are excuses to preach "the word" to a captive audience. they are very cold ... just leave a non-jw feeling slightly enraged afterwwards.

I heartily agree with every word of that. When I went to Brother Salda's funeral (my last jw funeral), I ended up walking out, I got so mad. Hardly a word was said about HIM, but plenty was said to make people feel guilty about not doing more "for the kingdom." When it was over, I came back in and went up to say my regards to the family and then left the hall for good.

Incense also said that in your friend's honor she'd play canasta. Frank said something similar. He also said

Sit there at a JW funeral among people who won't speak to me and listen to an infomercial? Not in this lifetime.

That about sums it up for me.

Should I go??????

Share this